My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. I am 22 and he is 27. I love him, but he has a drinking problem. He also smokes pot and gambles. I want to break up with him because I can't take it anymore. He has gotten better eg less drinking and less smoking and gambling. But even that is not good enough. We live together so I would have to ask him to move out. I feel that we could have a good relationship if he stopped doing the above, but I am not sure he can. I have given ultimatums and they work for a few weeks, but then he starts up again. He drinks about 8 beers a day. I feel that that is excessive and it affects the quality of our time together. Am I being mean by not sticking by him and trying to get him help? I think his life will go down the toilet when I break up with him, but i don't know if I can be his crutch.
2006-11-15 10:43:52 · 9 answers · asked by Stellar_Girl22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do for You first. A practicing 'holic is not able to stop the behaviors you describe. You will not be first in his life. His behaviors will always be first in his life.
Here's how he sees the world: Everything right in his life will be his doing. Everything right in your life will be his doing. Everything wrong in your life will be your doing. Everything wrong in his life will be your doing.
Toast this clown.
2006-11-15 10:49:14 · answer #1 · answered by booktender 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to seek an independent 3rd party, like a relationship councillor. This is pretty serious. I watched my mom and dad destroy their marriage, then they both got remarried and did it all over again because of drinking and gambling. You cannot support someone who is not able to help himself. He will not quit until he wants to. It will always keep coming up, so the question is, are you going to accept it or not, if not, break it off. This is the best thing for the both of you. If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he will choose you over the 'extras' that he seems to want so much. If he chooses the 'extras' then you weren't really at the top of his list now were you? If you want your life to head in a certain direction, and he isn't able to keep up, or he doesn't want to, he will only distract you from your goals. Later in life you may end up resenting him. Seek a councillor, and get him to talk about why he needs these things, most of the time there are other issues at heart to cause the dependency on drugs or alcohol.
2006-11-15 10:52:26 · answer #2 · answered by Wildbane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you are having the same problem that I am having in my relationship right now. The only thing that is not the same is that me and my boyfriend do not live together. I have a lot to say about what you should do. If you ever want to talk you can email me Kristina4646@aol.com. Maybe together we can help each other out. But for right now I know it is hard to decide if you want to break up with him or not. We try to change the situation and when we can't, we are most disappointed then anyone.
2006-11-15 10:51:52 · answer #3 · answered by KAB128 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I empathize. I had a boyfriend who drank a lot (more than I knew till his best friend spilled the secret). I also found he did pot and took downers at night to sleep and uppers in the morning to wake up. The one thing I won't tolerate is chemical substances. They completely destroy not just the individual but everyone else around them. I know he may fall apart, but did you think he might just have to go there in order to wake up to how bad his addictions have gotten and actually get some help?
I gave my boyfriend one ultimatum and stuck to it. I told him he had the choice of the bottle, pills and weed or me. Not tapering off, not drinking less...all or nothing. He either got the help he needed to come clean or he was gone. He walked and fell apart. I moved on with my life and found partners who were alcohol and drug free and I'm very happy for my own sanity that I did.
2006-11-15 11:04:30 · answer #4 · answered by sonofstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me, you don't want to go down this road; drugs, alcohol and gambling is a destructive combination. Leave him. There are plenty of guys out there who don't have drug or alcohol problems; you have all the time in the world to find one. You're not being mean; you need to think about YOUR future, and take care of YOUR life - which, in this case, means to stay away from this person. I'm sorry.
2006-11-15 10:49:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not mean...ask yourself if you want children with a man like this, then read some of my questions and get a feel for what your life will be like if you marry him cause it wont stop and youll have a kid and then a divorce battle will ensue, you walk away now, be his friend, support sobriety but find a real man to love you right
2006-11-15 10:50:08 · answer #6 · answered by liyah's mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already given him warnings and he knows how much his addictions bug you then you need to leave him. I lived in an alcoholic home and trust me you deserve someone who will respect and treat you better... theres more fish in the sea! Throw that one back and go fishin girl!
2006-11-15 10:50:09 · answer #7 · answered by smiley_gal2007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didn't say if he works. but here goes what about you? ask him to move out but you still want to date. this way if it doesn't work. hes out of the house.
2006-11-15 11:12:31 · answer #8 · answered by tweed801 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to go to rehab and you can see if he changed when he gets out. if he is going then he is making the effort to get better and it should be enough to make you see whether he is or not.
2006-11-15 10:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋