How do I balance what my life is going to be like now and what it used to be? Because I feel like the past 23 years have been a lie...
2006-11-15 13:48:32 · 17 answers · asked by swimcb83 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wish people wouldn't assume it's easy just because I'm older, and that I should "deal with it like an adult." Divorce is just as hard--just a different kind of hard, that's all.
2006-11-15 14:12:16 · update #1
I'm sorry you parents are getting a divorce! My parents divorced when I was 19 it's a very difficult thing espally when your older because your whole life they were together and now their not gonna be! Its gonna be a difficult time for you but like for me my life sucked for a couple years my life was so off balance I couldn't work or anything I didn't even have a place to stay! But I'm a truebeliver that everything happens for a reason like this! Its gonna be tough but stand by both your parents strong and focus on you I know how hard that seems right now but seriously ! They are starting their lives over by getting divorce and moving on with life without another! So you need to move on focus on you & your future ! Be strong it will take time to get your life back but you will!
2006-11-15 14:04:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes and your right pain is pain no matter when your young or older. First you must think that there marriage was long dead a long time ago and most likely stayed together for the sake of there kids which is never a good idea. but now your 23 and now you get the news. You will still have a mom and dad just apart there love for you will not change be sure of that you are still very special to them sommetimes however couples can't stay together but it doesn't mean they don't love you with all there heart. your mother and dad will still be there for you . they just wont' be arm and arm together. and you want your mom and dad to be happy right so you have to understand sometimes its better that two people who fall out of love look elsewhere to find happiness. you are at the age where you will be moving off to university or getting your own boyfriend and marriage and you will start your own family , in time your pain will heal but if htis helps just remmber they love you very much and always will but sometimes people can't stay together when love is gone that would be wrong. thats like someone sentancing you to a life of unfulfillment and you want out but they won't let you . that wouldn't be fair either.
Make time for both mom and dad too make sure you go see them seperatly of course and make them just as much a part of your life as they will make you in theres.
Good luck you can do this. Many people are in the same boat.
2006-11-15 16:07:40 · answer #2 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People grow apart. Just because they are divorcing now doesn't mean they didn't care for each other in the past. You will never know the reasons for their marriage dissolving and it's only between them. The fact they are getting a divorce may hurt you, but this is about them, not you.
Your life will only be different on surface things. Don't be judgemental and don't change your relationship with each parent. You may find yourself becoming closer to your one or both of your parents because you will interact with them as individuals, not as a unit together.
You are an adult, be thankful you had so many years of them together when you were a child. It's sad to see a marriage break up after so many years but you have to lead your own life and not dwell on their theirs.
2006-11-15 13:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by honey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you acting like the one getting the divorce? Why is your life going to be changed in such a way that you will loose your security? Your last twenty three years can be a lie if and only if you have been living a lie. Your life has nothing to do with your parents and vice versa. Sorry to know that your parents are getting a divorce but you can do nothing about that. Just live your life as a mature and responsible person and move on.
2006-11-15 13:58:04 · answer #4 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm pretty sure they weren't lying to you but that they were protecting you from any ugliness until they new what paths there were agreeing to take.
They are going to need your support now but at the same time don't let yourself get to caught in the middle.
Remember they're divorcing each other NOT you and that they'll both love you the same and treat you the same.
This isn't a time to be self fish. This is something they would have given a lot of thought about and although you don't like there decision you don't want to go making it any harder then it has to be.
Just take a step back and let them sort it out.
2006-11-15 14:02:16 · answer #5 · answered by Venessa M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a terrible thing to happen, and i can see it is hard for you to handle it. This is not about you, your parents are having a problem among themselves,and they want to end it. You can have both your parents. They are not seperating from you. Your past 23 years kept them together but in unhappiness. How long do you want them to live this way. At 23 you are mature enough to understand strained relationships, is it not good that they stayed together till you were grownup to handle the emotion ina mature way? They are honest to accept that they do not choose to live together. At 23 it is better to be honest than to be dishonest and happy. Divorce is a fact of life.
2006-11-15 14:12:45 · answer #6 · answered by thachu5 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your life has not been a lie. Your parents made a decision based upon their needs. That decision does not change their love for you, not should it change your love for them. Parents divorcing is hard, no matter what age you are. You will be angry, sad, mad, hurt, all the variety of emotions. It's okay. Don't take sides, that won't help anyone. Talking to a counselor might help you through this tough time, too. Support each other. Good luck. I know it's hard.
2006-11-15 14:11:34 · answer #7 · answered by schoolot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the past 23 years hasn't been a lie. what you're going through now would confuse and upset anyone. and I'm really sorry about your parents' divorce, and I'm sorry for what you're going through.
this is one of those things that is between them and it honestly doesn't have anything to do with you. you kind of have to stop looking at your parents as your parents, and see them for the individuals they are. the divorce doesn't mean that either of them are going to love you any less. and they loved one another very much at a time in their lives. they had you. no matter what happens, you will always have them, and they will always have you. just try and take things one step at a time, and one day at at time.
I sincerely wish you the very best.
2006-11-15 15:35:13 · answer #8 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's over for your parents now, so what? Let them live the life they want to.
If it has been over for a long time and that is why you feel like you have lived a lie for the past 23 years then... again what?
Be glad that they stayed together as of not to hurt their children when little (and beyong in your case) and let them finally move on with their separated lives.
And you too, move on with yours!
2006-11-15 13:55:23 · answer #9 · answered by rollodecriente 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your life hasn't been a lie; your parents still love you, they just don't love each other anymore. Your relationship with them has no bearing on their marriage. You are a product of their marriage and the best part of it.
Yes, their breakup will affect you, but don't let it take over your life. Make your own decision on how your relationship with your parents will be from now on.
One thing though: DO NOT LET THEM speak badly about the other parent to you. My father did that with my siblings and me, and it worked with my older sister and my brother, but not my other sister or me, because we knew better: we were living with our mother. It did not have the desired effect. He wanted us to hate her as much as he did.
Take this new challenge one day at a time, and you will be fine; so will they. Good luck.
2006-11-15 14:20:57 · answer #10 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋