A question about moving on?? I want to hear from men who are divorced. Divorce women tell me your experience

Question

I have been separated for 11 months and know now that divorce is pending. This is after 14 years of marriage and 20 years of being together. Now I have had two or three dates during the separation and all have come during the last month. My question is what is the best advice you can give during a period of time when everything seems stacked against me financially and emotionally being that I am the one who did not want the divorce? My next question is did you date during this period of time and how did that work for you trying to start over?? Finally, how many of you have remarried and what is different from your first marriage???

Answer 1

1.) If she wants the divorce there is nothing you can do to stop it. I know financially it seems like a lot but use some of this new found time you will have to get a PT job. It will help with your finances. Don't let it overwhelm you, think positive. If you have to pay child support its not forever, plus it's for your kids, not her. If you have to pay spousal support, it won't last forever either. Make the best of a bad situation.


2.) Yes I dated during this time but nothing too serious. More for a confidence building thing and to help ease time as I got over the failure of my marriage. Don't go rushing into a relationship. Be honest with whomever you meet. Let them know your are coming out a divorce but don't DON'T spend a lot of time taking about your ex or your marriage. HUGE TURN OFF! The wanting to open up to someone will be there, take that to counseling, not to a potential mate.

3.) Not remarried yet but after being in the dating scene for almost 2 years, I have found someone I think I may want to spend the rest of my life with again.

One thing I did while being alone is figured out why my marriage failed. (my unhappiness) and figured out what was most important to me in a mate. I always thought I wanted someone opposite of me but realized I needed someone more like me.

Answer 2

After such a long time it may take a year or two for you to feel better about being single, for you to open up to new possibilities.

Try staying very busy. Go to the gym, and work out regularly. Get some self-help books at Barnes and Noble.

When I was a lot younger it was easier to start dating after my divorce. As you age the field sort of dries up as far as new people are concerned.

Return to church, and get involved there. That's always a good start. Don't do bars.

Accept your part of the responsiblity for the divorce.

Answer 3

I was the one who left, but I don't think my ex was against the divorce. He had a "back-up". I've been much happier divorced than I was married. I started going out a month after I left. It seemed very awkward at first. Then I met someone I really liked and we're not married but have lived together for 3 yrs. Our relationship is honest which my marriage was not. I wish you great luck.

Answer 4

I do believe it makes a strong difference as to what end of the divorce one is on. The divorc-er (which I was) has no problem moving on. The divorc-ee (which you are) it comes harder.
Since it wasnt your choice. And you probably had no idea it was coming. I swore I wouldnt do it again. But after 7 years, and the children being grown, I did it again. FRIENDS have a much stronger chance at survival than LOVERS. Since I feel friends know each other better and have much more in common.

Answer 5

I was married for three years, divorced, remarried within a year of meeting my current husband. You mentioned something very important.... baggage. Right now you have so much baggage it wouldn't be fair to a new girlfriend. You need to find a Divorce Recovery Workshop to attend. It made all the difference in the world to me. I learned so much and have such a happy marriage now. Good Luck to you.

Answer 6

sweetheart, i have not been through a divorce myself, I watched my best friend go through one, her husband wanted it. It took some time and some very painful nights but she got through it. She did date in this time and i dont personally think that was wrong at all, it slowly helped her move on. You will get through it, it's very hard but you will. She has not remarried yet, she is going to date for a while before commiting again. I think that would be your best bet. Just keep your friends close, being alone is the worst in times like these.

Answer 7

My divorce did not take that long.. maybe 5 months tops. I did begin dating once it was final. You are free to date when you choose once the seperation is final. It was hard to start over but I have good friends with lots of encouraging words. I have not remarried, but will soon. I think the difference in my marriage will be more communication and understanding. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

My advise to you would be to take things slow, I have been divorced for 3yrs and now remarried, just got married this year. My ex and I had 2 kids. I did date during our separation (one man) and that man is who I ended up marrying. The difference between the first marriage and my new marriage is that my husband makes me smile/laugh alot, we are able to talk about anything, I can be myself and he can be his self. Good luck.

Answer 9

I wanted the divorce, at first. When it sunk in that we would be divorced, I was devastated. There was no separation for us. I turned to a man that I knew I would never be serious about and vise versa, for emotional support and other "things." He was a big comfort to me.
I knew I wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship, I was rebounding.
They say a year after the divorce is final is usually adequate time to wait to start a relationship.
I never remarried, my child comes first.

Answer 10

Well, I am seperated right now, for just over a year. I just started dating too so I don't have a lot of quality information to give you except that it's weird for everyone who is just getting back into dating after such a long break and taking it slow seems to be working for me.

Good Luck.