I ask about aggressive passive abuse a few days ago. I took some advise and tried to talk to him. To my shock, he ripped my heart out when I asked him do you love me at all his response was no! what do I do, I am having a hard time sleeping, and getting up to go to work, I feel at a drop of a pin I could cry. Because of our job (managing a home for mentally disabled adults) I can't just get up and go. I have to see him and his smerks, and still "not talking thing all day. The sad thing is is that I am still very much in love with him. We have been together for 10 years. Please I need some good advise!
2006-11-15 07:49:21 · 15 answers · asked by Robyn D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh sweetie. I am so sorry about your pain. Unrequited Love Lane can be a long, lonely street to travel down. It is always raining on that street, with very few bursts of sunshine. But when the sun does shine down on that lonely street, you can live off its rays for days! LOL.
This is not going to be easy. There is no way around that. When you love someone and see them everyday and they don't return the feelings, you feel like you are dying a little bit inside. Your heart is heavy from the moment you open your eyes to face the cloudy day (and it is cloudy even when the sun is shinning) to the moment you fall asleep.
I know it hurts, but I want you to think about who you really are. You are more than this love. You are a person who cares for those who cannot care for themselves. That makes you a strong, compassionate person. You are also very dedicated because even though you are going through this emotional turmoil you stay because those people need you. Remember who you were before this love and hold on to that. You will come out on the other side. And you will be better. Battle wounds and all! Heartache tends to give us wisdom if we listen and learn from the lesson. This is just another of life’s lessons. This heartache will show you how strong you really are.
In the mean time, don’t let him see you cry. Make him think that you have gotten over him. Smile coolly at him when you see him and walk on by. If you work together, make it strictly business. It will make him wonder what the heck is going on. Don’t forget to live, and you will have to force yourself to do so. Heartache will make you want to run and hide and you still can do it when he is not around. The more pain he sees he is causing you, the more it will build him up and make him feel like he is so irresistible that you are dying on the inside because of him. It will make him feel all powerful. Don’t give him that. If you can manage it, go out to the movies with another male friend or just for a cup of coffee and make sure the guy picks you up at work.
You may be hurt, but you are not beaten. I wish you a new and better love. I wish you the best and God bless.
2006-11-15 08:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by ME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pain will eventually go away, it just takes time. See if you can transfer to a different facility or position so you won't be around him. Find something else to focus on, like a very engrossing book, join a new gym, take a vacation with friends or family, whatever. It takes time to get over the hurt of a 10 year relationship, but it you put your mind to it you can do it. You're better off without him. Someone else better will come along, when the time is right.
2006-11-15 08:02:36 · answer #2 · answered by snapoutofit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am soooo sorry!! :(
You deserve better than that though. I mean someone who you have been with for 10 years who can just break your heart in two and think nothing of it....really, you deserve MUCH better! It sucks, and it hurts, but you have to stay strong and keep your chin up because there is a person out there for you that will treat you how you deserve to be treated and who will love you more than life itself and maybe it's a good thing that this happened now, because would you really want to waste your life with someone who doesn't feel the same for you when you could be out there finding the person who is right for you?! Don't let him know that you are upset....be strong and smile and act like nothing is wrong and eventually he will come up to you....be strong, tell him "Thank You" when he asks for what..."Thank You for showing me the real you" I was with a guy for 5 years and kinda the same situation and it hurt and I cried alot and lost alot of sleep, and thought that I could never love anyone the way Ioved him, but you know what....I moved on and met someone so wonderful....someone that I couldn't have dreamed up any more perfect for me. Keep your chin up!! 8-)
2006-11-15 08:22:10 · answer #3 · answered by dazed*n*confused 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
iT'S NEVER easy to move on, when you break up with someone you are truly in love with... The pain may never go away, but you can find a way to ease it...
Take this time to find yourself and what you want out of life. Spend time with family and friends. Keep yourself busy. In time your heart will heal. Sometimes in life we have to go through a lot of bad seeds to get to the right one.
In time that special someone will come into your life. You will know the difference and then you will look back and wonder why you waisted 10 years on your ex. For now, focus on yourself. Life is too short to settle for anything less, then what you deserve.
Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing or seeing how hurt you are...
Sometimes the Lord has us go through many trials and tribulations to see how strong we are. It will just make you a stronger person for what ever else may come in the future...
Remember he never gives us anything that we can't handle..
GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!
2006-11-15 08:12:56 · answer #4 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i read your question the other day but i had no good imput for you, so i didnt answer. but this one strikes a nerve with me. i know that you hurt, and i know that it will take time for you to get over it, but you need to hold your head up high and when he smerks at you give him a nice big toothy smile right back. dont let him know that he has the best of you. be strong in public and cry in private. i know this is easier said than done, just start off with a deep breath. and try it. i am so sorry for you hun.
2006-11-15 07:56:10 · answer #5 · answered by blondie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sad thing is there is no easy way to get over being used, abused and down right mashed! The only sure fire way to move on is to let time heal all wounds! You will be strong and move on because you have too! You will cry, and fuss and maybe even curse! One thing you must do is get up and keep on moving. If you have spent ten years of your precious life with him maybe it is time for you to spend time with yourself! So there is no sure fire cure for the blues just be strong and you will move on!
2006-11-15 07:58:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun , there is really nothing you can do ..if he wants to be a **** , he is going to be one! I know going through these stages are so hard to do. but you have tried to talk to him. Now you need to make plans for yourself and your future. And know there is a brighter day ahead of you. It may take awhile to see it and it may seem so far away. But put your efforts into your future plans. take care an good luck.
2006-11-15 07:55:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you need to move on, I know how it feels I been there b4 and trust me its not easy, but you need to keep your mind busy, go out with friends, do your nails, dont think about it, its ot worth it. If he doesnt love you anymore than why do you want to be with him? You deserve better find someone that will love you and appriciate you. Good luck
2006-11-15 07:53:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, it's going to take awhile before you get over this. my 19 year old son was in a relationship for close to5 years and the girl left and never called or came back. he cries a lot, but he finally decided that it's time to get on with his life and find someone else. she did way before she left him.. you can do it too. my momma always told us that love is one of those things that can and does hurt. i hope this helps.
2006-11-15 07:57:12 · answer #9 · answered by jackie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you always feel down after a violent thing happens to you, it's normal. But you must ignore him and go on with your life, it's really difficult but not impossible. And you'll probably go on loving him for the rest of your life, but try to do it in a more rational way, try to go out with friends you appreciate
2006-11-15 07:54:12 · answer #10 · answered by south e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋