OK I have gone veggie about two months ago... it will be a forever thing, and I am doing it for health reasons. I am just ready to be healthy! Now my husband has just informed me that he can not stay married to a vegetarian. He said I was not one when we met, and he won't deal with that. I don't want a divorce, but I am not going to just start eating meat again to keep him happy. It shouldn't matter to him how I eat. I don't push anyone else to eat how I do, I make my own veggie meals along side their meat meals... Help! How should I handle this??
2006-11-15 11:35:16 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I first saw your question in the veggie section I thought you were another of the 'carnivores' that keep coming in the section to stir up trouble. I glad that's not the case but *horrified* at what you're going through!!
Now to be the bearer of bad news: You're marriage is DOOMED! He is just using this as his 'excuse' and if you back down he will soon find another 'excuse' to make the break-up *your* fault and not his! This "man" (note the full quotes) does *not* want to be married to *you* anymore and it's time to face that fact. Whilst being blunt (and almost rude I feel) I'll add that there have to be other problems involved that you haven't shared; that's fine-none of our business, but it's time for *you* to start preparing for life without him around! I'm an 'old-f*rt' and have been on both sides breakups before and no matter what efforts *you* put forth to stay together it's not gonna happen! His mind has already been made up and any efforts at reconciliation will only prolong the inevitable and make the final breakup worse (from experience).
The constructive things you need to be doing is get *your* banking in order, insure you'll have enough income for you and the kids (I'm assuming you want them with you) without him (only fools trust child support payments to arrive). Don't wait for him to file papers, start interviewing attorneys *now* as you want good, trustworthy council to represent you through the *entire* process (it also makes it harder for him to hide assets
Most of all don't let him 'guilt trip' the breakup on YOU! Keep your wits together and get through this! It's *not* going to be easy, but if you prepare now it will be easier to get through!
2006-11-16 02:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had to reread your question a couple of times, and I am still unsure what to say. Your husband wants a divorce because you won't eat meat, and you are unwilling to go back to eatting meat. Have I got the facts right? First thought was "is this guy for real". Something other than whether you eat meat is going on here, unless he's really got a problem with your new healthy diet.
You mentioned that you cook their meals that included meat. It's not like you decided that you wouldn't feed them. I think he's blowing this thing out of the water, but I am going to hurt your feelings just a minute. Can't you see yourself eating some, a little, to save your marriage? This is a contest of wills here, I understand your choice, and really think that it's crazy for him to make such a demand, Now, if you were not allowing any meat products in the office, and refused to cook any, then maybe he would have a leg to stand on.
Honey, if he's serious, I am sorry. But it's either eat meat and be married....or be a veggie single. If he's not giving up this ridiculous idea, and you aren't willing to given in-then what's is there left. It also makes you think if you give in on this, what else down the road is he going to make you do. I am so very sorry, this isn't helping you-you have 2 choices, and it's yours to make.
Why, I have no clue-what this man's problem is. Can he be scared? Are you going to a excerise club, running, doing anything different? Dressing different? He maybe scared that you are going to change into this new person, and he's going to be left behind alone. Think about that possibilty, think hard, be hard on yourself for a few minutes. I have seen people who do life changing things, and it seems divorce is one of them. He maybe worried for your marriage. Hope some thing in all these helped.
Praying you find a solution to the problem...
God bless us all...........
2006-11-15 12:06:53 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He does have a point. Kinda. How would you feel if he suddenly beings to drink lots or smoke? I know its the complete opossite of your healthy choice but it does affect the relationship. This will end in going to veggie restaurants, eating veggie meals (cooking two meals only works for a while) and one will always bring up something "smart" about the other one eating preferences.
There is no proven fact that being a vegetarian its a good thing. A balanced diet its more that enough. The few vegetarians I know end up either really fat or really thin and they always get sick. NOW thats a fact.
His mistake here was that he should have approached this in a more "girl friendly" way He ranting and threatening to leaveyou was the worse way possible to aproach this issue. You just became a veggie, its it really worthy?
If you want to make big changes like this, be ready to expect big changes from him as well. Good luck
2006-11-15 11:44:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Remember your husband married you for other reasons other than you changing your diet, he will have to deal with it or accept his offer of divorce because you don't need a control freak in your life anyway (what else does he control in your life?).
If he is getting what he wants then he should respect your decision, I can't believe this is a problem.
Tell him to find a mountain and get over it.
STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS OF INDIVIDUALITY, THE DAYS OF BEING CONTROLLED BY A MAN IS LONG GONE.
Good luck and hope your marriage can survive through this stupid moment your husband is having.
Maybe there is underlying problems here and the change in diet is just an excuse for him to divorce you (only you know).
2006-11-15 11:51:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband has some serious control issues, and it shouldn't matter to him what you eat as long as you don't try to control what he eats. Why wouldn't he want you to be more healthy, to do things that are going to make you look and feel better? Fear, insecurity? Sound like you need counseling or maybe a divorce isn't such a bad idea. Mental health should be a good reason-your own!
2006-11-15 11:39:05 · answer #5 · answered by orphanannie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like you husband has control issues and is using your vegetarianism as an excuse to call it quits. You should go to marriage counseling to find out why he really wants a divorce, it has to be a much bigger issue that him having a problem with you no longer eating meat.
2006-11-15 11:46:41 · answer #6 · answered by Jessie 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stand up for what you believe in. He probably is just using this as an excuse to prod you into a divorce. Tell him that if he thinks so little of you and his children that he would leave over you being a vegan then he needs some counseling very bad. If he persists then tell him that there are plenty of men that would not mind living with a vegan woman and that he can be replaced.
2006-11-15 15:55:59 · answer #7 · answered by unionjack07 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, If your husband wants to leave you because of what you eat, that's on him. If he's really going to do that you're better off. As you said you are not making HIM eat or not eat anything, so like someone else mentioned I think there is something going on with him besides YOUR diet (which is none of HIS buisiness, married or not).
2006-11-15 11:43:50 · answer #8 · answered by clueless_nerd 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm just sitting here thinking what it would be like if my guy one day turned around and decided to eat differently. Although we have differences, one of the things we have great together is eating habits. If he one day decided to give up chocolate and steak, I don't think I'd know who he is. It would be so damn weird I wouldn't know what to do. I think I actually see your husband's point. Going veggie? It just sounds so.......
Perhaps there is more going on with him than just this, and this was the "final straw." I heard of a guy once leaving his wife because she left cereal bowls around the house. After many years of it he just got up and left one day. Who knows what people are thinking when they decide to leave.
But, if he leaves over this veggie thing, I think he has more issues than he's showing. Urge him to counselling. Try everything to work it out - if you WANT to.
2006-11-15 11:41:13 · answer #9 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why is this a problem? Are you sure that you are not talking all day long about the benefits of eating like a cow? Are you sure that you are not trying to make your family feel guilty about what they it? Otherwise, I don't see why being a vegetarian is a problem.
Are you one of this obsesive people, or your husband is?
2006-11-15 11:56:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋