i have an attraction to men who has problems...like i want to help them out and comfort them...is this normal? my friend said that i have a hero complex? i dont know what that means...but what does my attitude versus men with some prbs about? when i say probs like drugs, some probs with family [as in fahter or mother, not wife or gf, i like my men single!]. But i dont know why i'm like this...any eplanations?
2006-11-15 06:59:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i dont think anything is wrong with u
2006-11-15 07:06:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your actions are completely normal.
There are usually two reasons for this attraction.
You may be interested in the challenge of improving another person's life by the force of your own personality and the example that you set. Your friend may be referring to this activity as a hero complex. In other words, you may be attempting to become a hero by turning another person's life around.
Or, you may be insecure in your own ability to enter into a relationship where both partners are equal in terms of morality, personality and intelligence. This kind of relationship may intimate you for some reason.
In any event, it's not a big problem. However, you need to analyze your feelings and motives. Think about your goals and your aspirations. When you determine what you want out of life, you can use this criteria to help you select your friends and acquaintances.
Remember, your main motive is to satisfy your own needs and wants. Don't fall into the trap of attempting to fulfill another person's needs to the detriment of your own.
Good luck.
2006-11-15 15:19:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal, but not wise. Lots of women see guys who are hurt and "deep" and subconsciously think that they can save him and make him perfect. They end up spending their time trying to make him better. On the whole, women go for guys who are hurt because, they are more spontaneous and seem to put more emotion into the relationship while simultaneously remaining distant. Ex: He says you're the only one for him but the day after he won't call you. This combination sparks women's curiosity and make them want to find out what's up with him. Be careful.
I'm not saying that you can't date a guy with problems...but if he talks a lot about his problems, always griping and trying to get pity, beware. The best guys are the ones who've had problems but are resolute on fixing them.
2006-11-15 15:10:28 · answer #3 · answered by Tonya J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to be like that, and trust me, it gets you NOWHERE! People never change unless they are really ready to change.
I used to feel that if they shared their deep problems with me (as I had some of my own problems) that it would bring us closer together. So what you are looking for is emotional intimacy.
Try to find a nice issue free guy that is emotionally available. These other guys are just going to waste your time.
It could also just be a nurturing thing - that you want to take care of people... Either become a psychologist, get a pet, or have a child ... then you'll want nothing to do with other people's issues!
2006-11-15 15:04:06 · answer #4 · answered by Reserved 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from experience that this "hero" thing...can get you into trouble. if you're not careful one of the guys may have problems that are dangerous or can turn ugly and you are in the firing line if you think your the savior. If you actually look to get into these situations...i don't get it. But if you are with someone who you truly care about and want to help work out problems then i can see it. regardless just be carefull who you are trying to save. the last thing you want is to be the one who needs the saving.
2006-11-15 15:23:31 · answer #5 · answered by Jaws Girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that NO man is perfect! Everyone has problems whether it be serious one like drugs, booze, etc.
Or just someone who seems to have mediocre ones, like not enough money for beer or smokes!
Try to find a guy who seems pretty sure of who he is. A positive outlook & somewhat responsible!
Nice guys are the best! and you deserve the best!
2006-11-15 15:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by redirishactress 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the hero is a Jungian archetype. Someone who is said to have a hero complex likes to "save the day." It's how you affirm yourself. Your not attracted to a man because of what he offers you but because of what you can offer him. In short your loving him so that your actions can help you to better love yourself. This is not a healthy basis for a relationship because no real relationship exists.
2006-11-15 15:02:41 · answer #7 · answered by texascrazyhorse 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are looking for admiration and vindication. You hope to take some poor wretch and turn him into a productive citizen. Maybe you should become a social worker. You will soon learn that people with problems can seldom be helped or changed.
2006-11-15 15:06:00 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have a hero complex. It means that you think you can save them fromt their problems. Its not such a bad thing but you may be misdirectiong your energy. If you want to help people donate your time to charities otherwise stop dealing with people with problems. You may find yourself in a problem also.
2006-11-15 15:03:04 · answer #9 · answered by cashis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And I thought I was the only one! I'm the same way sweety!
I see young men with injuries and I want to become their nurturer and let them know that they are loved.
It's nice that you care.
you'll probably make a good mommy
2006-11-15 15:10:57 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want something to fill your days and your mind. Is your life too safe, too ordinary..?
Other explination might be, that you feel easier to get to know to people who you can advice and help, that way you have always something to say in situations, and there`s no akward quiet moments..
Hero-complex is one possibility too, I agree.
2006-11-15 15:04:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋