i need answers from women only please?

Question

my wife recently asked me for a divorce. i can't say that i blame her because i have not been there for her lately. i have been uncommunicative, sometimes lazy,and feel like i just forgot about all the little things. she seems pretty adamant about going through with the divorce. we do have two girls together, age 4 and 1. she says that she still loves me and cares about what happens to me. so my question is do i try to give it my all for what i feel is my true love or do i just let go and try to move on

Answer 1

Talk to your wife. If she really does love you she will listen but you have to do some work. Give it your all!!!!

Answer 2

Don't give up on your marriage at the first sign of trouble. It seems like you know what you did wrong and what are the weak points in the relationship. A wife does not ask her husband for a divorce all of a sudden unless she hinted or asked you to change and you didn't. A divorce to a woman is always the last resort . Ask her for one more chance, tell her that you know what you did wrong and you will .. together .. try to mend this relationship and work to have a better happier marriage since you two love each other. I hope it is not something major like she found someone else... I hope she is just trying to give you a wake up call.

Answer 3

If you feel you want to try because you want to spend the rest of your life with her then maybe you and her should seek some marriage counseling maybe you have some issues you need to deal with or you may have depression nothing to be embarrassed about but taking the right meds will help and get you out of your funk and start living life with your family instead of wasting it. Don't stay in the marriage for the kids though because they will see that mom and dad are distant towards each other. The kids deserve a family environment with love and happiness. Ask yourself if your still "in-love" with your wife.Being in-love and loving some1 is 2 different things.Maybe your not loving yourself right now and that's may be part of depression. Try becoming more active with the family if it them that you want.I would definitely seek counseling before you get divorced least you can say you tried everything to make the marriage and not just giving up on it. Good Luck :)

Answer 4

I don't know; there really isn't much you can do if she insists on divorce and doesn't want to try anymore. You can "give it your all" - but it is of no use if she's unwilling to take it. You can give it a little bit of time, let things settle a bit, and then bring it up with her again in a few weeks or months. The divorce isn't gonna be final for a while, and the proceedings can always be stopped. However, it very well might be that her mind is made up, and she doesn't feel there's any potential in this relationship. In which case, you will have no choice but accept this decision.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm assuming you got married in the first place for a reason, so here's my 5-step healing process:

1. Tell her how you feel, basically what you just wrote above.

2. Rent The Break-Up with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, and point out all the stupid stuff he does in the movie and how you realize it all corresponds to what you've done.

3. Go to marriage counseling.

4. Actually put some effort into it. It's often the small things that matter the most. Telling her "I love you" and "Thank you," and calling just to say you were thinking of her and missing her when at work can have huge payoffs emotionally...

5. Be open to her ideas for improvement. I'm sure she's thought a lot about this, and might already have a list written out of her complaints. Redress them appropriately, and revive your relationship.

Answer 6

You definately need to sit down and talk all of this over with her, maybe try some marriage counseling if the two of you can agree on it. Don't let go yet. Maybe the two of you just need to try some new things to add spark back into the relationship. You also sound like you need to get out of the rut that you are in and be more responsive to her. Divorce is the hardest on the children. Keep that in mind too and make sure she realizes this. Although feeling stuck in a relationship is a bad feeling.

Answer 7

I hate to say it, but often, once a woman is done, she is DONE.
I hope that isn't the case for you. I am divorced and it is not easy in any regard. Step families are tough and relationships get very complicated after a divorce, especially with kids.
Give it all you've got. It is SO worth it. All relationships hit some rough spots. Have you tried some professional help? Do any thing you can to save your marriage if this is your true love.
If she is willing to try it could work. BUT.... it takes TWO!

Read the book The Five Love Languages. It is so helpful and a fast and easy read. It saved my best friend's marriage. Give it to your wife to read also.

Answer 8

you need to definatley step it up and be a good husband. I'm not going to say that youshould try and stay together for your little girls, because i am a firm beleiver that if a couple fights, yells, and screams in front of their kids, it will be a way better situation for them if you live apart. If you beleive that this is your true love then you should try your best to be their for her, give her lots of attention, tell her that you understand where she is coming from. When you are married (regardless of what anyone says), you always have thoughts about getting a divorce. Maybe this is her way of giving you a wake up call. Definatley stick together!!! I am a firm beleiver that the grass is NEVER greener on the other side!!! Good luck!!!

Answer 9

Hi. I know you asked for answers from just women, but I thought you might find these links useful.

I don't think its too late to save your marriage. You both seem to love each other. I read somewhere you need to attack the problem, not the person.

You need to commit yourself to identifying the problems that occured (ask your wife) and solving each one by learning everything you can on each topic by asking women and men on here, reading article on the net and reading books.

Its going to take a bit of work on your part, but its worth it. I believe it highly likely that you can solve your problems this way.

Men are really motivated when they believe that a problem is soluble, and depressed and really unmotivated when they think a problem can never be solved. To convince you that it can be solved, consider that there is loads of information and help available on the net, you can ask for your wife's assistance, if she is prepared to give it a go. Also, many couples have saved their marriages through education and counseling and now live happily (not just in a patched-up marriage for the sake of the children). This shows it may be possible.

If you can, I would try to get your wife to hold off with the divorce, tell her how much you love her, and tell her your plan for making things better.

Many marriages have problems because the man and woman misinterpret things that are said. They react not to what was said, but to their interpretation of what was said. This is because words or actions or inactions that mean one thing to a man, mean something completely different to a woman.

When a misunderstanding occurs, just ask in a neutral way "What did you mean by that, was it X or Y or something else".

Ideally, she needs to go through this education process as well, learning more from books, the net, yahoo answer and by you answering her questions in a calm way, even though she may feel that the blame is 90:10 in her favor. Forget about blame. The two of you just have to agree to pretend its 50:50 and do equal amounts of work.

The venus and mars books give some good insights. They just take ages to say it. One of them is that men need to feel competent and succesful at all times. Lots of problems occur when you feel unsuccesful or criticised, causing demotivation. This could be the cause of you acting in the 'lazy' way that you mentioned. If you thought all your efforts were making your wife happy, you would be much more motivated.

Finally. Let your wife know that men can't handle discussing relationships for more than a few minutes, as every sentence raises 10 more issues that mangle your mind, so that you can't think straight. She needs to just tell you one problem at a time and let you go away and solve it on your own.

Sorry for all this unsolicited advice, but it may do some good. Its up to you whether you want to do it.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

If you do still love her and you want it to last....then make it work. A marriage is not 50/50, it is 100/100! You have got to give that 100%. Let her know that you do still love her and that you want it to last. Don't just do it for the kids....do it for you and her. You would just make your children miserable if you stayed together just for them....what an unhappy family that would be. Go way back to when you two first met, started dating, etc. incorporate some of that same spark into your life now. Just because you have to kids doesn't mean you can't "date" anymore.

Best of luck....hang in there and do what is right for her!

Answer 11

I personally think there is still a chance for you and your wife to work things out and for the divorce not to happen.

1st. Show her you love her, don't say it, you have to show it, because the words are empty to her. Show her by helping out around the house and with the kids, show her that she's most important to you. Put her and the kids WAY before you and your needs. Make her and feelings and needs the most important to you.

Also, if she will do it, I would recomend that you both go through marriage counceling. I think that you both can work things out, but you have to WORK at it. Marriages are not easy, and you have to put alot of hard work and effort into it.

You still have a chance to make things work in your marriage, and I suggest you take full advantage of it.

But start marriage counceling, and I'd suggest seeing a pastor from a church for counceling.

Hope that this helps. Take care and God Bless