I have finally the financial resorce to leave my abusive and financially burden of a byfrnd.He owes my rents alot of money wich i know he will pay back anyway I want to play it kool so he doesn't kick me out b4 dec1( Ifound a new place) I want to play it kool and spring it on him sort of last min so i dnt get stuck with his bills.he hasnt worked in over a year and both my rents and I have been supporting him.The house and truck are in his name wich at this point I really don't care I just don't want to get myself screwed and move out peacefully and not like a hooker when he's not home.How should I let him know without any drama that this is what I want and I want it to go as smoothley as possible?
2006-11-15 08:39:45 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he is abusive, don't expect things to go smooth by telling him this. For your own safety, either leave while he's not home and stay with a family member or some friends before Dec. 1st or leave on that day. But if I were you, I would take my stuff little by little and rent a storage place where I can store my stuff until that day. Telling him is a bad idea. I wouldn't even do it.
Oh and PS, don't tell him your new address either. I have a feeling this guy is going to end up harassing you after all this.
2006-11-15 08:51:45 · answer #1 · answered by jdhs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you find a domestic abuse agency first. Contact them, they will tell you how to go about leaving. You may want to get some legal advise as well and lastly counseling. If you do this, you will have support when you have to go to court. Besides why should he get the house and truck, you helped to pay for these.
Another thought, the agency people can tell you what financial records and/or documentation you may need. You may need to go as far as to get a protective order for when you leave. They have had plenty of practice as well as resources that you may not be aware of.
My best advice right now is to keep low. Make copies of all records/documents, including his, if you can. Find a safe place to hide these things. Pack a bag with things you might need for a quick get away and stash it somewhere safe. Have a code for help with a friend or family member. Above all else DOCUMENT everything and keep it somewhere safe.
It takes SEVEN times leaving, before the average woman will leave her abuser. Right now you are at a very vulnerable place. You may not even be thinking too straight. Call for assistance, don't be embarrassed to seek council. Get the help you need to be safe. There are temporary shelters out there, just contact the domestic abuse line or website.
2006-11-15 09:11:43 · answer #2 · answered by believer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the day you move out, as your moving van is driving up. If you are taking nothing in the way of furniture with you, tell him the minute you are leaving. Hey, he's gotta know things haven't been going well, so doubt that he will be surprised. Have most of your clothing gone if possible. You mentioned "The House"--- is this a house you two own, or he owns? Forget that it will be peaceful..... you are his mealticket, and he will be angry at the prospect of having to work. Have a girlfriend with you, and preferably her boy friend or her husband, or a couple of your guy friends, or even the moving guys. I don't think I'd be there alone with him.......
2006-11-15 08:55:48 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends is he the type that gets mad fast and breaks things. if he is then u know what to do. get out before he comes home it don't mean your like a hooker it just means your being smart about it. if he not the type to get mad and breaks things then yes u need to tell him a head of time. he can tell u to get out before DEC. 1 but legally he can't kick u out, even if the house is in his name, because u live there to and have keys to the house. it would be mean to tell him the moment your moving , but u did say he is abusive. so like u put it like a hooker there is no nice way to say something like that to a abusive person. and don't let him know where u live. if he financially leans on u don't u think he will be at your new apartment. my advice to u don't let him know where your moving.
2006-11-15 08:57:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something tells me that this guy will cause a stink no matter when or how you move out. Believe I'd get what belongs to yourself and pick a time that he'll be gone long enough that you can gather up your things and hit the road... I suppect you can't reason with this guy as he hasn't had any job in a Year? Gosh dear I think you deserve better...
2006-11-15 08:49:33 · answer #5 · answered by Scott 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's abusive, do it with a third party present. Someone you can trust to testify in court and he knows it. A male family member would be best. (But someone level-headed).
And you're absolutely right. Cut your losses and just go. Tell him and leave, don't listen to the inevitable sob story of 'I was just about to change'. Tell him, get out the door and go. No need to have any kind of contact after that.
2006-11-15 08:45:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then just wait until Dec.1...then leave....just calmly tell him the day of, I am sorry...but I cannot do this anymore...I am leaving you...then cut your losses and leave. He might try to get money from you and get your help...but if you just cut him out of your life...then he will find a way....be it from friends, family or a second job. Men do this to women all the time...so you can do it. Just leave...and every time he tries to contact you...every time he tries to make you feel bad.....even if he freaks out on you and is angry, yelling and saying, "I don't understand... Why are you doing this to me?" Just do your best to not talk to him....and if you start to feel weak...call a girlfriend or a family member to come over....or go out to eat with you...anything to to block him out....give him your little speech at first...then just leave. It is your life and you don't owe him anything...especially if he has been abusive....say your piece and be done with it...congrats on a new, fresh start....on your own. You can do it!
2006-11-15 08:48:23 · answer #7 · answered by Courtney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To make on omlette you need to break some eggs.You may have to accept that there will be some drama.If he is abusive he isn't going to take it reasonably regardless of how well you put it.You need someone there when you tell him.You also have to be prepared for him trying to make life difficult for you.Stand firm in what you want,if you really do want out it will be worth it in the end.Most of all protect your safety.Good Luck.
2006-11-15 08:49:03 · answer #8 · answered by New Boots. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is a "my rents"?
How are you going to move the big things out by yourself?
Have you already been taking some things out (without him noticing)?
Are you going to be able to get everything (important) out very quickly without him holding something of yours ransom?
Do you have any friends that could come of the day of your move when you also tell him you're moving so he doesn't get violent?
He's going to be pissed! Be prepared to tell him and then do it while at least one of your friends are there. You might want to bring two female friends instead of a guy friend. He might see the guy and want to kick his ***.
2006-11-15 08:47:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well move out as quick as you can so you can keep on hooking. about house and vehicle depends on your status of how long the relationship has been going on it's usually a 50-50 split but to make it go smooth , run and wait for what you are owed and keep your mouth SHUT. be patient and strong don't try and hook him because he'll bite. good luck?
2006-11-15 08:54:47 · answer #10 · answered by lee w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋