its really really important, please answer!!!?

Question

so, i am almouste shure my dad is having an afaire, that he is cheating on my mom.. i'm just 13! and i'm the onley one who knows.. my mom is really sensitive and she is soooo afraid of an divorce, becouse my parent alreddy had some big fights and it came to the divorce option.. it broke my moms heart ... now its finally good between them.. and now i find this out.. GOD i feel soooo bad.. i don't know what to do.. i don't want my mom to be heart broken again and i have no ideea where this is going.. and even more confusing is that we (the family) want to move.. to buy a nother house credit from banks and all that stuff... i have no ideea what do to.. PLEASE help me.. i can't take it anymore

thanks people for your help, it really help me, to see a nothers point of view and someone to tell me that its not my problem, its theres.. but i still hate the situation.. and it is soooooo hard for me to talk to my dad.. i started telling him how i feel about cheatting... but i don't think he was so afected by what i sayed... anythins else i can do?

Answer 1

Ok.... you have two choices..... get involved or not get involed. You can confront your father and tell him how angery you are or you can ignore it. To the sounds of it, you dont want to ingore it. Look sweetie, no one get through a divorce with out some type of heartache. Just remember that both parents love you and this isnt a reflection of how things will be in the future.... Im sorry honey and good luck!

Answer 2

Well, you are getting a lot of good answers. This is a terrible thing for you to have to deal with. I would gather as much information as you have, and if you are sure that it all points to the same conclusion, then go to your father first and gently tell him how much you love him and how much you love your mother. Tell him about the hurt you saw in your mother when they were talking about divorce. Tell him you don't want to see that happen again. Ask him if he loves your mother. Tell him that you're sure he would not want to hurt her again. Then gently ask him about the information you gathered. Then tell him that if it is true, to please stop it and don't hurt us (you and your Mom) again. If is not true then please explain to you what all your information means. Just tell him that you don't want to see them or you be hurt again.
P.S. buying a house in these circumstances may be a way of changing the environment and making a new start away from the temptation. However, it might also be a way of covering up the situation. If so, then it can only have a bad ending.
My heart goes out to you. I agree with your other respondents that you need to realize that this is not your problem, it is their problem. You are the unfortunate victim of their problem because no matter what they decide to do, you will be deeply affected by it.

Answer 3

You poor thing. This is a lot for a 13 year old to handle.

Your Mom doesn't have to know the affair, if you can get your Dad to end it.

If you don't feel safe talking to your Dad about it, then you need help dealing with this.

Does your school have a counselor you can talk to? Or can you ask your Mom or Dad if it would be okay for you to see a therapist?

You could explain that you need someone to talk to about personal things and you would really appreciate someone to talk to.

Eventually, the counselor could help you confront your Dad about this and your Mom would never have to know, and be hurt by this.

Answer 4

Your mom needs to know what you know, but if you are not SURE make sure you tell her that. Maybe it's not true? Hopefully not, but it sounds like it probably is. See my answer to a similar question earlier today.
WHAT I FIND SO HYPOCRITICAL is that when in the Q about 4 hours ago that a girl's mother was cheating on her husband everyone was like " no no it's none of your business". Now, everyone wants the deadbeat's but kicked.
Rules and class work two ways people.

Answer 5

The person to talk to is your father. Let me repeat TALK TO YOUR FATHER. You already know that this will rip your mother up.Do not burden her with this until you have talked to him. Unless you literally caught them in the act you cannot be absolutely sure of anything.
This is an issue for your parents and especially your father.
Start there. Its the only way to proceed.
Your mother could react in any number of ways based upon her knowledge or suspicions. But there is one overriding possibility and that is " kill the messenger"syndrome, the old Roman practice of killing the person who brought the bad news.
Even worse is telling your mother and then finding out your facts were not correct.
Talk to your father. Tell him what you suspect and let him deal with its accuracy. Make sure he knows that you do not like being put in the position of knowing this information.

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear about this. I can understand where it would be upsetting and confusing and heartbreaking . THis is a tough thing to give advice on. I suggest that you follow your heart, go by what you feel is best for you and your mother.

If your father is cheating, your mother is going to eventually find out, she may even suspect it already.

If you have a good relationship with your mother and you feel close to her, then you should talk to her and let her know that you suspect it and let her know why.

Best wishes, hang in there.

Answer 7

I think that if your not 100% posotive you need to leave it alone. If however you know for sure you need to talk to your dad before you talk to your mom. If you can talk to him first and tell him how much it's bothering you maybe he'll let it go, on the other hand, he might deny it and get really upset that your even suggesting that he might do something like that. It really depends on your dad. If he really loves his family, and his wife he'll go to your mom, if not there is really nothing that you can do to make them stay together. It also isn't something that you want to make happen. Also, I'm sure that your mom isn't as nieve as you think she is, if you figured it out, she probubly has too. I know this kind of thing isn't easy, but go to your dad first if your going to talk to either of your parents.

Answer 8

This is one of those things that you have to do. Tell her now or it will drag out and come out later. The sooner this goes down, the sooner everyone will start to feel better. The sooner you do this, the less time the lie is going on. Just make sure you're right before you go saying things like this. Sorry.

Answer 9

At 13 there is not much you can do but support your mom all the way. It seems to me that you guys will be better off without your father as he doesn't care about you and your family. You need an adult family member to get involved, so if you have one you can trust, don't hesitate anymore and bring up the subject.

Answer 10

You're almost sure your dad's having an affair, but not 100% sure??? I wouldn't confront your dad OR your mom. If you need to talk to someone about this, find another adult you trust, either a school counselor or minister or someone. I know this is hard on you, parents don't realize what their problems do to their children, but you've got to try and do your best regardless of what goes on with your parent's marriage. Remember that no matter what happens with your folks, they both love you very much, and always will. Leave the marriage to them, you're way too young to even deal with it, or get involved, and you're way too young to worry about buying houses, credit, etc. That's all adult stuff to deal with, and you'll have to deal with it soon enough. Best of luck to you.