What would you do? My son is 12 years old.....?

Question

and he lives with his father. He has been living there for about 5- 6 years. Every now and then his dad will tell me no that he will not drop him off to visit with me. He tells me that it is not his responsibility to do so. I may add that his dad is an alcoholic,and a complete a--hole. When my son turned 7, I made it his decision weather or not he wanted to live with him. Only one time before, happened to be this summer, did his dad and i have a fallen out, and my son came to live back with me. now, i have a new husband, and three childern by him. of course, this means nothing....my husband has raised him like his own since my son was 3. His father was never in the picture fully since he(my son) was born. Anyway, his girlfriend of a long time got into it with me tonight. she proceeded to lecture me that i am not a good mother, and if i was, than i would have given money to support him while he was there. i said, you never asked, just like i never did when my son was w/ me. Would you br

to continue.... would you bring him home, or leave him there, he really likes his school, but that is the only reason why he is staying, this is what he has told me. what would you do?

I AM THE CUSTODIAL PARENT. I AM MAKING IT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO LIVE THERE! I CAN TAKE HIM AT ANY GIVEN TIME!!!!!

I AM THE CUSTODIAL PARENT. I AM MAKING IT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO LIVE THERE! I CAN TAKE HIM AT ANY GIVEN TIME!!!!!

I guess i failed to mention that he never gave me a cent, therefore, i made it even and did not give him anything. i know this sounds mean, but actually his grandparents on his dads side pays for everything! i pat for things when he is with me on weekends, and he has his own things here with me.

I am certinally not overwhelmed with the three that i have. truly...what is one more, once you have 3 it really does not matter. yes, my son was seven, but he missed his father,and i allowed him to live there. he is very spoiled. he goes to his grandmothers every day before and after school where there are no other childeren, his dad has two boys.

Answer 1

I personally wouldn't have explained myself or my family to this outsider who thinks she has some sort of say in my life or the past 12 years. I wouldn't have breathed any satisfaction to her.

Release those terrible feelings in an evening walk, read a book, or watch a terribly interesting tv program. Avoid thought about it, because there is no resolve and only more anger. You have enough things on your mind and heart without it. Plus, your child can sense he is part of that ill tension. Remove the tension and love your son. He needs that, you're the best at giving that to him, no question about that.

Answer 2

Your son needs to be in an environment where he feels safe, secure and loved. If his only reason for staying with dad is because he likes his school, then I would assume he does not feel those things. I also think that 7 was too young to allow him to choose between you two, but that was then. Being a good parent has nothing to do with money! Don't let what the girlfriend says bother you. If his dad is an alcoholic, he should not be there. I'm not saying he should never see his dad, but if he sees dad drinking a lot to deal with problems, he may be likely to start doing the same. It sounds like your husband loves your son and would probably be a better role model for him than his dad. You obviously love your son very much and want to do what's best for him. It would be hard for him to change schools at first, but his home life is much more important to his well-being.

Answer 3

iI think you answered your own question when you said your ex is an alcoholic. If this is true than I think you should pick him up tomorrow. I think a 7 year old is too young to make that kind of a decision for himself. I also think his girlfriend's intentions are not for the well being of your son. She sounds like all she might want is the child support. If this is so, than any money she spends on him might turn into resentment. How will she take it out on him?
However, why won't you pick him up yourself? It is not your ex's responsibility to take him to visit you. You may have to be honest about asking yourself if you are using that as an excuse because you might be overwhelmed with your other three children, and having your eldest son would add to any problems you might be going through. As far as your son saying the reason he is with his father is because he likes his school makes me very sad for him. School may be the only positive influence for him. If this is true than any school would treat him in a positive way. Maybe you could take him to visit the school he would be attending if he lived with you. That is if you are happy with the education your other children are getting. Do they like their school? Only you could make the decision whether you reallly want him or not. If I am totally off base with this situation, then I appologize. Good Luck

Answer 4

Right now the 12 year old definitely should be the custody of an alcoholic father. Chances are he's been an alcoholic for more than 5 years, so your son shouldn't have gone to live with him in the first place. A 7 year old shouldn't have such an enormous say in things like that.

During the past 5 years when he has been living with his father, you really should have been paying child support. People always assume that is only the job of a father, but definitely not the case.

Answer 5

What you need to do is to go pack your son up and bring him home. I wonder how he feels know that he is living with a drunk and there are three other children living with you where he should be. I doesn't matter if he never paid child support. My kids father has never paid and I would never ever let them make a choice as to where they will live. I gave birth to them and I will raise them. Both of their fathers know that bit of infor and what kind of hell I would raise if the even mentioned it. Go get your baby if you don't want him turning into a drunk and disrespecting you like the girlfriend.

Answer 6

Your son should be living with you if his father is drinking like is. No 12 year old should be living like that. And for the girlfriend to be talking like that she really has no idea what a parents love is all about. And for the father not wanting to drop him off that is outragous. You gave birth to that little boy get him living with you. Your son will make new friends at a new school

Answer 7

What a situation! I think 7 is little young to put the responsibility on the child to decide between mum and dad. You need to put the focus on him and do whatever it takes to make him feel secure. A lot of things happen that aren't fair to you, but you're the adult, he's just a kid. If your ex is an a**hole, he may not be mature enough to put your son first, I'm sure you are. Pay absolutely no attention to his new wife. She doesn't figure. Good Luck

Answer 8

i would go get my son if I were you. As the child of an alcoholic father I will tell you his chances of becoming an alcoholic when he grows up are greater if he grows up in that environment. Please stop letting this man raise your son. If he hasn't been much of a father to him, take him and let your husband be the father he needs. My ex husband showed our son pornography and the police told me it is not illegal. I have not let my son go back to his house and that has been more than a year ago. It is our responsibility as parents to protect our children. Good luck!

Answer 9

First of all WHAT did the court set up as support for this child? Secondly your ex husband is right he doesn't HAVE to transport your son to visit you, YOU have to pick him up. The next thing you need to do is to move your son back with you IF you have custody or reliquish custody to your ex husband. You are putting your son in the middle of this battle and that is a lousy thing for parents to do. You have to go with what the COURT mandates as far as custody/support and not what you want. If you want your son to live with his father then hand over custody to him. If you want your son to live with you retain custody and file for support, the fact that YOU didn't ask for it isn't your ex's fault it is YOUR fault, and yes if they wanted support for while your on was with them they should have gone to court and demanded it. Actually both sides are WRONG in this case, you need to go back to court and have it all taken care of and quit using your son as a pawn in this "they did/I did" scheme.

Answer 10

As the non-custodial parent, you were responsible for the driving AND to provide support. Just being a woman does not release you from these duties.