Why do i find it so hard to let people get close to me?

Question

I am a young man with no bad experiences in life. Whenever anyone tries to get to know me i do everything i can to make them hate me. I'm a pleasent person with a good life and happy outlook but i have big trouble letting anyone close to me. I've never had a girlfriend through choice and dont really like anyone knowing anything about me. Any ideas?

Answer 1

I would encourage you to pursue your anonymity until you simply get tired of it. Then perhaps you can reinvent your assumptions about strangers and join the human race once again. There is an isolation working from a fixed lexicon which is self-based. You may simply reconnect with your native intelligence and wish to include others in your life just for fun instead of some form of combat. I wish you all the luck in the world learning to trust people once again, because a fundamental trust has been broken inside you and that is precisely what needs to be healed. Best to you, always. - Chris.

Answer 2

I know where you're coming from. I'm like that sometimes, too. I have seen a therapist who thinks it is because it is sometimes easier to avoid relationships than risk the rejection that could result if you allow yourself to get close to someone. It might be because you've learnt to do this in response to a past rejection (perhaps by a family member/close friend) that you don't even consciously think about now. It's also tied up with low self-esteem because you are essentially denying yourself some of the best things in life.
If you want things to be different you have to really work hard to stop yourself doing those little things that push people away that have become second nature to you. It's hard and scary but if you do call someone back etc. when you wouldn't normally, you will be rewarded. It is easier if you can find a therapist who can point out those little things to you (because they may not be obvious), help you change them and help you with your self-esteem. Hope this helps and isn't way off the mark!

Answer 3

Wow. Talk about coincidence!

I am a young woman with not-so-bad expericences in life. Whenver anyone tries to get to know me I unpurposely do everything I can to make them hate/shun me (ex; unintentially give weird stares, crack a bad joke, embarass myself.). I'm a pleasant person with a good life and happy outlook but I have big trouble letting anyone get close to me. I've never had a boyfriend and don't really like anyone knowing anything about me.

Sweetheart, it's OK :)! You are probably just reserved in personality, like me. I used to feel depressed and insecure because of my lack of ability to interact, but after awhile I realised something: there are people far more outcasted than me. I mean, at least I can get a job and go to public places. What about people with say, cleft lip and palate? Or those who are blind?

Besides, not alot of people truly love those bright, energetic people. There was this girl in high school who was president of student council. When she was around we pretended to like her, but secretly everyone thought she was a do*che because she was SUCH a phony.

Answer 4

The only idea that comes to mind is to seek advise from a therapist referred from your family doctor. Take the time to search out your concerns until you have discovered the answer. It is a good way to get a check up with your mental health which is as important as your physical health. Getting a physical at the same time would also be beneficial to you. Good luck!

Answer 5

i'm not that young but i know how you feel. i don't trust anyone EVER! There are too many piss takers out there who just want what you have! I don't even talk to people out side the net, which is bad really but at the moment i don't have much choice. I use to be a pleasant person like yourself but i got nasty.

Answer 6

It could be you like a bit more comfort zone than others in your reference group. Maybe you are a little less inclined to want to be open because you value the privacy of your own life and thoughts.
There is nothing wrong with not being welcoming of intimacy, and certainly far less wrong than, in my Dad's words "telling your a*rse" to everyone you meet!
Unless there is something more extreme than you revealed in your question, I would put it up to your being an individual human being, and not anything abnormal.

Answer 7

Hard to say without ever having met you, but I would guess that you somewhat subconciously fear rejection and therefore use your best defense to prevent it from happening. All humans have a subconcious drive to be accepted by other people around them, it's evolutionary, it helped our ancestors to survive by staying with others of their species. This instinct is known as the 'herd instinct.'

Answer 8

It seems that You do not trust people easily .
Maybe also You are a bit insecure with yourself.
If I were You, I would go and talk to a therapist. They do help people a lot.

Answer 9

why do we always try to fix everything?,maybe there is a very good reason for it, why not go with the flow for a year or so, see what happens-i would any enjoy the journey..good luck

Answer 10

i dont like when people hug me, or sit next to me, and i dont like strangers or acquaintances talking to me, i dont like talking with my friends much, unless its one of my close ones

i dont like being the center of attention and get embarrassed easily


you dont have a problem, its part of who you are, its not a big deal you dont need to worry about that and im fine so are you its just your personality and dont change it no matter what