What the hell is wrong with me?

Question

I have had abusive upbringing, hit, hurt, forced into aborting my child, cause i needed them, nowhere to go, i never got over that. I have been called fit to burn, endured all sorts of abuse, helped them out, when they were down, now i have my own family. They have leaned on me so much, i had a right to tell them to **** off, they have messed me up so bad, but i was there. My mother!!! overstepped the mark completely in my home, 2 months ago, so i disowned her. In a weak moment tonight, i called my parents, to be told, no, sorry, not talking to you!!! I am so hurt, again, what is wrong with me???? Why do i keep going back to these awful abusive people? just to be hurt all over again. They act like the victim, all the time, when they have given me a hellish upbringing, and made me feel so inadequate. Am i sick? Why do i let them do this to me? I feel like such a weakling.

Answer 1

I had a abusive childhood to, my father abused me, even now after 20 years sometimes it still hurts so much, bruses can be seen and heal but scars on the inside remain - they maybe hidden but remain for life. I think when you have been hurt and rejected by a parent it hurts so much because it's not meant to happen, your parents are meant to be the ones that love, support, care for, and protect you no matter what, they are the ones that made you! the fact that they are the ones hurting you is so confussing and wrong. Sometimes even now, i feel why me? after my father, my mother became ill and rejected me, i had no other family or friends.
My father contacted me again when i was 18, to confirm that he could find me where ever i was, and to remind me that the abuse was all my fault!, as i was "such a horriable child"! I know this wasnt the case, i was seen and not heard, to scared to be noticed, I went on to marry someone at 17 who was the same as my father, after 11 years of abuse from him too, i had a breakdown, he visited me in hospital just the once while i was on suicide watch to tell me to "go ahead as your useless and unwanted" i had hit rock bottom, so i decided to fight, fight against all the people that told me i was nothing, it has been hard, lonely, frightening sometimes, and like i said you have moments when you feel that twang of pain and desparation, dont dwell on it, they were the bad ones not you. turn your back and walk away, The hardest thing i find is with my little boy, knowing not only does he not have a grandfather,but his father repeated the rejection and fear that happened to me as a child, and that was something i didnt want. Now however, 2 years later i am married again, to the most wonderful man ever, there is happiness out there, but you need to take the chance to believe you deserve it, and fight for it. I dont think i will ever feel perfect, but i know my son and i have the right to happiness, Counselling has helped me alot to, so much so i am on my way to becoming a counsellor myself, Try talking to your doctor to, years of people telling you your nothing takes it toll, antidepressants can help give you that little bit of clear thinking that you need to escape. In answer to your question: Nothing, your human, alot more human than those who hurt you.Good luck

Answer 2

I am very sorry to hear about your life long grief. The old saying you can choose your friends, but you cant choose your family is I'm afraid right. Even when you don't get along and fall out all the time, they are still Your family. So to move ahead we have to accept that they are part of our lives, and always will be, what you do with them in the meantime is up to you. How do you cope without them, do you see yourself needing them in the near future. Are you mentally and emotionally strong enough to handle what may come before you, and what has gone in the past. Is there anybody close to you that you can confide in, a partner perhaps.

I have had troubles albeit different to yours, from an early age, and continuing now, only they are a mixed bag at the moment. I found talking to a Dr. and getting Prescribed drugs very helpful, as I wasn't handling myself too well before.

Life can be crappy most of the time, but nothing stays the same forever, it can and will fade, and bang there's something else to negotiate. I hope this is of some help.

Answer 3

The only thing I can think of is, with your own family and past you probably have a hard time of it so your probabnly just trying to find someone to turn to and help you out. It can be hard parting from family too because although they were nasty, they are still your parents and they're the people your supposed to be able to turn to for advice and comfort.
I could never know what your going through but they are obviously not the answer, you need to find someone to help you through and to listen to your problems. If you have any family or friends you CAN rely on, try and talk to them.
If not I would try and get some help from a different source, I know therapy can be looked down on by some people, but really it's just a source of help and advice, and mainly a place you can unburden yourself. It doesn't make you a weak person, everyone needs someone to lean on sometimes :)
Good luck and take care

Answer 4

hi, first of all you are not weak to endure what you have over the years and still be here means you are stronger than what you think...don't get in touch with these people again they will only make you feel bad about yourself...you need to look at all the things you have accomplished and what you have going for you now, when people tell you lots of bad things and call you after a while you start to believe it...but really they are the weak pathetic ones...if you feel these issues have upset you and are stopping you from having normal relationships then have a word with your GP he may be able to get you some counciling where they will talk over everything with you and help you come to terms with the past and show you managing strategies when your family get in touch...good luck

Answer 5

It's time to step up to the plate and be your own woman. Love yourself. You cannot control what others say or do you can only control how you will react to it. If you have gone through this you have no right to call yourself weak. Only the strong survive what you have been through. You will probably have to separate yourself totally from your parents. You have your own family now strive to be the best mother you can be. Learn from your parents mistakes and grow from it. Abusive people will always try and become the victim its another way to keep you down. Break away. Courage and strength to you my friend. You may need to talk to a professional counselor to complete your growth. God Bless

Answer 6

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted by their own family - there is nothing wrong with you and everything wrong with the abusers. Continue to hold your head up and get along without them for now. If the abuse was as bad as you make it then you mustn't allow them near your children. Stand strong girl.

Answer 7

You're not sick or weak, just human. But to get things in prospective and help you to live with what life has dealt you, need help to help yourself. I think a visit to your GP would be a good idea and ask him if he can refer you for counselling. It will help you to identify your issues and find a way to deal with them so that you can get on with the rest of your life. I wish you luck and hope that you can soon find a way to put the past behind you and look forward to a brighter and happier tomorrow.

Answer 8

I`m so sorry. Try going to church. You probably fell attached to your parents because, well, they`re your parents. If your husband is treating you bad, GET A DIVORCE.It would be hard on the kids, but it`s for you`re own good. You just need to get away. Take a vacation alone. God Bless!!!

Answer 9

you keep going back because we always hope that one day things will be different and we all want to be loved by our parents.my story is very similiar to yours. you must learn to love them from a distance without being sucked into their games. realize that they probably will never be who you want them to be and they dont see a problem because they dont know how to truly care for anyone. you cant afford to let them keep hurting you and eventually hurt your family. Believe me i have been where you are and this is how i dealt with it and my life has been somewhat better since.

Answer 10

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