Is my future mother-in-law jealous?

Question

Ok, I stopped likeing her. She is horrible, smiles in my face and then bitches about me to my partner behind my back. She says that I am lazy and useless, etc. Just to explain, I work full-time and study full-time, which gives me a 75 hour week. My flat is so clean that you could eat from the floor and whenever I visit my partner who unfortunately has to live with her at the moment, I clean up after myself, help her in the house, look after the granny, cook for them and help my partner building the house.
Now you might ask how I manage to survive so much work...I don't know.
She complains about me having pets (that's not her business), sleeping until noon when I am there (well, I go to bed at 3 am and I have to get some sleep). She knows about all the things I do, I just feel like I can't talk to her at all, because she uses everything agaist me. I am disgusted with her ways. How should I react in front of her? I confronted her and she puts on a mask and then keeps being a *****.

My partner also told her to stop talking like that, but it seems she is not listening.

My partner live with her because he is building in another city from where I live.
He stands up for me, but it doesn't work, I don't want them falling out more than they already do.
She does the same about my partner's borther's girlfriend aswell.

She has always been a full-time mum, now working part-time, has no hobbies, is widowed and very conservative. I just want to know how to be around her.

Answer 1

I firmly believe that there is nothing that you can do that will change her mind about except be patient and give your bf all the love you can. She will either come around to liking you in her own good time, or she won't.

My thinking is that she loves her son, a lot. That's one thing that the two of you have in common. Maybe she's lonely and vulnerable. Maybe she's just grumpy. Turn the other cheek.

Be polite, be nice, be caring, and don't take any bs from her. Keep your self respect by acting with integrity.You can't control her actions, only your own.

Don't confront her, just accept what she's like, and rise above it. She'll stop being bitchy if it doesn't affect you, and may even come to respect you because of it. Remember that your chief loyalty in all this is to your bf, and his to you. If you're a firm unit, if you love and support each other, and make each other happy, then anyone else's opinion, no matter how hurtful, is as important as that.

Keep being kind to her. She's probably feeling threatened, maybe because she senses you are "the one." Her behaviour sounds like she's being defensive because she's afraid of losing her son. Show her that there's enough love to go around.

I guess this isn't very helpful, but try and stand up for yourself in a firm, loving, respectful way. Be yourself: give her some time: and most of all, don't let it adversely affect your relationship.

Answer 2

If I were you I would stop going round to your boyfriends house and invite him over to yours.
You both need your own space together and I think the bitching is more about too many people in the house rather than your mum in law disliking you.
By giving each other some space you can give her some time to reflect on her behaviour, then she may realise that she may lose her son 4 good if this carries on.
It could also be that she may have a lot on her plate at the moment, and may feel overburdened by an extra person in the house.
Then you could get your rest too, and maybe your perspective of the problem may alter. I hope you can find some sort of solution as family breakups are very distressing.

Answer 3

You are not alone - unfortunately - nor is your future mother-in-law, sadly. She may in fact be jealous because her little boy is dividing his time between you and she, and she has yet to understand this is normal, to be expected as one's "child" grows up. I was married for 20+ years, his mother was this way as well. I figured out half way through the marriage how to deal with his mother. The key was to be very polite, social, and agreeable - even if you disagree at least just listen and whatever you do, do not be confrontational. If she criticizes you say you're sorry she feels this way, you don't mean to make her feel bad, offend her, you respect her opinion, etc. Remember, you catch more flies with honey! With this in mind you can make it a game and go home later knowing you did what you had to do to make peace, and you win. And when/if you have children and they question your behavior overhearing how you really feel at home (be careful though, kids hear everything) the explanation is that sometimes it's better in relationships that are important, especially with older people who are more set in their ways and ideas (never criticize the grandparents to the children) to accommodate them (ie: humor them). It does become a game of sorts, and if you look at it that way, plan ahead and be creative, catch her off guard with niceness, she won't know what to do - and this is when you have a good laugh, after you leave her presence.

Answer 4

Yep she's jealous. I am going through the same thing at the moment.

This is what happens when mothers dedicate their lives to bringing up kids (until they are 26 in my case) and then a serious girlfriend comes along and they suddenly realise that they will never be number one in their sons lives anymore.

Dont take it personally, you sound like a very hard working decent person, she is just trying to get her boy all to herself. Explain to her that you have no intention of finishing with her son so she'd better get used to you being around.

Try to talk to her in a civil way because she wants a reaction out of you so she can say 'look at what a nasty ***** she is to me'.

Good luck

Answer 5

The problem is that nobody is ever good enough for their child.
What you should do is return her the favour and start complaining about everything she does. If she does not like it then tough.
Also speak about her attitude towards you with you partner. Its about time they did something about their mother and stood up for you instead of listening to every gripe and groan she makes.

Me personally I would not go back.

Answer 6

It seems like shes been insecure with you having a realationship
with her son, she cant find anything better,but to be two-faced,she might think that your partner will ask you to marry him anytime now,and shes being a pain because she doesnt want you to distant them apart,(even though theyre living together)
Ignore her,because shes gonna try to find all your faults,and put you
everything against you,do your everday life routine,and carry on.

Answer 7

i once had a mother-in-law somewhat like that until she passed, i was glad that we began to get along with one another before her death though. Some parents especially male mothers are protective about their son. before a marriage the mother have her son to herself to do those things that he does she doesnt feel lonely but loved. when a woman comes in the picture she feels that someone else is taking something away from her, thats why she feels this way towards you

Answer 8

i would give up if i was u cos u sound like the perfect gf material. U will obviously never get her to change her mind She sounds like pure evil. At least your bf stands up for u. I wish u all the best huni

Answer 9

ok i agree shes a bit of a 2 faced cow but i think shes trying keep her sons tied to her apron strings when in fact shes pushing them away she will realise when she becomes a lonley bitter and twisted old woman as i say every dog has its day lol

Answer 10

it sounds like your bf ignores her anyway..so its not like she can come between you. i would be miss sweetness and light...she obviously would like you to react in a negative way so that your bf turns against you.dont give her the satisfaction..be perfect..you know you work hard and rememver you have the trump card your boyfriend chose to be with you..he might love his mum but he didnt choose her.