Married seven years. Thinking I should FILE for divorce. Need thoughts!!!?

Question

I am repeating because some people didn't get the questions. This is not about reconciling. This is about whether to FILE now or not.
Everyone I talk with about this has an agenda so I am asking complete strangers for neutral thoughts on this issue. Wow!
Should I file for divorce or are the benefits worth it?
If I file, I lose all health insurance, life insurance and pension rights if something happens to him. He is now paying the mortgage (almost $2000) and all of the tuition for the two kids ($1800) without an argument. He left me and is involved with another woman so it feels that by not filing I am saying that it is OK. My son has cerebral palsy. One marriage is enough so I am not looking to marry again. Any thoughts?

I would like to hear from people with experience. Thanks

Answer 1

Wow you have a full plate and he sounds irresponsible. I think you may be wanting to file so that you don't look like a schmuck....who cares????turn the tables and let it feel like you are there to be 'taken care of' and only to be 'taken care of" with HIS $$$$ and it is b/c you only want what is best for the children BUT I would seek legal advise to see how much he is actually needing to support YOU and the children....he may not be so appealing to the GF without the cash!!!!

Answer 2

Then stay married and make him miserable, just as miserable as he has made you I guess. I am not a vengeful person, however, now that you mention that your child has a medical disability it really infuriates me that he or this other women could be so selfish. Divorce and separation is difficult enough on healthy children. And I just cannot imagine what you are having to go through trying to care for the children and run a household, their is no way you can go outside of the house and work a full time job. I would stay married and make him pay, I would not loose anything. It was his choice to leave the marriage and have an affair, how selfish. God I am so angry, I don't think a question has ever before got me upset. Good luck to you and your family. I would stay there and make him pay for everything . God bless you, I am going to keep you in my prayers. What a looser your husband is, I am sorry, How can a man walk out on his wife and children and what a charm the girlfriend is. I don't understand why some females date married men? If he is not respecting the relationship and marriage he has made a commitment to, what does she think she has coming. No don't divorce him, make him pay and pay and pay. God bless you *

Answer 3

No, you need the benefits. If he pays the mortgae and the tuition, leave it alone right now, cause you can keep the medical benefits. Do you think you can get more with alimony or not?

Make copies of all the records in case he stops paying so you can prove it to the attorney. Are you separated? In certain states you shouldn't date but in some states you can. If so, get out and date and forget about him. Also, in some states if you are married for a long time, like a decade you can get alimony for life.

See an attorney right away. DON'T let the attorney cause you both to fight or argue. In fact, buy some books on divorce and see a couple of different attorneys. If you both want to spilt, it might not be so a difficult thing to settle and get the divorce done.

Answer 4

One thing you might consider is getting a paper and writing down all the pros and cons of leaving and staying. Sometimes just looking at the list on paper can help you make a final decision. It's so hard when you have kids because any decision you make affects them too. You say anyone that knows you already has an agenda, but people that don't know you will not have to live with the consequences of any decision you make either. Nothing about divorce ever is easy, but it sounds like ultimately it will happen..I hope the best for you and your children. Take care and good luck.

Answer 5

well, I don't know what state you live in, but some states are marital property states, meaning you own half his pension, half the house and half the assets, (also, half the bills.) Even if you don't live in a marital property state, you have certain rights under the law. Of course an attorney can give you an idea of what you'd get, but be careful, and interview two or three before you commit to working with one. You might find some attorneys are more interested in their billable hours than in your plight. Nevertheless, try to ask around and find a few who will give you a free initial consultation, and that should give you a lot more concrete information on which to base your decision.

when it comes down to it, you need to decide what you can live with, and what it's worth to you. a divorce may or may not give you insurance, the mortgage payment, and tuition, but then again, your share of the assets, child support and maintenance (alimony) might be more than that.

the thing only you can determine is what your self respect is worth, and how you feel staying married to someone who would do that to you and your kids.

good luck.

Answer 6

It really depends on you. If you don't feel you can get along with out his money you better think about it. You can start researching to find a new place to live and get your own health insurance. I wouldn't continue to live like that there's always other ways to handle things. If you file for divorce it is a good idea to file because of his infidelity. If you had no prenuptual agreements you are entitled to 1/2 his assests. You can ask that it be court ordered that he continue to pay for the children's tuition. It seems he makes enough money to do so. If you want to, do it. If you are content to live the way you are, don't. It's really about personal choice.

Answer 7

Look since you are not looking to remarry, why give up your lifestyle that you are currently enjoying. Stay the course let him continue his life style and you move on. If you file for divorce you will lose what you deserve insurance, health insurance and pension rights. Please for yourself and your future you cannot live withouth medical and life insurance. The benefits are not even in your favor. You do not even have a clue on how hard your life will be without all these benefits plus a nice home that he is paying the mortgage. Stay the course and move on and do not file for a divorce. Just does not even make sense. Does not even comes close to adding up.

Answer 8

There's no great rush to file, but you are, as his legal wife, responsible for whatever he does, right? You should talk this over with a family law attorney to see about how you can keep the benefits and come up with a financial plan.

Answer 9

Since he left you, you can file and still have it drawn up in the divorce papers that he will have to continue paying the same bills he is paying now, and also to keep insurance on you and your children. I think you should file, also, there is that little thing called ALIMONY!!! Good luck!

Answer 10

If he is the natural father he will be able to continue to carry your son on his. Also the tuition can be considered child support he would have to pay.This marriage is not right. Don't let yourself be trapped in this marriage, besides if he has been cheating and you have proof you can win against him and you can get the house and sell it if you want and use the money to start your new life. Anything would be better than living with this creep any longer.