I cheated. What should I do?

Question

I had lunch with an attractive woman I met at a local Toastmasters meeting and we've both shown mutual interest in each other. If I were single, I would hit it like the hand of an angry God! But I'm married, so I didn't pursue it any further and just flirted over some chicken chou mein. But by most accounts, just because I had lunch with the woman without my wife's knowledge, I've cheated already. If that's the case and I've already cheated, should I just go ahead and do the deed? After all, I'm a worthless, lying, cheating SOB with no feelings for my wife, right?

Answer 1

no dude not at all! u must love ur wife a lot and be proud of yourself. now you're all sad and wishing you could do her but yer married sooo why don't u go home and do something really sweet for your wife. turn that energy into romance for her. go buy her something sweet, go home and as you walk though the door drop everything walk up to her, kiss her passionatelly and tell her how much you love her and how wonderful she is, then tell her you've got a little somethin for her :)

Answer 2

Do you want to be reprimanded for flirting with an attractive woman. That is somewhat normal. The fact that you had lunch with her is not exactly clarified. Did you run into her and have lunch, or did you make a date with her and meet her for lunch. Big difference. If you ran into her and found her attractive and ate lunch with her and chose not to pursue the relationship further that is a good thing (and you are a normal and yet still honorable man). If you made a date for lunch with her because you were attracted to her that is entirely different. What you did, either way, was deceive your wife, and you are feeling guilty about that - but apparently not real guilty since you are considering going ahead and doing the deed because you might as well be really guilty, not just semi-guilty. What a crock!!! You know the answer to this question. If you are a married man you do not have any business having lunch with some woman that you "find attractive" and having thoughts about going further with it the next time. That is a good way to be a "divorced man" not a "married man". Right?

Is that what you want? Is your marriage important to you. Is your wife important to you? Do you really care if your actions would hurt her? That is what you need to ask yourself. If you want to stay married to your present wife then avoid putting yourself into these kinds of situations again. It simply is not worth it. You do not say how long you have been married or if you have children. Would your children be proud of their Daddy's behavior if he is secretly lusting after this other woman and doing something that will hurt their Mother,(and ultimately hurt them, possibly breaking up a marriage). Do you not see that this could really hurt you because if you get caught, you could end in divorce court, losing your wife, and more than likely losing the opportunity to live in the same household with your own children. Is all this "excitement" worth that risk.

Now, I'm going to give you some unexpected advice. Yes, stay away from this other woman, or anyone who floats your boat to the wrong pier! However, don't go and confess all to your wife. You could end up being hung for a sheep as a lamb (hope you know what that means) and end up hurting her a lot when you had not even done anything, just thought about it. Don't go home with lots of expensive gifts either - this just shouts "I'm Guilty" of something. DO help her around the house, tell her that she and your life together are important to you, and you want to make things better for the two of you. Ask her what you can do to be a better husband to her. This is almost guaranteed to improve the personal relationship (and relations) between the two of you, which is a whole lot more important than having a hot afternoon with some strange woman who you may or may not ever come to care for. Saying that you met this other woman at Toastmasters tells me that she is an intelligent woman. There would be a whole other side of complications to the two of you seeing each other. Is she married too - are there children on her side of the street? Do you want to be responsible for hurting them? All I am saying is that relationships like this have unending repercussions that people ignore until it is too late.

On the other hand, if you do not want to be with your wife any longer - get a divorce - but not because you have hooked up with someone else. If you get divorced, then look for a "single" woman who you can spend time with and share interests with. The gal who is willing to get involved with a married man doesn't think much of herself or you.

Answer 3

Wrong. Lunch and flirting is not cheating...at least not the kind of cheating that could easily end a marriage. Obviously you care about your wife and her feelings or you wouldn't be feeling guilty. You need to forgive yourself before your negative feelings cause you to do more than flirt. Obviously, this wasn't the ideal situation for a married man to let himself get in to, but the fact that you DIDN'T let it go any farther says a lot about you.

If you think it would really upset your wife, you probably shouldn't tell her. You haven't done anything that terrible that she needs to know about. The guilty feelings you are having now are only to keep you from letting it happen again.

Put it behind you. Don't go ahead and do the deed unless you want to wreck your marriage.

Answer 4

First ur a butt head. Married and flirting... what the asshitake mushrooms were u thinking of? Look yes u screwed up but you have not betrayed your wife yet. If u sleep with the B----- then u truly cheated. Something is missing with you, with you and your wife's relationship. Is the marriage worth saving? Go talk to therapist, don't act on fantasy crap.

Marriage is work. You or both of u can be taking each other for granted. One or both of u are no longer pursuing each other. Yes, you go through rough patches but it's time to find the flirty romance the two of u shared and rekindle it.

Stop thinking with your pants and think with your brain and your heart. If u got kids... all the more to end the crap u started. Shame on the B00 B00 head witch that was ready and willing to spread her legs. Do u think ur the only bone head she's been with? I've got swamp land to sell u!

You want to fantasize, fantasize with your mate... you know the one that you pledge to support, love, & honor...! If u can't do that or are a royal butt head... then sit down and level with her that it's over. Tell her you want to play around, be prepared for her to take ur a-- to the cleaners ... You are one selfish weenie!

Answer 5

No you aint worthless,lying,cheating SOB with no feelings for your wife that is even wrong to think that. But you should tell your wife and stop having lunches with women. Have lunch with your wife if you can. I would never ever let my husband have lunch with other women that is just asking for trouble like this one and sometimes can lead into the big D and I don't mean Dallas. You really need to stop having lunches with other women and tell your wife the truth. Hopefully she has a big heart and will forgive you. Good luck

Answer 6

I don't believe you are a worthless, lying, cheating SOB that has no feelings for his wife. I think if you had slept with the woman, than you would be. But, honey you nearly screwed up, no pun intended. You went to lunch with someone, another woman that you were attracted too....that was wrong. But is enough to do a Elaine Bobbit on you-NO!

Do you love your wife? With all your heart and soul? Do you want to grow old with her by your side? If so, then don't ever-ever put yourself in this kind of a situation again. Forgive yourself for this stunt, and grab your wife and give her a big kiss and forget it ever happened. End of the story. No need for a big confession, no need to beat yourself up anymore, forgive yourself and remember how close of a call you had. Learn from this, and be very careful from now on. Please remember that nothing really bad happened, it was wrong, but you showed strength and smarts to keep your hands to yourself.

You must forget it. Don't dwell anymore on it. If you get punishing yourself, you could wreck your marriage over a lunch. Forgive and forget, and treasure your wife. Praying that you find the forgiveness you seek, and the courage to forget.

God bless us all.....................

Answer 7

I love how you are trying to rationalize banging this new gal.

Sorry to burst your bubble though but you have not cheated on your wife...yet. The right thing to do is not to see this other woman and get her out of your mind while you honestly evaluate your relationship with your wife and what is important in your life. If you decide that being married is no good anymore (hopefully it is for a reason better than getting some new ***) then file for divorce and romp that honey.

Good luck man, and don't kid yourself because you haven't justified anything!

Answer 8

No not in my mind any way. you had enough self control to keep her at bay. But you are beating your head against the wall for no reason. If you feel you have cheated. maybe you should tell your wife. It will at least clear your conscience. But I ask you was it not a business lunch? I feel that even you went to your wife and told her of the lunch, and of your sexual attraction to this gal she would say that it is a human nature to be attracted to others. That is unless she is an over bearing, selfish, possessive B*tch good luck with the guilt!!! but I think you are over reacting

Answer 9

Yes what you did was cheating. Some hotty makes you feel a certain way and you decide to go with those feelings and have lunch or spend time with her so that you continue to feel good. Getting your buzz form thier attention is cheating. However if your marriage means anything to you, STOP and examine the part of you that is getting off on these petty feelings. Yes you could argue that these are human traits but they aren't very honerable ones. They may have an important role in a society that doesn't respect family but ours does and we are better off for each of our members that understands this. Give yourself to your wife, mariage and family and you will be greatly rewarded by having harmony at home and your children will grow from a solid foundation.

Answer 10

Lord you are taking this too far in your own head and I almost get a sense that you want someone to say you are already wrong so you can feel less guilty about following through with these lustful feelings/thoughts. Tell your wife you had lunch with her, it was lunch for cryin out loud. You didn't make out with her or anything, you just had lunch with her. You need to talk to your wife honey.