I don't know who's advice to take!?

Question

okay...I'm 24 yrs old, was dating a guy for 2 years (he's now31 yrs old). we lived together, things got to be rocky in the relationship, and I got pregnant. when we first found out about it, he was very happy and excited....then he freaked out...didn't want anything to do with me, etc etc. and we broke up. I later found out that this was because of a rumor that I cheated on him and the baby could be someone else's, which is false. Then he decided that i must have gotten pregnant on purpose to trap him (which is also false...I was on ortho-lo and was sick for about a week) He still calls every now and then (last time was last month) to check on me. If he changes his mind about wanting to be a part of the baby's life after he's born (any day now!!!!), should I try things again with him? I need unbiased opinions! I've read questions similiar to mine and people have given really mean answers & I have been hurt so much over this these past 9 months and would appreciate only honest.

Answer 1

Yes you should agree to give him a chance IF you two go to pre-marital counseling and possibly some parenting classes. The baby needs a father, and if the two of you can work it out and be together, that would be for the best. Otherwise, you'll both need to decide what his involvement -if any- will be the the baby. Just please don't allow him to come and go randomly. Good luck.

Answer 2

In a situation like this one, I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Even if you do not end up back together, it looks as if he could still be interested in your child's welfare(especially since it appears he has initiated the check-in calls). This situation is not the same as a true trapping. Depending on what you were sick with, it is entirely possible that any pills taken during that time were not properly absorbed and thus could not prevent ovulation. It's also possible for sperm to survive several days after sex- in this scenario, the pregnancy could have happened purely due to the timing of everything. Another thing is, you might want to look into how the cheating rumor started. You'd be surprised how many people will backstab others to sabotage things(especially when a turn for the better has occurred).

Answer 3

Alot of guys out there are actually like that hunny. My opinion since you obvisously know that this man is the father when the baby is born put his name on the birth certificate and go for child support, if he trys to get back into your life dont let him. You think about it after all he didnt ask you if you cheated on him he accused you that you cheated on him and than he left and hasnt at all been involved calling once a month dont cut it your due any day and dont need his stress that he puts on you and you really dont need it when the child is born. He sounds like a jerk he is just making up excuses not to be the father and you know what hunny it takes two to create a baby but it dont take two parents in that babys life you need to just leave him alone and collect the child support. and straight up hunny you become that
*****, he put you through all this crap dont give him any more chances he didnt want to be apart of your life these past 9 months why let him in now ? I do hope this works and i do hope you make the right decision. GOOD LUCK and congrats on the baby

Answer 4

I wouldn't recomend trying to have a relationship with this man right now, he seems to have some trust and comittment issues. But he will have a legal right to be part of the childs life, and the child has a right to have a father in it's life. If this can be arranged that would be best, but I would hold off on the relationship right now because whatever problems you're having now will not be any better with a crying baby and no sleep.

Answer 5

If it were me, I would definitely give this guy ONE chance to be in his child's life, if he screws it up (by not keeping up his end of the bargain...visiting, child support whatever the situation may be), then no, he shouldn't be given another chance. Do what you have to do for him not to be able to hurt you and your baby any more. As far as a romantic relationship between the two of you, definitely not, whats to say in a month or two, he decides to go back to thinking that you cheated on him again? Or he gets tired of the "family life" and leaves again. Then you are in the same boat you are in now. Keep it civil for the child's sake, and move on with your life honey, there are guys out there willing to love and cherish you and your new baby that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Congrats on your new baby, and good luck with your decision!

Answer 6

Pregnancy is a scary thing for both parties involved, but moreso for men because they dont know what to expect. Also, so many woman get pregnant on purpose to trap their guy.

You sound like a sad, yet level headed lady. If he is still calling then chances are that he is just scared.

Personal opinion..... have the baby. Let him know that you dont want anything from him....money, relationship, etc, but that it
is important to you for the baby to know his/her father. Ease his mind by telling him that while you know the baby is his... you would like to get a paternity test to ease his mind.

You, move on with your life. Dont wait for him to come around.
Let him be a part of the babies life, but dont try to MAKE him be a part of the babies life. If he wants to he will come around and
IF he really loved you or still loves you then things will work out.

At least this way, YOU know that you have done all that you could.

Good luck.

Answer 7

yes. u need to mend as postive of a relationship with ur child's father as possible. not the point that he verbally abuses u, but dad should be a welcome part of your child's life regardless of the relationship you and dad have. dont try to get back with dad if he doesnt want to or if he has not made and effort to rekindle the relationship. but definitely allow him the opportunity to be a father. the rumors he heard really hurt him and it seems he did not have much faith and trust in u before the rumors. if so, it would not have been so easy for him to get upset. talk it out. tell him the truth. allow him in ur life personally if u both want it. but if he does not and their is a trust issue, it will never work out. trust is always key to a relationship. but again regardless allow him to be part of the child's life. dont use the child against him. it's not about u and him anymore. the top priority is the child now. ur relationship comes secondary.

Answer 8

My mother has had that problem, me and my sister where left by our dads, she tried but someone times it just doesn't work out. i wont lie and say life is a fairy tale cuz mine has been pretty damn close to hell. i think that if you clear up those rumors you have a good chance to go on. but if you have the slightest doubt you must either stop the relationship or stop it from growing. my x had a slight doubt and in four months it grew to a big one, a week or two after she became so not like herself and started saying only negative things.

my advicxe is think positivly. a good book to read (a small one) is called, "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen (i think thats the author. he has inspired me greatly and my life is going on as happily as it can get.

Answer 9

Dont worry everything will be ok...My daughetrs dad left me for the same reason,and the baby is his It has been to years and now we are together and happier then ever...If he wants to be in the babys life let him,if he wants a dna test let him cuz u know its his..But pleases make sure he does not try to walk kin a nd out of the babys life if he does then put a stop to it, cuz no kid deserves that....But if he willing to be a good father then let him

Answer 10

You should definitely let him have a relationship with his kid if he wants but I dont know about you getting back together. Look how he treated you. If it wasn't bad enough he thought you cheated but then he accused you of trapping him. Who wants a man like that ? If he changes his mind he can always freak out again.