I just finally got out with my children but looking back and having to see all I have put up with I just feel stupid, like a bad mom for staying in what I thought was my fault. Now I am scared my ex will get custody of my son whom is 2 months old because he is fighting me and although I have police reports to back me up I am afraid the judge will just think I am a bad mom for staying.
Now I am a straight A student and activly in counciling but I am ashamed, do you think I am stupid?
2006-11-15 07:47:07 · 30 answers · asked by liyah's mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No you are very smart woman for leaving. Let him fight the jusdge will not give the baby to an abusive man. Continue improving your life things will get better for you.
2006-11-15 07:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by Venus 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not feel bad. It is not your fault.. When you are in an abusive relationship, the other partner says and does everything to make you feel like everything is your fault. But the truth of the matter is, they are not.
Do not worry going into court. The system understands very well what it is being in a domestic violent relationship. It is not easy for a person to just leave. You get scared for one thing and the partner lowers yourself esteem to the point where you feel you are nothing and that no one will believe you or you don't have anyone to back you up....
It's better late then never. Some people never get out.. You need to be proud for finally having the courage to move forward and move on for yourself and your children. With his history, I don't think the Judge would put your kids in a dangerous environment... It's all about the well being of your children....
Looking back at what you have been through, shows you how strong of a person you have been and by going through all that you have, has and will make you a stronger person. There is a lesson to learn behind this and that is "Nothing can never get you down, no matter what" From here on out you will be able to face anything else that may come your way.....
GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!
2006-11-15 08:03:42 · answer #2 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not stupid. You were trying to be loving and loyal to your marriage and tried to do what you thought was best. You need to know that his bad behavior was not your fault. You left when you could not put up with the bad behavior any longer. The fact that you are in counseling and going to school is all good. The judge will take all the evidence into consideration. If the man was hurting you and the children and you did nothing to protect them, then you would be a bad mom. You did protect them by getting out and getting on with your life. No judge will call you a bad mom for leaving a bad situation. Get your facts together to document every bad thing the father did and be prepared to show everything in court for the judges consideration. You should come out of this just fine.
2006-11-15 07:57:40 · answer #3 · answered by rac 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see how anyone can tell you that you're stupid for staying. They have no idea of what you went through. You are not stupid, don't feel that way. It makes me angry that people can be so heartless towards another human being just because they don't understand what you went through. I stayed three years myself. I never felt stupid for staying that long. YOU ARE NOT STUPID! Please do not feel that way. Everyone has reasons why they stay. Be proud that you got out, that's a major accomplishment. It's a hard thing to do, I know. You did the right thing when it was right for you. Don't go back, continue with the court and show the judge the police reports. The judge will look at those as proof that your ex was abusive and hopefully will consider that when he judges. My ex isn't allowed to see my son. You are a strong person, don't let anyone on this site tell you otherwise, don't feel stupid. Feel proud that you were smart enough to realize that you needed to get out. Now, go do something nice for yourself! You deserve it!!! I hope [sincerly] everything turns out ok.
2006-11-15 09:01:04 · answer #4 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie, you are far from stupid! You actually had the courage to get out while there are others that haven't before it was too late. Don't worry about the custody battle, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. If I were you, I would request supervised visits when the children are with him. None of this is your fault and if think you are a wonderful mom. Keep up the good work on putting your life back together, I am VERY proud of you.
2006-11-15 07:54:31 · answer #5 · answered by Mustang Sally 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
absolutely not!!! You are definitely smart for leaving and taking your children out of that situation. Your husband will not get custody because the judge thinks of you as stupid for staying in your marriage. Don't worry about that and don't let your soon to be exhusband convince you that you are stupid. You are not.
You need to draw up an arrangement of how often you think your ex shall spend with both kids. If he can't agree, keep trying what YOU want and whats best for your kids. Good luck.
2006-11-15 07:53:26 · answer #6 · answered by odessa2469 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stupid? No way. I commend you for leaving! There are so many women who never leave. It takes courage and love for yourself and child to leave. The judges understand why women stay in abusive relationships - fear, feeling it was their fault, financial reasons, no where to go, no knowledge of resources, thinking the man will change, and of course part of you loved/s him. I'm not a legal expert, but from stories I've heard, you should get custody. Good luck, and congrats on being so brave!
2006-11-15 07:52:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, pat yourself on the back,
it takes a lot of nerve to walk away.
No, one has the right to judge how good/bad a parent you are by the fact that YOU were being abused.
Any judge in his/her right mind wouldn't allow a child to be submitted to the same "relationship" with a parent that another just left.
However, there are certain legal standing you must keep in mind,
1) he is still their father, so he can be issued visitations rights.
2) unless he is charged with attempted murder on the children, he still has legal rights.
Chin up, you've made a good accomplishment, and your kids will appreciate it.
Good luck =)
2006-11-15 08:11:55 · answer #8 · answered by arcticraven77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all do the best we can.
Instead of feeling stupid for staying so long, give yourself a pat on the back. You are in school, a straight A student and you've gotten your children out of a bad environment.
You've accomplished a lot.
2006-11-15 07:52:58 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to get out of that and many people never do. you should be proud of yourself.
The judge will be hard on him. Why would a judge want a baby in custody of an abusive ex?
The judge will favor you, the important thing is that you and your kids are safe .
Good job for what you have done you should be proud of what you have done. You are a great mom
2006-11-15 08:28:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stupid for stay with an abusive man for 2 years yes. BUT you were and are VERY SMART for getting out, for getting counseling, and for going to school to make a better life you you and your son. You were also smart for even making the police reports, alot of women wouldn't even file charges, much less report it. You are changing your life around and any judge with 1 eye should be able to see that, and grant you custody.
GOOD LUCK.
2006-11-15 07:56:40 · answer #11 · answered by Danielle 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋