How do you get over your husband/wife being unfaithful?

Question

Have you? We are trying counciling, and I know it will take some time. Please tell me your experiences, I really need help with this, I am willing to try to work it out but I feel like an idiot for doing it.

i feel like an idiot for giving him a second chance, I always said i would leave if it happened, but i love him and know hes sorry and believe it will never happen again

Answer 1

The best way is to think about what you really want. Ask yourself questions, and maybe you will find peace. You're going to have to find it in your own mind.

Will life be better without this person in it? Do you think it really probable that you would find someone else who would always be 100% faithful? Do you think this was an occasional thing or is this person a constant philanderer? Is being 100% faithful actually possible? Are you, or have you been, completely 100% faithful? (You never had thoughts about someone you worked with, or got too friendly with that person? It went almost there but stopped for some reason. Or there's something about you your spouse doesn't know?) Are kids involved in your relationship? Can you understand or think of any reason that led to this infidelity? Could your actions in any way have been responsible? Do you REALLY think there can be improvements made to keep this from happening again? Is this person basically a wonderful person besides this infidelity? How long into your relationship did this infidelity occur?

I'm not trying to be mean, or blame one person or the other. I'm just saying be honest with yourself, and think about some things. My thoughts might not be popular, but I believe in being realistic. We can't expect someone to be perfect and we all make mistakes. I think a lifetime of fidelity, especially for MOST men, is very rare! And somewhere down the road you might end up with someone who has much worse traits than being unfaithful! I wish you the best of lives, and hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 2

The only way to get over it is to leave him and move on. Time will heal a broken heart. I had a boyfriend cheat on me the day after I had our son. I found out when my son was 5 days old. I called him and told him to get his stuff and get out. I feel it would never be the same. You will always remember what happened even if you forgive. If you give him another chance and something a little wierd happens later your going to think of him cheating again. My issue happened 6 1/2 years ago. I am now married to a wonderful man who is raising my son as his. ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!!!

Answer 3

I would suggest both you & hubby go to a Christian church in your neighborhood..If your hubby doesn't want to go, then try going yourself. Talk to a pastor and ask for prayer, it is free and you'll see definite results. (Maybe not instantly, but within some months yes.) God restored my marriage and is better than before...He can do it for you but you need to have Faith in Him.

God says:
Jer 29:11-13

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.
Seek Him.

You can also try reading "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. Your hubby can start reading "Power of a Praying Husband" It is an eye opener in life, marriage, prayer & God.
Two years ago my marriage looked quite gloomy. I started praying about it bc I knew Prayer is Powerful. My husband prayed too. Some months went by and I started looking at my marriage in a different perspective. There was forgiveness which is very important. I was more loving and not so negative. I had joy and bitterness had left.

You know that divorce is not from God.
Satan wants to destroy you & hubby. DON"T LET HIM! Think positive.

I pray you & your hubby choose Jesus! The truth will set you free. Not the lies that satan is whispering to him & you.

God Bless!

Answer 4

If you are trying counselling, then that means he is at least TRYING to work on the problem. That in itself is a good sign, because it shows he's sorry. A lot of unfaithful spouses wouldn't bother doing that. I know it's hard to get over it right now, but maybe that counselling will help a lot. It already sounds like you guys are on the right track.

. . .And if that doesn't work, there's always voodoo dolls.

Answer 5

You will never get over it.Only time can make you feel better,but you will never care for that person as much as you once did.If you decide to stay with that person you have to make sure it is only a one time thing.Make sure they don't have a history of doing this.If you feel like they might do it to you again then you should move on with your life and get away from them even though that may seem really hard to do.

Answer 6

it's something one never gets over, it's basically the end of the innocence of your marriage. when i was cheated on i decided i could never move past it. and it was just best to divorce mostly because i had lost hope in the future, and the marriage. i did not want to go through it again, or invest anymore into someone i would never be able to trust again. so 3 years later, i don't regret divorcing him, infact i feel i made the right choice. we will always remember the deceit, and lies. i just lost the will to go on with it, and i knew he would most certinly do it again, because marriage is never without problems, and disagreements, and i knew he would cheat again if things didn't go his way.

Answer 7

right here is going i'm remarried after a divorce. in the previous the 1st marriage there grew to become right into a protracted term stay jointly relationship. there is sexual infidelity. that's what many think of of as "cheating." That handed off to me in the pre marriage relationship. finding back i assume that grew to become into her thank you to tell me the we've been with the aid of whilst she wasn't waiting to assert so head to head. I have been on condition that message. the 1st marriage had no sexual infidelity (that i understand of). My ex grew to become into cheating approximately spending money and debt she incurred. this is a sort of cheating too. what's worry-unfastened to the two a sort of is injury down in verbal replace and have faith. have faith is slow to construct and could be shattered at as quickly as and ought to be the on the muse of cheating. Knowingly breaking the have faith a companion has invested in you is cheating. i might throw a wager out that a worry-unfastened area of cheating is failing to have one's desires met. no longer a justification in simple terms an acknowledgment of the human project. i'm a believer in counseling. jointly distinctly in case you the two be sure to proceed as a pair. in my view that should assist you handle what you prefer, what went incorrect and the thank you to do extra helpful sooner or later. a solid extra healthful for you counselor / therapist will possibly no longer take place on your first attempt or 2 or 3 so if after a pair of classes issues are not clicking, attempt yet another practitioner. this is significant to have a solid fit in a counselor. i'm sorry on your suffering and need you ought to use this as an threat for discovering and improve.

Answer 8

I suspect my wife could be having an affair and that by it self is enough to make me feel betrayed.
Changing clothes before going to college to clothing that you would were to an interview
Showering a using body location before leaving for class.
Phone numbers on her phone bill that are not related to her friends.
Long term married friends suddenly not communicating with here anymore.
Calling me from blocked numbers, etc
You don’t want to spend your time checking up on your spouse.
That’s not normal.
Find out, and if it’s true, get out, you deserve better.

Answer 9

If you feel like a idiot for going to counciling to try and save your marrigae then you are WASTING YOUR TIME AND THE COUNSELORS. Cut your loses and get on with your LIFE.

Answer 10

If you love him enough & you can't see yourself being without him, then stay and give it time.

Make him earn your trust again-he has to make you believe that you are the only woman in his life.

But if you feel its not going anywhere, then think twice about what you want.

Listen to your heart!