I cheated on my man over a year ago, it was a mistake that I am not proud of and we got married a couple months ago. I just told him now about it a week or so ago. I can understand the upset, the pain and tears but we were doing better for a few days. But now he treats me like dirt even after he said he forgave me. He's turned into complete monster. I don't even want to be with him anymore. Mentions of divorce? What should I do? :'(
2006-11-15 10:48:10 · 8 answers · asked by mrschrisbennett 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've never felt so much remorse, and sadness, and guilt. I want to fix it so badly, I've done everything I could think of to make him see that I love him, only him, forever and for always. That our vows were complete truth and I want nothing more than to be with him for the rest of my life. His attitude back to me is killing me inside.
2006-11-15 10:49:21 · update #1
You did something wrong. Forgive yourself.
Couples do heal from this but it will take dedication and counseling for both of you. If both of you are willing to commit to working it out then you can. If even one of you doesn't then cut your losses and move on.
2006-11-15 10:51:35 · answer #1 · answered by booktender 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you say you love him but you gave your most inner self to another man.The one thing that is needed in any relationship is trust and you threw that out of the window. Marriages are built on respect, admiration and passion. You showed passion for someone else, and blew away the other two in your marriage great, just great.You gave the passion to someone else.
If he is still in the marriage then he must want to try to forgive you and work it out. First, I would let him know why you did it and find out the reason it happend so you both can deal with the reason and move on. Don't let him think it is because of him, because no matter what you husband does it is not an excuse for an affair and I am sure you know that since you are sorry that it happened and want to work it out. Then after you both get everything out on the table, I would not bring the affair up up to him unless he wants to talk about it. I think you just need to give your husband some time, patience and understanding. Of course he is not going to be as open to you as he was before, because you betrayed his trust. Do something nice to show him you love him instead of telling him. Make him his favorite dinner, do something with him you normally wouldn't do like go to a sporting event with him, leave him thoughtful cards, etc. Go out of your way for him and show him he can depend on you, open up to you and trust you again. Then you both will be able to repair things. You have to earn his trust back. It takes time, don't give up. Never stop reasuring him. Good luck!!
2006-11-15 19:39:28 · answer #2 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In his place, I'd dump your A(r)$$. Betrayal is the hardest cut of all. You made one mistake, (cheating) then another telling him. Oh god.. What WERE you thinking???????? You then were probably hoping that the big confession would get you hugs and kisses and he'd tell you it's all better???????..... Yeah sure -- he's supposed to forgive you for sharing your body and soul with another man? Would you forgive him?????? What planet are you on???? Don't understand why he didn't just vomit in your face. Even with therapy, you are looking at more than 2 years to rebuild trust...and this would assume he'd even agree to go with you.....
Marriage is Respect, Admiration, Passion, and Trust. The trust, you effectively destroyed.... and he is now supposed to keep the other three for you?????????? What a joke!!!!!! You say you don't want to be with him? Hon, he'd be nuts to wish to stay with you...... for very much longer..... What should you do? Offer him a divorce, and get the hell out of the guy's life so he can find a nice lady, worthy of his love........ You ain't it. No cheater is.....
2006-11-15 19:11:36 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably feeling set up. You waited until after you got married to tell him. But you did it before the fact. That's like lying to him twice. He's on an emotional rollercoaster right now, so there's gonna be alot of ups and downs. Put yourself in his place, and think about how long it would take you to get over something like this, or if you even could. Once he calms down some, try to talk things out. I hope it works for you.
2006-11-15 19:01:55 · answer #4 · answered by Eric B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost you must forgive yourself before anyone else can forgive you..He'll get better he's just going thru all the emotions, that does take time, he needs to heal.He probably is nice one mintue and mean the next, He's just trying to deal with what happened, He'll be very emotional for a while,Which he has a right to be,It doesn't feel good to be cheated on. Give him time, in time it will get better i promise
Good luck
2006-11-15 20:11:04 · answer #5 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I hate to tell you this, but cheating is the dealbreaker of ALL dealbreakers. You can't blame him for anything he throws at you right now. Your choices: shut up and take it (for 6 months, then cut him off), or leave. He has every right to vent every (non-violent) feeling he's having.
But if he gets too awful - it's within your rights to leave. Put the shoe on the other foot and think about how you'd feel.
2006-11-15 19:09:06 · answer #6 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would never have told my man the truth about cheating. He will never look at you the same. You have knocked yourself down off the pedestal for life unfortunately. Men usually have a harder time forgiving infidelity than women do.
2006-11-15 18:55:29 · answer #7 · answered by Veronique 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling. He is feeling deeply betrayed and is probably also wondering if he should chuck it all in.
If after the counseling, he feels the same way, then part your ways, but at least you gave it a shot to repair
2006-11-15 18:55:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋