How old should a child be before attending a close family members funeral?

Question

Serious answers only please!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

I 've been working in a funeral directors for the last 18 years. I've seen all ages of children at funeral services. It seems that children can handle cremations better than those that attend burials. I imagine that it's something to do with seeing the coffin actually being lowered, therefore it hits home that what they're seeing is final. Having said that, burials are more distressing for adults too. Where I work we don't offer any guidelines on what age a child should be to attend a funeral,but we do lay down guidelines when it comes to children viewing the deceased. If he/she has expressed a wish to attend,then take him/her along. But please be prepared to offer an escape should one be needed.

Answer 2

Hi, and again sorry.

Basically, I think this is a very good question and there are some really hurtful people on here just wanting to post abusive answers.

The guy called Michael B is one of them.

Let me answer this like this,,,, I personally believe that any age is ok for a funeral. I remember when my grandad died and I was 7 years old. I was not allowed to go to the funeral. That hurt me, not at the time but later on,,,, even to this day I wish I could have had a chance to be there.

I understand that some people prefer that youngsters are not present. I respect that too, they have their own opinions.

All I can do is tell you from the perspective of a 7-year-old child who was denied something that would have put my mind at rest. I'm 30 now and still it haunts me that I did not attend.

Again, I don't blame anyone. I don't know how old the child is, or who has passed but all I ask is that you take this into account.

Take care.

Answer 3

It really depends on the age of your child and how mature they are for that age. When my mother died 6 years ago, my cousin brought her 3 year old and 6 year old to the funeral. There was commotion because they wouldn't be still nor be quiet during the funeral.

Its not the childs' fault because they really don't know any better, but to be completely honest...I felt embarrassed and hurt that they were being disrupted. I felt like they should not have come at all. My oldest child was 3 and I didn't allow her to come even though she was one of "Granny Becky's" favorites.

I honestly think it does more harm than good to bring children ages 0-10 (once again, it depends on their maturity level) to funerals because they really don't understand about death. I think its best to explain to them the family member has died, but will always remain in "our" hearts.

If you do decide to let your child go to the funeral, be prepared by taking someone (non-relative that doesn't know the deceased) who can help manage the child. That way if the child starts getting tired of sitting down or starts getting loud, they can take them out in the lobby of the funeral home.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope this information helps.

Answer 4

I'm with the answer from Ms Dynamite.

Exactly the same happened to me but I was 5 years old.

It was my dad and I can still remember him, although I was not allowed to go to the funeral. My mother was trying to "shield"! me from any hurt.

I don't blame her, but that has caused hurt ever since. To this day I resent her for not letting me go. I don't know who it is who has passed and I truly am sorry but just think that I have been put through hell and still I hurt because of someone Else's decision all those years ago.

Just put it this way, if the person who had died was your best friend, soul mate, true love etc,,,,, what would you do if you were prevented from attending a funeral?? Regardless of age,,,, it has effects that you could never understand...

I hope this helps,,, and once again, sorry.

Answer 5

We were taken to funerals even as infants; recollect an uncle dying when I was maybe 4.... and lost my first grandmother when perhaps 6.

I'd say that the child at any age SHOULD go....but I'd tell them that the person's DEAD, not sleeping, and will look a little different. (Grab the undertaker if you need help beforehand; bet you a nickle they've got something on explaining death to kids.)

I'd also arrange for the first viewing to take place in "the family private time", before general visitors come in (in case the child needs extra support---it can be tough).

When my dad died, my nieces (who were about 3 and 6) went briefly to the wake (open coffin) to "see Grandpa and say goodbye"; they then went off with my sister-in-law's sister, who came nearly 1000 miles to help watch the kids and support the family in grieving---wonderful gift! If you can possibly find a familiar caregiver to help ride herd on the kids, it'll be a blessing for everyone.

I wouldn't insist on having small kids sit all the time through a couple hours of a wake----and even the "older ones" (under 10) might need to take some breaks with a book, or do some quiet coloring, in the coffee room. They should be able to hold still through a funeral service----they're typically shorter than your average church service---but bring along tissues and some hard candy, and if very young....sit near the back/sides, in case you have to slip out with them.

May the mourners be comforted, and find joy in good memories.

Answer 6

Hi
Well if the child knew the person I think they should go. Its been said...its part of life, the dying. If you can explain simply, appropriate to age what will happen at the funeral before hand so there are no surprises and answer any questions, all should be taken in their stride. Of course if its your child going, you do have to put on a bit of a brave face to some extent, that may be difficult....they take their lead from you... a very difficult time but one that you have to get through together....we took all ages to my father's funeral and it worked well. The little ones helped the 'heavy' atmosphere, in a positive way. Good luck...

Answer 7

I was 5 years old when I attended my fathers funeral. However I didn't know what was going on. To me at that time it looked as if my dad was taking a nap, and everyone was watching him also. I am thankful that my mom choose to let me go. I wouldn't have wanted to miss it. So depends on how well your child knew the person.

Answer 8

Firstly i would like to express my symphathy to you for your loss

it depends on a number of factors:
- how close is this member of family
- was this person close to the child in terms of emotionally, psychologically
- do you think that the child could cope with the whole funeral setting/atmosphere

hope i've helped. i don't think you can put a definite age at which children should be able to attend. all the best

Answer 9

I think that it will differ with every child. It will depend on the child's maturity level and their understanding of death. I would take my 9 year old son but I would not take my 6 year old daughter. You are the only one who can decide if your child is mature enough to handle a big thing in life like death. Children do need to learn about death at some point in their life you cannot shelter them from something like death because it is a part of life.

Answer 10

It really does depend on the child, my youngest was 6 when she went to her great grandma's funeral, they were extremely close. I felt my daughter would cope very well and she did, i explained everything that would happen to her. Most of all the child must be made aware of how upset people will be as seeing adults cry can be very distressing for children.