The day I was dreading finally arrived - I had to look at my son and tell him it was okay to like Dad's new girlfriend and that I was okay with it. My ex and this woman had absolutely no respect for me, our wedding vows and my family. But I guess that is what being a mother is all about - putting your child's happiness first. But how do I get rid of this sick feeling? Will this nightmare end?
2006-11-15 12:42:05 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, congratulations for putting your son's happiness at the top of the list.
'Turning the other cheek' always hurts -- that's what you did when you told your son it's okay to like his father's GF, and that you are okay with it. That is classy, and self-less, and a lot of people could not raise themselves to your level. Be proud of what you said and of how you are teaching your son to behave around selfish people.
It's a tragedy his father could never be as good a parent as you are. He is lucky to have you, and that's what matters.
Now, go live life to the fullest, for the both of you. Time's a wasting and have a very nice Thanksgiving.
2006-11-15 13:06:41 · answer #1 · answered by Tom-SJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u will never like this woman, she is the other woman, and the reason your marriage is today what it is, no matter how many years pass, u will always feel hurt, but it does get easier. it is so good of u not to involve your son in this mess. know that none of this had anything to do with u, it was all about her, and her wants, that pushed your marriage into what it is today. just keep looking forward in life, don't focus on problems, or hurt. focus on your future. i also went through a similar thing, where the other woman had a big hand in how it all ended, in if there would be a reconciliation or not. she ran the show. sure u feel your self worth has been comprimised, and there they are all happy and confident, at your expense. but know that karma does come to those who owe it, and that she didn't get away with a thing. just have to trust in your future. i see u as a very strong woman, who wants the happiness of her son above all else. don't waste all your energy on either of them, get some therapy, get some self worth. know that u didn't have a thing to do with this, it was caused by his lack of control, and his choices, which we have no control over. your son will be able to come to his own conclusion about them, and her after awhile. real character of a person is marked with being able to look past the hurt that he gave u that u didn't deserve and be civilized even if it hurts.
2006-11-15 21:32:44 · answer #2 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im impressed. This guy got rid of someone like you. He definitely doesnt deserve you. A mother that actually put her childs happiness first no matter how you felt..impressive. Time will eventually help you move on past these feelings and him. Put your energy into your son and his interests and forget the rest as they no longer matter. Youre definitely better off without him and the day will come when this will be a reality to you. This was not your fault. Keep on being a super mom and the best of luck to you and your son.
2006-11-15 20:50:48 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The nightmare will eventually fade a bit. The sick feeling will gradually go away - probably not until your child is over the age of 18, though, lol.
I am in the same boat. My ex left me for someone else (that one only lasted a couple of years) and now he's with yet another. My son likes her and she has been nice to him, so far, but he is such a great kid - he trusts everybody. I am trying to be good about it all, for his sake, but it is hard, because I want to protect him and teach him that he doesn't have to turn out like his dad. Of course, it is still early in the relationship. It's hard to see your child become detached in light of his dad's constant search for novelty and a relationship that doesn't take any effort.
Kudos to you. You deserve them.
2006-11-15 22:29:42 · answer #4 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how u feel I was with my husband for 14 yrs and It took for ever and a day for me to finally accept that this woman broke up my home and when I did she broke up there home, and started dating another guy. Just b lucky u only have a son I had 4 kids. but yes the nightmare end and u will b the one on top and moved on like I did good luck.
2006-11-15 20:52:21 · answer #5 · answered by pecan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alana, you ought to be so proud that you are able to put those bad feelings aside for the sake of your son. In the future he will be well-adjusted emotionally and able to have a good, meaningful relationship because of your efforts. This alone is a reason that things will get better - you will always have a man in your life who respects women. Keep your focus on him and on everything else that is good about your life, and the sick feeling will fade as those things become more prominent and the rotten things from your ex get more and more distant. You will make it, hang in there.
2006-11-15 21:00:34 · answer #6 · answered by sharrybaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your end of it won't for a while, until you're happy with someone else, and maybe even not then. BUT, you've avoided a really ugly nightmare for the child. Good for you, it was the adult, kind thing to do. Also, in the future, he (your son) will remember you being so generous and making it easier for him.
2006-11-15 20:56:55 · answer #7 · answered by Baby'sMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woah! No, don't listen to that guy. Over time this will fade. You will learn to look into your child's eyes and share his happiness. You will find happiness too. Don't shut your heart down and refuse to love. That will be the only way you can get over a tough heartbreak. You can't mend it yourself, it takes the love from another to help you. Just remember, what goes around comes around for him. You still have your son. Count yourself blessed and consider this the beginning of your new life together.
2006-11-15 20:51:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a wonderful mother. And a great woman. It probably won't get any better for you, but it gets better for the most important person, your son. And this new woman won't know what hit her. Now if she says anything disrespectful about you, it will fall back on her 100% because you treat her with respect so she looks disrespectful.
2006-11-15 20:50:55 · answer #9 · answered by Muslimah 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh that sounds awful. I mean..good for you that you thought to out your son's feelings first because bad-mouthing her or your ex would do nothing but upset your son, but wow.
All I can say is...drink a glass (or two) of wine, and give yourself kudos for a job well done. Then, when you see your son again, and he looks happy to see you, just be thankful you did your best to keep him happy.
2006-11-15 21:03:25 · answer #10 · answered by Jax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋