Im 32 weeks pregnant. The father is an alcoholic and i wont be able to trust him or his family with the baby.?

Question

His mother takes drugs and although me and the father have split now we still get on but Im worried that he will want to take the baby to visit her, or take the baby to his house. Im happy for them to see the baby as long as I am there, but I have already had his mother coming to my house shouting and swearing at me when I was 25 weeks pregnant. I still get along with the father and don't know how to tell him that I can't trust him with the baby because he is an alcoholic. I don't want my baby to be surrounded by these sort of people but he is still the dad.

Answer 1

HELLO! Leave him and if he has something to say tell him to take it to the courts and then just prove hes unstable!!!! If you want the dad to see the baby...Supervised visits! Dont be a sucker and just give in cause blah blah blah you want your baby to have a daddy...think about your baby and whats best for it. I think you around when they see it is the best option...

Answer 2

My father-in-law is the same, he is a drunk and a racist. I hate to be a bitchy wife but my husband knows he is not allowed to take the baby there without me. You need to be strong for your baby's sake.

If I were you I would get a lawyer and deal with the custody and child support issues. Get the lawyer now to find out what kind of evidence you can gather in these last 8 weeks that show his and his families addiction so that the courts will only allow supervised visitation. (Either supervised by you, or a social worker or both depending -- the social worker would turn him away if he were drunk, but as your child becomes old enough to understand they are missing visits this could be tough). In the beginning if you are breastfeeding especially, I assume you would be present for all visits anyway.

Now if he undergoes treatment that is a whole different thing, and maybe this will be the kick in the butt he needs. Probably not but it doesn't hurt to encourage him in that direction. At least do not put him down if you can help it. Try to seem like you are just waiting for him to be the dad you know he can be as soon as he seeks treatment. Act like you believe he will do it and succeed -- If you can. Because he is your child's dad and your child will be better off with a real dad not an alcoholic and you may be the only positive influence in his life. If you act like he will never change and you would never let him visit his child if he did, where is his incentive.

I hope I am making sense. My uncle died a few years ago of untreated addiction (started with alcohol, ended with painkillers and cocaine). I wish he had sought treatment. It was very hard on his kids.

Answer 3

I am glad that you have split for him...that is for yourself, bc you deserve better than that!!! As far as him being the father...yes he may be but there is more to being a father than just fertilizing the egg. Fathers must love and protect thier babies...that includes not putting them around danger or dangerous people. Unfortunately he does has rights as a father...and must be allowed to see his child. However, that does mean that there should be nothing illegal during that visit. If you have too...you can take him to court for sole custody, and then you can ask the judge to designate visitation on the basis that the child does not leave your house, and must be accopmanied by you or one of your family members. This is a big decision and one that could have consequences, so please talk to him first. If he really loves your child, then he will understand. There is alot of violence in the world, and he could get angry if you go straight to court...however, dont let this scare you eiether. You have the job of protecting your child...that is number 1 job. If it were me...I would not chance it...I would go to a lawyer and tell then you want sole custody with him having visitation rights. But then...I will not let anyone mess with my child, and he is not even born yet!!! Also...make sure if you take the child to a day care that you tell the people there that he is not allowed to pick up the child...under any circumstances!!! Only you or someone else on your list is allowed to take him!!!

As for the mother...dont let her into your house. Dont ever let her in!!! She has no rights to your child, and if she is yelling at you at 25 weeks...who says she will not hurt the child just to spite you. If she has a problem with this and turns violent, get a restraining order that she cannot get within a certain amount of space to you or your house!!!

This is a very serious matter, and should not be taken lightly...your main job is too protect that child, and if that means taking him away from the father...then that is what it means!!!

Good luck!!!

Answer 4

You are the MOTHER of the baby - you carry the baby for 9 months, nourish it, and then give birth to it. You are the responsible one for the safety and care of a child - not the grandma or any other person in this world. Considering the shouting that has already taken place even before the arrival of the baby, I would refrain from going around to these unstable people's house. You are in the driving seat, and therefore YOU decide with whom you want your child to be associated with. If you don't trust them, don't ever leave your child with them. Who cares what they say. The father has a right to see the baby (like you said, you have no issues with that), but only in your and baby's comfort zone. If that means in your house, then so be it. And don't be subjected to pressure. What you say goes. You are in the driving seat, don't ever forget that.

Answer 5

I would insist on being there when your baby goes to visit daddy and that side of the family.

They can still see him but at least you won't be so worried if you are there with him. I would not leave the baby with them. There was a sad case in the UK of an alcoholic child minder who fell asleep and left the baby to drown in the bath. People who have addictions can't be trusted with something as precious as a baby.

I don't blame you for being nervous, I'm 36 weeks and would never want to leave my baby with druggies or drunks. I'm nervous of my baby spending time with my fiance's mum and stepdad because they both smoke although I'm sure they wouldn't be stupid enough to smoke around their grandson.

Just tell the father the truth - that you are nervous about the baby being left with his mother as you know she has a drug habit. He can shout and rage all he wants but its the baby's saftey that comes first and even if he went to court for access rights no judge would allow drunks and drug addicts to look after a baby. They'd agree with you that you need to be present as well to ensure your baby's safety.

Answer 6

Well, unfortunately you have a very hard decision to make. You are completely right for not trusting him but you need to be up front with him. If he is ever going to be any kind of decent father to his child, he needs to stop drinking. It is your responsibilty to protect your child and that may require some court interfereance. Perhaps court supervised visits.I know that he is still the father..but any man with a d**k can make a baby...it takes a real man to a daddy. This is already going to affect your child in a very negative way, but if he can't be more responsible and stop the drinking...then the affect it will have will be even worse.
As far as the grandparents go...it's the same thing. If they want to be a part of your baby's life, they need to be responsible adults. They may be angry with you and even callyou names...but protecting your child is what makes you a great parent.
Stay strong in what you believe is best for your child and don't comprimise his or her health, safety and happiness out of guilt.
It is already very clear that you will be the one raising this child...Go with your instincts!
Good luck!

Answer 7

I believe you need to get a court order in this situation that there will only be visitations allowed that are supervised by you. Even though he is the father, it does not sound like he is capable of being a good father or a positive role model for this child. I would make him go to rehab and AA before I'd let him see the child. You have to be responsible and think of the child's best interests and safety--an untreated addict of any kind should not be around children.

Answer 8

I am in a similar situation myself. The advice I got from a lawyer was as someone else suggested. The lawyer said to leave him off of the birth certificate, which would negate his "rights", at least for the time being. You would have to be willing to not seek child support though. If he decides to get a paternity test done, all costs would fall on him and child support would begin if the test is positive. Then the custody issues could be addressed in court. With all of the issues he has, you would more than likely get full custody.

By the way, most states do not have grandparent's rights, and even if your state does, your child's grandmother probably would not qualify in her condition. Seek out your local Legal Aid for details in your state and good luck.

Answer 9

he shouldn't be surprised...with that kind of behavior and attitude he's never gonna make a good dad. I think you should let him know now that you don't plan on leaving him alone with the baby. That way, if he gives you any trouble you just can go to court and ask for full custody of your child, proving why your baby can be with him or his mother. I know he's still the father, but I'd rather have full custody that leaving my baby alone with a man with no responsibility at all.

Answer 10

At the time of the birth, you will have the choice of whether or not you want to put his name on the birth certificate. If you don't, he has no rights as the father. If you do, he does. That's the safe way to go. It sounds like he has not really decided to act like a good father yet. If he grows up someday and you decide that he is ready to be a part of the baby's life, let him in then. Remember the certficate is a legally binding document. Call the cops on his mom the next time she shows up (you have no obligation to her). Be brave, and do the right thing for your baby and her safety.

Answer 11

If i were you i would go and get some legal advice about this , it is your job to protect your baby . The situation does sound unhealthy , an alcoholic father and a druggy grandma , wash your hands of the lot of them and bring your baby up alone you don`t need this c r a p . I wish you all the best and congratulations .