Parents and childfree people: how do you determine who is a friend after a baby comes along?

Question

I'm a childfree woman who has several long-term friendships dating back from school days. A lot of my friends are parents. I'm finding it hard to stay friends with them due to different priorities, different life paths, different schedules. So for parents, how do you feel about your friends who don't have children after your child(ren) come along? Who have you kept up with and why? For childfree people, who have you kept up with and why, when your friends became parents? What are some dealbreakers and some deal-sealers in friendship, when two lives diverge?

Thanks for your insights. I'd appreciate answers that don't romanticize parenthood and are down to earth. Trust me, I'm not a parent and don't want to be. I just want to maintain my friendships now that we're on different life paths. Thanks for your help. Cheers, K

Answer 1

It's hard to keep friends that are childless after you have one. I can say this for experience. After my son was born, me and my best friend didn't hang anymore. Now if it is a true friend then you can count that you will always be there for eachother no matter what. There are birthday parties, holidays and just days that you can say let's go to the park. Only because a child is there it doesn't mean that you can't communicate, I think you can actually become better friends because there are more things that you go through when you are a mother, we usually need someone to talk to. We need to relieve our stress after a stressfull day, I honestly wish I could have my friend still call me. I invite her shopping but now she has new friends. So I guess she wasn't a true friend. I hope this answeres your question.

Answer 2

When our son was born, a lot of our friends at the time didn't have children. It was tough getting together with them because their priorities were different. They can go out till all hours of the night, we'd have to be home by 10 to put the baby to bed or relieve the babysitter. Your focus changes, no more late nights out, less energy.

We still hang out with our childless friends, but not as much (once a year as opposed to once a month). We're just on different paths. Most of our friends are 'trying' now, but they don't seem to want to be around us because we have a son and it's a reminder to them that they haven't been successful yet.

Answer 3

Live your singlelife like most of us do and when your friends are available to come out away from the kids. Spend time with them then. Its like calling when we were kids and asking if you come out and play and if not you played with those that were already out.