Been with b/f for 5.5 years, engaged for 3 years now. Previously it was my fear that prevented us from moving forward; and lack of finances for a huge catholic wedding which he wanted. It seemed as soon as I gave in about setting a date and planning, he got cold feet; waited until the day before we were to go to the church to tell me he didn't think we should get married because of parenting issues (my son from previous relationship)...says he'll never be dad and that he's tired of being just Joseph (name changed). Here's the problem, I cannot and will not encourage my son to call him dad when we aren't married. And if he really wanted to be dad, wouldn't he have committed by now? I feel like we're just swimming around in circles depleting all the oxygen. He took my faith in him and stomped on it. One day he says its over, the next he's planning family board games and such. How am I supposed to just pretend that everything is fine; how can I trust him again? Is it worth it?
2006-11-15 07:52:13 · 12 answers · asked by brokeninthebox 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Personally, I think any engagement that does not have a concrete date set has a problem with it that needs to be looked into seriously. The engagement is probably a sham to begin with, and is probably just an attempt to keep things how they are and shut everyone up about getting married.
2006-11-15 08:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some say that marriage is just a piece of paper, I disagree. It is (supposed to be) a lifetime commitment. That said, once that paper is signed, you can't go back. If he's unsure, and you were unsure . . . maybe you should wait. If a relationship is truely ready for marriage, niether party should have to even think about it.
Secondly, I agree with you that you shouldn't encourage your son to call him dad. I don't think you should do that even if you two were married. I don't know the details of your son's biological father, but if your son sees your fiance as his dad, HE will call him dad on his own.
2006-11-15 08:03:58 · answer #2 · answered by Sera B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. i'm in an LTR and if i got here upon that out, i might nonetheless stay with him. we could continuously undertake or no longer have babies in any respect. the guy i like is the guy i like. If he needs little ones sooner or later, i might try this for him, yet whilst he did no longer, i ought to stay with that too. So a scientific project might make no distinction to that. i might, even with the indisputable fact that, refuse to have a traditionally conceived baby with a gene that predisposed her or him to something existence-threatening, as i've got faith that this is in simple terms selfish. So if my different 0.5 insisted upon that as a project of our relationship, i would not stay with him. wish my answer isn't too long-winded - that's a complicated project!
2016-10-22 03:48:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, long engagements remind people that the relationship need to continue to grow and change. Many people get married to fast and then think "okay that's it. I don't need to work at this relationship any more because now I'm married"
You are work on your relationship like you should.
2006-11-15 08:19:57 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 an 1/2 yrs.? wow , I think I would give up on him real soon now. Sounds like you are involved with a man who permantly has "Cold Feet". Just make a new start for yourself hun.
2006-11-15 08:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long engagements are bad if the woman is allowing the man to delay marriage out of procrastination or fear.
Set a date. If he doesn't make it - that's it. Move on and find a man who wants to be a man.
2006-11-15 09:25:31 · answer #6 · answered by mecasa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a bunch of bull! Start making the plans, if he shows then yall will be married, if he doesn't then he's not for you...Yall will have yall own set of kids to call him daddy...your son doesn't have to call him dad...Your son will come around after when yall have kids and calling him dad, so will your first son.
2006-11-15 08:06:01 · answer #7 · answered by angelic1302 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have lots of issues. I would try and go to some family counseling sessions to help sort out all the issues.
2006-11-15 07:56:09 · answer #8 · answered by snapoutofit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the short engagements that you have to watch out for.
2006-11-15 07:55:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always difficult when children are involved. I think you may need to move on since he is so unsure.
2006-11-15 07:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋