Any advise on a brother?

Question

Here is some background. My brother and I haven't talked for almost two years. He is angry at me because of an argument I had with his wife. She cheated on him more than once and had told him that hte baby she was pregnant with (at the time) might not be his. He is totally controlled by her because he is so wanting to hold onto her. My brother is mad at me because of the things I said about his wife to her (though he was saying it was because of something else) He has nothing to do with me or my kids. Should I just let him go, put it in my mind that he is dead to me or should I try to patch things up with him? Would it do any good while this witch is still in his life?

Thanks.

So far what I have gotten is what I want to do. My brother and I use to be very close. I was there for him financially, emotionally through all of his failed relationships. I am out a lot both heart and pocketbook over him. I called him a year to date from the "big fight" and he hung up on me, then when I called back he put his wife on the phone and she cussed me out. He told me he hates me because I said that he was like our mom because he is mousy and easily controlled (which he is) A half year later he is claiming he hates me because I called his wife a slut (which she is) I tried my best to patch things up even apologizing for arguing with his wife and he told me (f- you) I miss him as a brother and my kids need him as an uncle and I want to be an aunt to his kids (biologically his or not is up in the air for now) Thanks

Answer 1

Do not let him be "dead" to you. Do not try to patch things up. Your brother has a self-esteem issue. He needs to be controlled by this women, now listen because here is the key phrase, at this point in his life. I admit, many peoples "at this point in his life" turns out to be a lifetime. Most people, however, hit bottom. The self esteem problem is his, only he can own it, only he can decide it is time to overcome it. "She" will more than likely be the one to cross the line he does not yet know he does have drawn. At that point in time he will need your help, probably in many ways. Be there for him, but let him come to you. He already knows you love him, you have shown him that, and he knows that he can turn to you. DO NOT BE THE I TOLD YOU SO kind. At the same time do not baby him, he will need to stand on his own two feet. Also do not be surprised if he goes back to her. Many times. By now he has probably shown him that she can use the child as a crutch against him. And she will. Just be there, quiet, non judgemental and loving. I know I said do not try to patch things up, I meant it, but do send him a card that simply says,m "just called to say I love you" Call him and say "just called to say I love you" then "got to go, bye" and do not get into any indepth conversation. Good luck. By the way, I haven't talked with my siblings for some 30 years, in my case it is to late, do not let it be to late for you.

Answer 2

There are a times when the truth, doesn't really hurt the victim but the beholder of the same truth. You ought to have kept quiet, and not interfere, with other peoples lives. You can imagine if she were you how could you have felt.
Anyway, you can't let him go, for he will still remain to be your brother, whatever happens.
Now, if it was two years ago, its clear that the child has been born. We have the DNA, they might have tested, and arrived at some results. They must be convinced, that the baby is theirs, and that could be the reasons as to why ''he hasn't talked to you for all this time''.
You've got to ask for forgiveness, whatever the price it may cost, for blood is thicker than water. Good luck, and good day.

Answer 3

I have had personal problems with my own brother. As mad as situations have made me over the years I have never wanted to completely be out of touch with him. We have just had various problems over the years. I still love him of course. He just doesn't treat members on his side of the family with much respect at all (most importantly our mom).
(but bows down to his wife's).
She has basically quit coming to all functions on our side of the family ...and he comes when its convenient for him.

Is your brother controlled so much that she will not LET HIM be part of your life. Or is he just personally offended that such devastaing "truth" was told about his wife? If that is the case not much you can do. If not, I would try to put forth enough effort to have at least some type of peaceful relationship with him if nothing else. The older I get the more I regret not completely burying the hatchet. And that is where I stand at 37.
Sounds like he married a real "peach" too.

Answer 4

It would break my heart to lose my brother, I'd send him a card, tell him in the card how very much you love him, invite him for coffee so you can talk, apologize to him, tell him you were looking out for his well being and tell him if he wants to stay with his wife then you'll accept it and you'll have to bite the bullet around her for yours and his relationships sake.

I love my brother and went through this too, Thank Goodness he divorced his ex-wife but some of them will not, I bit the bullet and kept my comments to myself, to this day, I still do not bad mouth her even though they are not together, I just let it go, it took him awhile but he realized what the best thing was for himself...

Answer 5

There seems to be a lot of water under the bridge with your brother and his wife. You could try to patch things up with him. At least then you could say you tried if it should fail. Remember that a relationship with him comes as a package deal (him and his wife)

Answer 6

I can tell you this, his relationship with his wife is between him and his wife. As much as you love your brother you need to let them resolve their problems between them. In the meentime you should not alienate your brother either. That really won't do either of you any good. You don't have to like his wife, just agree that you won't discuss her, period. If she really is the witch you say she is then he needs to come to that conclusion on his own without your help. Interfering will only hurt your relationship with him and you should be more concerned with the relationship between the 2 of you than your relationship with his wife.

Answer 7

Family is important... and that bond between you and your brother is frayed but I wouldn't say it is broken. what you must do is respect your brother's wishes and since he wishes to be with a woman you refer to as a witch... the best thing you can do is keep your opinions about her to yourself. It is obvious he doesn't care for what your thoughts on her are, so to keep the relationship with your brother stable, suck it up and accept the fact that he wants to be with her. What he needs to do is accept the appology you will (yes, you need to say you're sorry) give him so the both of you can make good and keep the bond of family strong. You don't have to like his wife and he doesn't have to like who you date... but the both of you should respect each others choices and only speak on it when an honest opinion is asked for.

Answer 8

You both need to remember that one day one of you will die, and the other will feel like an a s s h o l e. Remind him of this and try to patch things up. In this world, sometimes familys all you got.

Answer 9

you could try to patch things up, but since he is so controlled i don't know how much good that would do. sooner or later he will realize the woman he is with is no good, until then he has the right to be with her, that's his wife. believe me i wish i wouldn't have the sister in law i have either.

Answer 10

Try to patch things up. Your brother seems like a nice guy. Have a relationship with him that doesn't involve his wife. I wouldn't want to die (not saying your gonna die any time soon) without having a healthy relationship with my fmaily members.