He either doesn't listen or "mirrors" it back on me. For instance, when we were talking one day, I told him I didn't feel like he respected me. He, in turn said that I don't respect him. Today, I told him I had a job interview and after him saying "See, I told you, you were going to get a job today." he then said, "So, are you going to have time to pick up the girls." When I said no, he huffed and puffed, acted all mad. Which, in turn made ME mad. It's like he gives and then takes away. What the heck is up with that??? We are seperated, I moved out and am trying to work on our relationship. Somedays, I feel as though our marriage is a lost cause, while other days I feel like I need him in my life. He's a good guy, just sometimes sooo over-bearing and egotistical. Yikes, some advice please....
2006-11-15 06:05:15 · 8 answers · asked by Erin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
(this is in response to Pearl) I left him to show him I could and would. (Since he once said I would be on welfare, living with Mommy, etc if I ever did leave him) I am trying to work on my marriage because I am not a quitter and believe in at least trying to make things work if I can.
2006-11-15 06:18:23 · update #1
You said you're working on the relationship, but if he isn't, it probably isn't worth while. If he has been like this forever, and you thought you could change him....yep, think again. If he is as self centered as it sounds, you moving out probably just gave him more free time to do what he wants. Don't kill yourself working it out if he won't give 110% also. Habits are hard to break, and no one is perfect, but feeling like dirt on the bottom of somebones shoe is not expected. Your girls should be learning repects from both parents.
2006-11-15 06:13:42 · answer #1 · answered by vkkesu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good that you are trying to work on your relationship with your husband despite the separation. Hopefully, he will do the same. It is not good for your children all this friction and divorce would be worse.
Is your husband engaged in criminal activity, drug abuse, alcoholism, smoking, meat-eating? These should be good reasons at least for separation. If so he needs to make a serious effort to get rehab.
Is your husband being too materialistic? The pride thing is a sign of it. Does he have any spiritual or religious concerns? Normally religious concerns warn against materialism and material pride.
Have you tried having meetings with your husband at least once a week at a coffee shop, library, or religious center? If you have regular talks with the right information and guidance (guidance if necessary), then perhaps you can resolve these differences keeping you apart and threatening your children.
2006-11-15 14:28:37 · answer #2 · answered by devotionalservice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. You did right by separating, you are doing wrong by trying to work this out. He is not willing to work with you because he is a sellfish barstard.
believe me: I had an ex like that. Please do your kids and yourself a favor: Move on. If he cant keep up with small talk like your job or your feelings, then he is not even willing to pretend he cares... thats the lowest it ever goes. My girlfriend sometimes rants about crap I dont give a damm but I know it makes her day if I pretend I care. I am good at it, to the point she thinks I actually do.
You need someone who cares, or at least who loves you enough to prentend he cares.
2006-11-15 14:11:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They all do this, because they don't know how to accept criticism and they are afraid of their feelings coming out. My husband is the same way and what works best for us(16 yrs married) is I tell him he needs to sit there and listen without talking till I'm done venting, and by the time I'm done he forgot 1/2 the stuff I was saying to throw it back at me and he usually agrees with me, and my feelings. Then of coarse we Make UP....FUN.
2006-11-15 14:12:24 · answer #4 · answered by sweet4saucy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to tell you this but your husband thinks the world revolves around him. It's a mircale that he doesn't degrade your also. I would get my life together and and not worry about him. Because real soon reality will hit and who's going to clean, feed him and wash his clothes when your not there. I would get a life without him cause all he wants is his needs satisfied, right? I bet when you'll go to bed after he rolls over and goes to sleep and doesn't worry about your needs right. So leave the loser
2006-11-15 14:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you work on your marriage if you don't live together? Anyway, get some counseling so you can understand how the other communicates. This seems like both people are talking but neither is listening.
2006-11-15 14:11:23 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey it sounds like u 2 needs some professional help ASAP, or else u 2 would soon be heading for the Divorce courts.
Talk to him sweetie if u want to make things work.... its not just abt u but he also..... does he wants the same?
Gooodluck!
2006-11-15 14:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by Miss-Kenya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
email me if u want to have someone to talk to
2006-11-15 18:03:10 · answer #8 · answered by nova_av 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋