Has a significant weight change in you or your spouse altered your marriage dynamic for the worse? How so?

Question

I accidentally deleted this question a moment ago and I lost one answer before I got to read it. WHoever you were, please repost! :)

Answer 1

My ex and I both gained weight. The difference was that the weight looked good on him and upped his self-confidence. For me my self-esteem went way down. I gained about 15 lbs. after my son was born - I just couldn't shed that weight. Working out, limiting calories, etc. . . . nothing worked. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002 and went through surgeries and treatments my weight really skyrocketed. I ended up about 50 lbs. heavier than when I had gotten married 11 yrs. before. My doctor told me that, because of the type of cancer I had, my ongoing treatments, and medications, I would not be able to lose the weight - I would continue to gain. My ex told me the next month that he was leaving. I was so upset (we had just had a house built, our son was devastated his dad was leaving, and I had just lowered my hours at work with the intent to phase out entirely so that I could recover from the past year of treatments) that I lost 30 lbs. over the next 2 - 3 mos. He walked out on us and never looked back. Funny thing is the person he left me for was way heavier than I had ever been, lol. The relationship didn't last, of course (they rarely do). I thought for a long time that my appearance (from weight gain and chemo) was part of the reason he left. I did figure out that he would have left no matter what. I had always struggled to be who I thought he wanted me to be . . .
My advice to anyone else going through this would be to be yourself. If you are comfortable with your weight, you like how you look, and you feel good - you're significant other is going to love you for you. If he doesn't he isn't worth the stress. If you have a problem with your weight or how you look and he is upset over it, determine if he's upset because YOU are upset. Enlist his help and support in changing your eating habits, walking the pounds off, and just getting in shape in general. Let him know that if he does this he will be rewarded as much as you. Your improved self-esteem will be reflected in your attitude, in your sex-drive, and in your overall energy levels. I know when my weight is at a point where I feel good about how I look - watch out, lol.
If your spouse has gained (or lost) weight and you are having problems with this - ask yourself why. Does it affect your attraction to him/her? Is it because you are worried about your spouse's health? Do you feel that your spouse's self-esteem is suffering or that they have a negative attitude, low energy level, low sex-drive, etc. because of it? Rather than staying silent or worse, using jibes or having a bad attitude, try to be supportive and do what you would hope he/she would do if your roles were reversed. If you do the cooking, start introducing healthier foods and snacks, gradually cutting out sodas (especially diet sodas which can be just as harmful to your health as regular) and alcohol. Try to slowly switch to more organic foods - that alone will make a huge difference in your weight within the first few months. Make sure you are both getting adequate, restful sleep. Lack of sleep and other stresses can contribute to unwanted weight changes. Walk, take up a lightly physical sport (golf, tennis, softball), buy a few handweights and a strength training video, start dancing . . . be creative! Don't just tell your spouse what you think they should do. Be a team. Be willing to make the same changes. Give your spouse incentives - be it a romantic getaway, a shopping trip, or something else that you know they have wanted (or wanted to do) for awhile.

Answer 2

Hi there,

There is a little secret that all women should know.

Facts:

Men dislike radical change in his woman if he is already insecure himself. It has little to do with the woman, but more to do with the man if he feels insecure about her weight loss. He will be afraid that she will be more attractive to other men.

More secure men don't feel threatened if a woman losses or even puts on weight. But the more weight a woman has on her, the more in control the man feels because the wife will be less so attractive to other men.

It usually works this way.

I think the majority of men do prefer their women somewhere 'in-between' with some flesh to them but not skinny nor really overweight. There is a constant trend in this pattern and I have always been preffered 'in-between'. I am one of those that it would take a lot of excercise and diet to make me lose weight and can never put more on even if I eat mountains of food. So I am kind of lucky to be stuck 'in-between' size.

My size has never bothered my boyfriends in the past because I have never been a really large person, but I have only been skinny once for six months and was a size 10. Now I am a 16 to an 18 in clothes and yet I look slim when dressed. Perhaps my boyfriend's were not insecure? - I had the weight issue more than they did, but they all preffered me more when I was 16 to 18.

The majority of men do prefer bigger women and you will rarely see a larger woman on her own - it is usually the skinny ones left on the shelf so don't be worried by size. Your man loves you for being who you are and not for your size, but if you have lost a lot of weight, then he will feel more insecure but he has to be the one to deal with it.

Being healthy is the most important thing and not to carry too much weight if it causes you to feel unnatractive or unhealthy.

Answer 3

my husband is about 50 pounds heavier today then when we met. It affected the sex life. He doesn't want to do as much. My weight gain has been the same. lack of sex. I'd rather laze about all the time.

I'm back to eating right and getting moving. If he doesn't want to join me fine. I can't say that I will remain around if he wants to just get fatter. So yes it will further change the dynamics of my marriage.

Answer 4

Weight gain can alter anyone looks and yes it would bother me, i am very conscious about how i look with or without a man, i just like to look good, my guy can eat any and everything and not gain an ounce, weight gain can affect your health.

Answer 5

my chubby husband got 100 lbs chubbier. but i still love him. i'm not about to nag him to lose weight at the moment. if he wants to make a change i am willing to help him. but nagging is really only a waste of breathe. he still the same person that treats me like a queen.

Answer 6

yeah that was me. thank god i found it, it was too long to remember.

well pregnancy did. i have some horrible hormones. and i never felt like doing anything because i felt horrible because i gained weight. SO we never had sex and i was always screaming at him and then cried like 5 seconds later because i felt bad. i think that's why he started cheating on me with his ex. because when she left him she had just gotten pregnant so he didn't see all the hormones and all that. and i stopped being a fun person i guess. maybe he couldn't handle it. i don't know.

Answer 7

it all depends , did you marry this person for any thing other than love and devotion. if so the marriage won't last just because looks and stuff can and does change, and if you love some one then it would not matter.