honest answers please no jokes or smart comments?

Question

married for 2 years, have a 11 month old boy but my feelings for my wife is no longer there..dont wanna leave cuz of my son..but the attraction towards my wife is gone...so do i leave and be happy but sad cuz im not gonna see my boy alot..or stay and be miserable but happy cuz im with my boy...PLEASE NO SMART COMMENTS..

Answer 1

Do you want to try to have a better relationship with your wife? That's the only way I can think of. Try to do some of the things you guys used to love to do together. Bring the romance back. Some couples have trouble after a new baby comes. Just give it time and try to bring the relationship back with your wife. Make some changes in yourself and you will see a world of difference.

Answer 2

That is a tough decision.
If it's only the "attraction" that is gone, then you're not saying you don't love her.
Remember it's not only your happiness that is at stake, but that of a little boy's and your wife's.
Are they honestly happy?
Are both of you always arguing or one of you avoiding the other by being out more often then not?
If so, then none of you are happy, and therefore it's time to get an outsiders help (Proffesional preferred, no friends/family!!!) or go your own ways.
Keep in mind a marriage has it's ups and downs, it's trials and errors. You married each other for a reason, try to look back and find that reason.
Ask yourself what makes you miserable in you marriage, and is there a way for YOU to make a difference.

Good luck ^.^

Answer 3

Wow. I wish I knew what caused you to fall out of love with her and/or why you no longer find her attractive. It is very common for couples to have a rocky time after children are born. There have been many changes ... many wonderful (watching your son smile) and I know that you are no different than the rest of us and some of the changes are miserable (your wife gaining weight, changing poopy diapers, getting up in the middle of the night, not being able to get up and go when you feel like it.) If the only one you can relate to (like many men) is the "wife gaining weight" part and the fact that she is not as happy and outgoing as she use to be then I'd say YOU need to make some changes that allow you BOTH to be happy. If you are feeling this way I bet she is too. It's hard to be doing the best you can, not be able to take off weight and to have your husband who is supposed to be with you by yourside comforting and supporting you... find you unattractive after the changes that have occurred are because she gave birth to your son. I'm not trying to degrade you. I want to make that clear but you need to focus on the reason you don't love her or find her attractive anymore and own up to what your role was in the transition. It can change back. Remember... the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you leave you may kick yourself for it. Also it would be wise to think about what type of role model you want for your son. The way it is going he doesn't have an adequate one either way. If you leave then you are teaching your son to give up and showing him that it is OK to disrespect his mother. If you stay and don't respect her or love her he will grow up thinking that your relationship with your wife is a normal healthy one. And the way you described it... it isn't. The only real thing you can do if you are thinking of your son first is make it work with your wife. Don't be a quitter like so many in today's world. Show your son what it means to be a real man and find a way to love your wife again. It really is not that difficult. You just have to be willing to bend. After all... if you make sure your wife is happy her weight will come off. She will feel better and it will come off easily. Most women that retain weight after pregnancy do so because of stress. Our body creates horomones that basically make it impossible to lose weight. I hope you keep all of these factors in mind when you make your decision. I wish nothing but happiness for you and your family and will pray that you all stay together and become happy once again. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 4

Its very rare for someone to be the only person in the world to suffer from a particular problem. Thousands of men/couples have experienced the same problem as you and found solutions.

For virtually every problem you can think of, the answer is somewhere on the internet or in books.

Ask specific questions on here about where you can find information/solutions to specific problems.

I'm sure I've seen articles on the subject by agony aunts etc.

They said something about how the wife's role has changed and she spends more time as a mother to the kids than as a romantic partner. You need to take her on dates again. Ask women on here for advice on where they love to be taken, etc, or search previous answers.

This is a problem you can fix, if you put a bit of work into it.

Don't get drawn into acting out of character by junk psychology books. Use any insights they have, but be yourself. Keep it real. Unless you reach some sort of crisis point and need a marriage guidance counselor, I would learn to re-kindle the romance without discussing the psychology of it all with your wife, just by following advice on how to be more romantic and perhaps thinking of ideas to rekindle the romance by talking with your wife. That should be enough.

See the links below. On the last one, scroll down to see the section on 'New parents, No Romance' (going out each week and not discussing babies)

Answer 5

Exactly, counseling is a good thing and nothing to be embarrassed about. That's why counselors are always busy because you are not the only one feeling this way.

Although I am not qualified to make judgments, could you be feeling a little "left out" now that mum is spending so much time and concentrating on junior? If so, then these are normal feelings. It's like there is no time for you in the day. The first couple of years are demanding for little ones.

I would suggest that you try and make time for both of you without junior each week. I know it sounds tacky, but "date night" is a good thing. Get a sitter, or if grandma/grandpa can look after the little tiger for a night, even better.

Work on it. It's worth it in the end.

Answer 6

Are you sure the marriage can't be saved? Maybe you can look at why the feelings went away - see a counselor maybe.

If that's not going to happen, you should get divorced. Staying together for the kid(s) is never a good idea and ends up hurting them more. For your son's happiness, don't stay married to a wife you don't love. Get a good divorce lawyer and fight for sole custody or at least 50-50 joint custody. That will harm your son less than staying in a bad marriage.

Answer 7

I agree with most of your respondents that you are being hasty in this decision. You're still a newlywed and should still be deeply in love with your wife. You need to step outside of yourself and ponder on why you married in the first place. What was different about then and now? Try to recapture the love and romance that brought you together in the first place. Both of you should go together to marriage counseling to discover ways that you can improve your relationship. Generally, we love those thing that require effort on our part to create. Marriage is no different. If we put effort into our marriage to make it the loving relationship that it should be, then we will care about each other and love will grow. It takes both parties to make it happen. Find out how she feels about you and the marriage. Talk to each other. Do things together. Share time alone as well as with your son. Do simple little favors for your wife. She will notice and appreciate your efforts. Do not call it quits yet.

Answer 8

Ok, you have a real dilema, however, your child will respect you more as he grows older to get out of the marriage now. Maybe try counseling first if you want. But would you rather your child see both of you happy or both of you hating each other and have your son wondering what he is suppose to look for in a mate. Lead by example. If you are not happy your son will end up in a failed marriage as well. Just remember divorce is expensive and ugly.

Good Luck to you

Michelle

Answer 9

You are the father of a young son and let me tell you I understand what your saying.

when women are pregnant then have the child they change and if this is her first child she could be spending a lot of time with the baby and not with you but more like trying to adjust to the separate husband/baby change.

I would say try sticking with it for a little longer you never know if you give her time to try to adapt to the change sometimes it just takes time for the women to adjust and if that isn't the case well you were man enough to try to make it work. Sometimes people give all they can to something and if it still doesn't work well at least you know you did try your hardest there was nothing left you should never stay if your not happy.

Answer 10

Ask yourself why youv lost your feelings towards you wife. Maybe it's something that can be worked out. If not, then I hink you should explain to her sincerely that you simply dont love her anymore. I think that if it can be worked out, and your marriage can regain it's love, work on it. If not, then I geuss you have to divorce.
Your boy is still young, he will grow to accep the fact your not together anymore. But consider this: your boy will always be sad because his parents arent together. He wont have an easy life. It will be difficult on him. He may wonder one day why you split and maybe he'll think that both of you didnt want him anymore, and thta why your juggling him back from house to house.
My advise to you is do your absolute best to regain the love for your wife, do something that brings you closer together. Spenmd a little time away from your wife. See if you miss her. If not, why?
Communicate with yourself and your wife. If your issue is unsolvible, then, yes, i geuss, you should divorce. But dont give up untill you try!
Think why you ever fell in love with her in the first place. Why has your love for her changed?????? If you figure these questions ot, an d resolve them, your marriage may be saved. Good Luck!