can someone give me an advice?

Question

my bf wants to marry me. we love so much each other. hes super good to me... but i dont feel about getting married cuz i am scared of getting divorced someday ( i wouldnt like me to happen the same happened to my mother). im 20 years old and im still in college...

im afraid of losing him cuz many men got dissapointed if they asked their girls and they said no.

what should i do?

oh well hes not bad at all with me. hes done from school earning 40000+ p/year. also i do work and earn good money.

Answer 1

I know it is difficult to do when you love someone, however, you need to think about YOU before HIM on this matter.

I was like you. There has been, literally, only one relationship in my life that hasn't crumbled to the ground. My mom and dad divorced when I was very young, and it didn't begin bitter but it ended that way. My dad got remarried and that too ended in a VERY bitter divorce (seven years later, still bitterness).

I was sure I wasn't going to get married because I didn't want to get divorced. I thought that when you marry someone, that you're supposed to hurt them and be hurt. That is not the case at all. I decided that I wasn't going to allow myself to "settle" for anyone. I decided I would have standards for a man to make me happy. And that's exactly what I did.

I am very lucky. I found a man who treats me with respect. We have both come from crazy, angry homes so we decided early on that we would never try to hurt each other. We also decided that we would never call each other names, no matter how upset we were. We layed down many laws for our relationship. Almost 7 years later, we have never broken any of those laws.

Who knows if where I'd stand on marriage if I hadn't have met him, now my fiance. He helped show me that there is such a think as respect, loyalty, and trust in a relationship. There is no doubt that I will be happy with him for the rest of my life. I am 22 years old. I am also in college. We are waiting until I graduate . . . about a year and a half. If you decide to say yes, I would wait until you graduate also.

However, that's just me. Marriage isn't for everyone, but you don't seem like the type of person who wants to be alone. You sound like you're in love with this guy. You sound like you're happy. Even if you choose not to marry him (which, again, you have to decide for yourself) I hope you won't allow your fears to cause you to miss out on what could possibly be the best experience of your life!

Good luck!

Answer 2

Tell your bf that the only reason you haven't said yes is that you were afraid of all the trauma that your mother suffered. If both of you agree to read everything you can before you get married, on how to make a good marriage, how to keep the romance alive (especially when you have children and are knee-deep in baby stuff), how to understand what each other really means when they say or do things, etc, then there's no reason why it should end in divorce.

Ask some people who have been happily married for 40 years what it takes.

Answer 3

Wait til you finish college before getting married. Ther is no guarantee that your marriage will go the same route as your mothers so quit worrying about it or you may sabotage it. You have to think of what you want and not his otherwise you could make the wrong decision and end up being miserable and that wont help anyone. If you lose any guy for saying no to anything, that guy is really inmature and not really worth being with. A real amn will be sensitive to your needs and desires if he truly loves you and will wait an eternity for you if thats what makes you happy. A real man will never ever pressure you into anything you dont want to until you are ready. So for your sake, even if you got engaged today, wait til after you graduate. Trust me , youll be glad you did. Good luck

Answer 4

You can't put your life off over fear. Just because someone else you know gets divorce doesn' t mean you will.Growing up Everyone I knew was divorced or has been through a divorce at sometime. I was afraid to get married.Both my husband and i were.We had always said that we didn't want to get married because both of us were from divorced and disfunctional homes. But we are rational people and know that married or just living together if the relationship is going to fail it will fail regardless. So we got married and even our own parents didn't think is would work because we were so young. But we have managed to make it work for 16+ years.

Answer 5

If you "love" each other enough to even consider marriage, then you "love" each other enough to have an adult discussion. Talk to each other about what you are feeling, what you want, your future, your fears ... in short, everything! While it's true that the #1 cause of divorce IS marriage, not every marriage ends in divorce and divorce isn't the worst thing that could happen to you. My divorce was the BEST thing that ever happened to me! I got rid of a free-loading loser, I found my self-respect, and I got a new guy that loves me and my kids to distraction. Communication is the key to any relationship, and marriage is the most important relationship of all. If you're not willing to work at it, don't bother to get married and you won't have to get a divorce. Talk to your boyfriend.

Answer 6

I feel 20 is way too early to get marry but 25 sounds fine. If you worry about losing a person because he will leave you if you don't marry him then can you call that "true love"?

finish your college, get a good job and pay off your student loan. by then you should get a stable head and settle down. I think you will change your mind too about marrage. Just study and enjoy your life right now. What is the rush to have kids. you got 15 to 17 years to go.

Answer 7

So your going to ah blow off getting married for something that 'MIGHT" happen. we are all scared of gettign a divorce... Marriage is something that you work at daily .. If you take precautions... This wont happen.( like an open line of talking) But I would wait. till your out of college. 20 is young. You not even legal yet. 20 is young to get married. But I would not live my life worrying about everything that 'COULD " happen, Because most of the stuff you worry about never happens. You worry and worry .. and the events never seem to happen the way you agonize over them . I would wait. a year or two.

Answer 8

Ask him to be "promised" instead. Don't get roped into committing to a marriage date. Your instincts are dead-on and you know it. When I was 23 I was dating a guy I really really liked and he kept pushing for a wedding date. I finally relented and chose a date far into the future but he kept bumping it up. Next thing I know his family is hosting a bridal shower for me (??!!!!) AND he's already gone and had invitations made without even consulting me! I wound up calling off the whole relationship. If he loves you, he'll wait. If he's just trying to force you into committment then it's a red flag. Don't do it. Whatever happened to a good old fashioned Promise Ring that simply states "I promise to stay with you until we decide to get married"? That USED to be the first big step!

Answer 9

Does he know all of this? if not tell him. You are awefully young and a commintment like that requires maturity. Just sit him down and be honest with him. Not to sound cynical, but there are more factors that come into play than just love in a marriage. You obviously want to be with him, and if he cares about you as much as it seems he does, he'll be happy with that until you are both ready. Just try to explain that sometimes you have to use you head...as well as your heart. Good Luck.

Answer 10

HUGE mistake at 20 to get married, but it's your life. If you're already thinking of divorce before the thought of a married life has entered your mind, then you're not ready for it. Save yourself the trouble and avoid it.