Is "forgiving but NOT forgetting" really forgiving??

Question

My wife and I have been together for over 8 years with 2 great kids. Like any man or woman in a relationship I've made mistakes. My wife says "I forgive you but I wont forget!" Is that truly forgiveness or is she just kidding herself? Its not like I have ever cheated on her or anything, just the same goof ups that happen in an eight year relationship. After all its not like she is an angel either but I have forgave AND FORGOT her mistakes. Is she really being fair if she "forgives but doesnt forget?" I'm afraid her attitude is quickly heading us into divorce. Please, I need some unbiased opinions.

Answer 1

No, it's not.

Forgiveness is ONLY forgiveness when the offense is truly forgotten (ie, never again brought to mind or battle).

Answer 2

I am so glad that you asked for an unbiased opinion because that is exactly what type of opinion I give. First of all 8 years with someone is pretty good now a days and the fact that you mentionned your kids by saying 2 GREAT kids leads me to think that there is love in that family somewhere... 8 years together with 2 kids could easily be the time where some of the passion and excitment in the couple is slowly fading... Whatever happenned or whatever either one of you cant seem to forgive or forget seem to me like bordem and lack of passion in the couple. If you truly want this relationship to work do whatever you can to make her forget or atleast make her talk about it maybe over a candle light dinner so that she can feel heard and willing to let things go. Start fresh and make a new start with new memories. Talk to one another and listen to each other. Remember the days when you guys were madly in love and ask yourselves if it can bring something positive for the family's future by the resolving past and present issues. Life is to short to dwell on everything so talk to her and fix everything before you guys call it quits. Remember there is two great kids that came out of all of this you must of done something good the both of you so look back at the good days a recreate them even better for your future. Be good to yourselves and remember forgiveness comes with love and understanding.

Answer 3

It depends on what the severity of the offense was as to wheather or not a person can forget about it. ie: If it was someone that murders someone in your family, and they asked for forgiveness could you forget?

Just try not goof up doing the same things because that pushes a button with your wife to remind you how many times that has happened. Before you do something again that is going to require forgiveness get with your wife first, and say you know I've had a problem with this in the past, let's go over it together so that doesn't happen again.

You'll see a marked change in her attitude.

Have a great holiday season!

Answer 4

Forgiving without forgetting is yes honest forgiveness. Been there done this. And you say that you have both forgiven and forgotten but on here you bring up she was and is not an angel either. So you have forgiven but not forgotten. Seriously how would a person forget? You cannot! You do not speak of what you mean by her attitude or what you have done. You say you have never cheated which is great. If these are small silly things she need to learn to deal with life; if they are major like you hitting her or treating her with complete disrespect she need to move on herself. Good luck

Answer 5

Forgiving and forgetting are 2 totally different things. To forgive is to let go of the anger. To forget would be stupid and unreasonable. Forgetting lets us fall back into bad positions and no one wants that for themselves. A person could never honestly, completely forget. We all remember somewhere in our hearts when and what has hurt us. Time is the only thing that can heal a situation like this, as long as mistakes are not repeated.

Answer 6

Forgive: to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

Forget: to omit mentioning; leave unnoticed.

If your wife is following the above definitions, stop worrying about it and start forging a happy relationship. The question is, is she lying? Has she really absolved you? AND, does she never mention your mistakes or call notice to the ones of which she has allegedly forgiven you? If she calls attention to them, it seems likely to me that she has not forgiven them, because if she calls attention to them, it must be for a reason. Ask her why she brings up the mistakes of the past which she has supposedly forgiven.

It is possible that she mentions your mistakes in the hope that she can influence you not to repeat them. If this is the case, you have not properly repented, which is a necessary step when you want the kind of resolution you seem to be wanting.

Repent: to feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one's life for the better; be penitent.

Ask her if she would be willing to forget if you repented. This is going to take some work on both your parts!

Answer 7

Well sorry to hear that. But if someone really forgives someone you should go ahead and forget too. Not unless they will throw it at you every chance they get. If both of you really love each other just don't worry something happens talk about it. Not just ask forgiveness whenever something goes wrong. No communication in a marriage is good

Answer 8

I think that's how women are. We dont forget. Cant blame us for being different. Just because your able to forget things she did does not mean she has to do the same. If her attitude is leading you towards divorce then I would say you guys really need some more communication with each other. She probably doesn't feel you really understand how she feels about whatever it is you did and that is why she cant forget. You guys just need to talk more.

Answer 9

No I mean its true you don't forget. To give you an example I was in a car accident my friend driving fell asleep almost killed me. He walked away with scratches, I have a permanent limp and back damage for the rest of my life to remind me. I forgave him for the accident, but I will never forget it. Now I am sure not to fall asleep when someone else is driving, if I even choose to ride with others anyway.

What the phrase is suppose to mean is I forgive you but I will learn from what happened. By not forgetting she will no not to let the same mistake happen again.

Answer 10

We all forgive n not forget. It might be easier to forgive a spouse,siblings,children,parents and our bestfriends but harder to forget. These are the people that are meaningful in our lives, can't imagine life without. Although I believe its more difficult to forget, in our hearts it still hurts. As much as we'd like to forget, in our minds we ask the same question. How can person that supposedly loves me so much and vice versa hurt me? Some people just can't let go, it still hurts them or they feel anger towards u that it will eventually interfere in any relationship. Heres somthing we all need to think about n keep n mind. My bf n I had a big fight, our first, we said things n did things to eachother out of anger. She cross the boundary n nearly ended our friendship. The next day she ask for forgiveness and this is what I replied, I might forget the words you said to hurt me, I might forget what you did to hurt me, one thing I will never forget is how you made me feel inside.

Answer 11

It sounds like she is lording your mistakes over you. If you are truly sorry for what you have done, she does not need to keep reminding you that she will never forget. She probably just wants reassurance it won't happen again, whatever it was. If there's nothing you can do about it, there's nothing you can do about it. Just make sure you don't repeat whatever it is, and tell her you are very sorry but you can't take back whatever it is. Tell her it makes you feel bad when she says this, and you already feel bad but need to move on so the two of you can have happier times.