HORROR STORIES........Why do this, its mean!?

Question

I want to know why woman who have already had children, partifcularly more mature ladies, simply DELIGHT in recalling the gore and the horror stores to young expectant mums??? Its mean and thoughtless, and no two people are alike, we all have different experiences. Should they be stopped??? I think its MEAN! What do you think, what was your experience of this?

As the time draws near for a young mother, they often become scared, and I have witnessed this happening on many occassions. It makes me so cross - they seem to get a kick out of scaring the daylights out of them!

Answer 1

If only they would tell 14 year olds.

Answer 2

I agree with you. It's not fair and it's almost as if these women who have been through it think they are better than the women who are about to go through it.

Maybe it's a sort of sweet revenge on mother nature that they can gloat over the poor expectant mums.

I swear I will never do that. Besides, giving birth is such a biologically amazing experience and the process, although unimaginably painful, is completely miraculous. So why tarnish such an event by twisting it into something horrible and cruel?

I was present when both of my sisters gave birth and although uncomfortable, they didn't scream or threaten to kill anyone, and afterwards they have not recounted the event in any gory detail. So I'm sure it can be accomplished.

I think some women just do it because they want respect and they want to act as though they have achieved the impossible. These women also nullify other people's pain by saying, 'Well you don't know pain...... try having a baby.'.

Cruel and mean for sure, and completely uncalled for.

Answer 3

I totally agree. My son is now 15 weeks old but whilst I was pregnant I had people telling me their horror stories and they did so as if they were doing me a favour!!! One woman even said 'Good luck, the first 6 months are a nightmare' and smirked and I wanted to slap her. That was her experience and I didn't ask for it to be pushed onto me.

I incidentally had a very good labour, I coped well at home for 10 hours and then once I got to the hospital my gorgeous boy popped out within 2 hours with just gas and air! I didn't tear and I came home the next day so I hope this story is the kind of thing 1st time Mums take some comfort from. It is possible and the calmer you stay the more likely it is to happen.

I do know that my next baby may be completely different but I also believe all first time Mums should be supported as the more relaxed you are with the whole thing, the easier the process tends to be.

If you are pregnant, good luck with it all and just try to stay calm when labour comes, tell yourself billions of woman have done this before, they go on to have more babies so it can't be that bad and your body is made for coping with childbirth. You can do it and you will and it will be great! That's what helped me!

Answer 4

Everybodys ex[erience is different but whatever it is the fact remains it stays a vivid memory forevermore. This is because it is so special, nothing ever quite matches the joy of bringing another life into the world. I know what you mean about the tales of horror and remember feeling the same as you. Thing is it is not pain free, but it is bearable and the modern hospital is equipped to assist all the way. Don't feel scared look on it as a privilege you have as a woman and embrace the whole experience. It is good and it is unique and don't be scared. These people you talk of all survived, they probably all went back for more (which means it was not that bad) close your ears to the exaggerations ........

Answer 5

Have you not heard the expression "forewarned is forearmed"? Meaning, if you have a realistic idea about what to expect in childbirth you can prepare yourself better for it. I don't think it is that women who have already had children 'delight' in telling the 'horror' stories of their experiences, it's just that childbirth is physically painful with varying amounts of blood, sweat and tears involved!!! Anyone who is pregnant should already realise this and the so called 'horror' stories you speak of should come as no surprise to them. I can't believe there are pregnant women out there who are not interested in other women's experiences ... doesn't mean their's will be the same. It's not mean, it's what women do, share their experiences and learn from each other. It's not mean, it's the way childbirth often is! Sorry! Don't blame the women who've already given birth, blame God for our biology ... a relatively large baby has to be squeezed out of a relatively small opening ... it's gonna hurt!

Answer 6

As a mum, I found it such a horrific experience, I wish someonehad told me the truth and not lied.

I was told that contractions feel like strong period pains! What a crock of crap! And eveyone I know said dont worry, you will love the baby so much when you see it, the pain will be forgotten.

Well, ive never forgotten the pain, and I didnt feel a thing for my newborn, just relief that maybe I could get some sleep.

I think women who tell all the gory details (dont worry, im not going to bore you with mine!) are simply trying to be realistic.

There is a lot of pressure on women not to make too much fuss and shout or scream, so much pressure to bond with the baby, and return to normal life immediately after, I think women need to know what a life changing experience it is, that depression can be normal and supported, and if a few tactful fatcs help that, im all for it.

Giving birth is hard, its not like anything a woman has ever experienced before, there is nothing else in life to compare or even come close. Its a huge bonding isue for women, men simply have no idea, so its something only a woman can relate to, even if they havent done it yet.

I think a woman is better prepared if she knows the truth of what it can be like, not all birth are so terrible anyway, my labour was 26 hours, my cousins was 3, and she was out shopping with her newborn the next day.

Sorry if my view differs, but thats what this Q&A thing is about, but if a pregnant friend wants to know, I tell her the basics, but I dont elaborate the gory stuff unless she really wants to know.

Im not going to lie to someone and say its easy, because it isnt, its the most emotional thing they will ever experience, and being armed with a few facts is the best way to do it, I think.

The best bit of advice i have given to friends is to let your body run the show, dont try to stick to things like not having drugs, or trying to stick to a birth plan, if you want pain relief, dont be afraid to ask, and just take things as they come. you cant plan a birth like a wedding, just take each minute as it comes, and let the preofessionals help you, thats what they are there for.

Answer 7

I am 28 have no children and have very nearly been put off having any by the stories I've heard from women in my office!! They all come out with comments about not only childbirth but also parenting and how difficult it all is, how you never have you own time and how kids are little monsters!!

The childbirth tales are horrendous, all different, all equally gory. The women who tell them then all say 'but you forget the pain/humiliation' etc I suppose they must if they go on to have more kids!!! It's not very helpful for those of us who haven't started our families yet though!

Answer 8

I totally agree. I'm 34 weeks preggers with my first and really nervous. You'd think that more experienced mothers would be more supportive and tell you more positive things, and leave all the potential problems to be told by the midwife or doctor. Whilst it's good to know about potential threats and problems, people forget that most deliveries go well with very few hitches. Us first time mothers aren't stupid, we KNOW it's going to hurt like hell when we give birth. What we would like to hear is what we can do about it to make us as comfortable as possible. Apparantly water births are good for pain control and sitting on a toilet is a good position for pushing (my best friend AND my midwife told me that one). If you watch a video of childbirth, the labour looks daunting and terrifying aswell as downright painful. However, if you notice, about 3 seconds after the baby is born it's as though the last 20 - odd hours of agony didn't happen and they're just in awe of this beautiful little baby they're holding. Anyway, for me the best way I found to deal with these insensitive women is just to nodd and go 'mmmmm, really.' And just forget they ever said anything in the first place! I also find it quite annoying when people who have never even had children offer their unasked for opinion.

Answer 9

Hmm I guess its a case of : Mine was worst than yours. My children are now Teenagers but I go out of my way to explain to expectant moms (If the ask!) that pregnancy is the best time of your life - especially your first - yes you are scared but you are also treated like a princess - Labour can be pain-full - this is dependant on your pain threshold or whether you want to do "Au Naturel" or want assistance in form of gas or Epidural. However i stress that God must put a "forget" button into us - after the initial shock/ pain and joy - he lets us get broody again and we do it all over again - Giving birth is great Fun and finding out for yourself is a great learning curve. So next time someone starts telling you their gory stories ask them "If you had known then all the bad details that you are telling me about - would you still have had children? - very efficient if the person in question has had more than one child ;-)

Answer 10

I know you are right, I see it a lot, I am a nurse and I can tell you that you are right. It is mean and nonsense, Most woman do not have such a hard time, there is such good pain medications now that child birth is not a torture chamber like some say it is. For most it is a beautiful experience, and one no woman should pass on

Answer 11

I think ANYONE who tells an expectant mum all the gory details is selfish and nasty. I have 2 daughters - one who has just given birth and the other 5 months pregnant. The daughter who gave birth had a really rough time during the birth but fair play to her - she smiled sweetly and told her sister 'Ha - its a piece of cake - hurt a bit but you'll sail through'. I really admire her for that xx