Marriage AFTER a baby how accepted is it now?

Question

The last few questions i have asked have been about pregnacy.Now im curious how much is having a baby and then getting married accepted?Also whats a good way to break the news to my mom over the phone that im pregnet when she is 1000 miles away?Im 20 years old I have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years.Im adopted and have herd from my mom all my life dont get preg to young and not before your married. I am currently unemployed but had decided to go to nurseing school.My boyfriend has a good job but i just don't know if it can support 3 people while im going to school.we had been talking about getting married next summer but I havent mentioned it but a few times to my mom.Really i just wanna know how can i tell my mom about my pregnancy and what to say to help her understand im not throwing my life away.This would be so much easier if we were already married. Any sugguestions?

Answer 1

First of all, research grants or scholarships for "single" (unwed) mothers. There are soooo many programs to get single mom's to stay in college so that later they aren't on government programs such as medicaid and food stamps. Many of these schooling programs also cover living costs including daycare, rent, bills. From what I know of them, you can still be with your boyfriend, but get the assistance so long as you aren't married. There might be a condition about age, though, since most financial aid goes from parents income until you're a certain age. As far as telling your mom, I think she loves you. You said you were adopted, and many times adoptive parents love their children more than natural parents because (I don't know if this is the case in your situation) many can't have any of their own and that make the child all the more precious. She may be disappointed or even angry, but she'll love you regardless. As far as the money thing; my boyfriend had a horrible job and still supported us (two kids and me) for as long as possible. He's now in school and we're both working until he's out, or I get approved for grants or scholarships so I can go too and still take care of our babies.
The marriage thing. Well, there are so many unmarried couple out there who have kids these days that it isn't as frowned upon like it was before. My mom's side of the family wasn't happy that I wasn't married to him (still not), but they accepted it. My dad's side was a little harder. His mom is still on my case to get married, but she isn't willing to pay for any of it, and I told her if she didn't want to help pay for my wedding, then she could stuff it. I love her, she knows it, but people who want to give their opinions with out giving the help to make it how they want need to butt out.
Good luck, hon. And don't think of your baby as something to hold you back. It's something to add to your life. And it is YOUR life, not your mother's. You need to live it how you feel necessary.

Answer 2

I was 21 when I got pregnant with my first child. I actually lost 1/2 my family because of it, although my mom and dad, sister and brother have always been very supportive. I look at it as a family should love unconditionally no matter what. Your child is your child adopted or not.

We decided to wait to get married until after the baby was born because we wanted to make sure it wasn't a rushed decision because of the baby and we had been together for 3 years prior to getting pregnant. I have now been married to the same wonderful man for almost 12 yrs and we have 2 boys with a little girl currently on the way. (36 wks so far)

The way I told my parents is I got them on the phone and excitingly said "I've got some amazing news for you" They asked what and I happily blurted out "You are going to be grandparents!"
At first they were a little shocked, to be expected but then were excited by the news also. I stressed myself out alot about how they would react as I come from a very strict Irish Catholic family, but they took it better than I could have imagined.

I would say that it is more accepted now-a-days because I see it happening quite a bit. And who really cares. As long as you are wonderful loving parents it shouldn't matter. There are MANY people who have children and yet continue to go to college or further their career. I'm not saying it's easy by any means, but be strong and focus on what's best for "YOUR family" now.

I would also say to have answers prepared that you think she may ask. Such as how you plan to finish college, where the money will come from, how you plan on handling things, taking care of the baby, ect. If you show your mother you have a plan it may go a bit smoother and she should see you have a good head on your shoulders and have thought things through. Also maybe as far as the marriage thing goes that you are taking things one at a time, and cherishing every moment of your events.

Be prepared for anything! Good luck! and most of all...
CONGRADULATIONS!!

Answer 3

Times have changed, marriage rates are down as more couples are living as common law husband/wives, having children before legally binding ties are more accepted.

Since you've been with your boyfriend for so long and have spoken about marriage, you're mom should be more accepting and possibly excited. Parents worry more about teens who aren't in a serious relationship, you are not that.

Just tell her you have great news that will change your life but in a positive way and take it from there. If you could possibly tell her in person, maybe over the holidays, would be much better, maybe even as a Christmas gift. You can give her a framed sonogram photo or a shirt /hat that says I love my grandma. The more positive you make it, the better and more excited she'll be. Best luck and congrats!

Answer 4

I got pregnant when I was 16 so I know what it's like to be scared to tell family members. When I first told my mom she was upset because I was so young but she got over it and now my son is her pride and joy. As far as getting married after having a baby goes I don't think there is a thing wrong with it. There's not really too many ways you can tell your mom so it's just best to be honest with her about being pregnant and let her know how your feeling. I don't think you need to make her understand your not throwing your life away because as a mom she should know that it's the greatest thing in the world. She might be upset at first but she'll come around so don't worry.

Answer 5

I'm sorry however I are not able to even cope with your query, when you consider that I'm pissed that you just even had the audacity to mention that you're looking to get this youngster from your brain. Are you loopy? What is it with a few guys? Why you're so worried approximately the emotions that you've got for this different girl, this different girl is by and large worried approximately elevating a youngster who has a father who would possibly not even recognize her. I'm now not a Jehovah Witness and do not know what you're honestly finding out, however I desire like hell they are not educating you to ignore a youngster that you just fathered. The worst aspect approximately it's that you do not even present to help the youngster financially. Many ladies do forgive guys for a few purpose, however they not ever relatively disregard. Hmmm possibly it's not forgiveness. Maybe there's not anything that you'll relatively do. She will must "come round" on her possess. Just be liable. Honestly, I desire your spouse reveals anyone else and also you uncover your self by myself.

Answer 6

I was 20 and unmarried when I became pregnant with my first child I lived on my own and had a good job and my parents were still up set, well 2 years later I became pregnant with my second child and we decided we were going to get married before we told anyone!! Alot of my friens (similar sge to me ) have children and are not married i really don't think it is that big a deal this day in age your lucky to have the father or even know who the father is!! if you parents are upset they will get over it.

Answer 7

Well, his family was kinda of like yours, and we still decided to wait to get married. We were married when our daughter was 9 months old. The church was great! (you might have to look around though, because the older churches have strict rules) and my whole family was. His family (after the baby was born) came around and just loved her to death and it didn't matter if we were married. Otherwise, not many people really cared either way. His family wouldn't do the baby shower because we weren't married (which hurt my feelings and his, but oh well) but we did fine. Plus, like I said...once that baby comes..no matter how mad, or disappointed they are....they can't be anything but happy looking at that baby! I just wanted to beable to have a less stressful wedding. just focus on the wedding, not a pregnancy too. Plus, it was nice to beable to have a glass of champange with my new husband and sit in hot tub in our room without worrying about it. *plus, I had time to drop baby weight and a few pounds lol! Good Luck though!

Answer 8

Having a baby and then getting married is much more accepted in America these days.
The best way to tell your mom that you are pregnant is by calling her. Just come straight out with it, but tell her something like..."boyfriends name and I have been talking about starting a family and we managed to get pregnant...." sound excited so she gets into the spirit. Don't act scared or unhappy, b/c that will make her react the same way. Also, 20 is not too young to be a mom.

Answer 9

If you tell your family and explain to them that you did not expect this to happen but are doing what you feel is right, you may not have their approval but at least you could stand up for yourself and your feelings. But don't break it to them until you have a real, feasible plan for your income and living situation together. If you show them that you have truly considered what is on the horizon and how you intend to cope with it, you may surprise them with your maturity and ability to think things through.

Answer 10

Figure out what you think your plan is before you talk to your mom OR ask your mom to help you figure out how you should proceed. Seeing that you know where you are going should make it easier for your parents to take it. Or, asking their help in figuring it out will show you trust them.

Whichever works. I think the marriage thing is kinda overdone anymore. Who cares? Just live your life the way it works for you.