I have been with my g/f for about 4 years now.She left her husband to get with me,and we were happy for awhile,but now she's depressed all the time because her kids don't want her to be gay.They left to be with their dad for awhile,but now we have them,and they stay on her all the time because she is gay.She has attmitted she'd pushed me away because of how they feel.I love her very much-but i get my feelings hurt all the time and i don't know what to do here.She says she loves me-but don't show it-what would you do?
2006-11-15 04:18:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
Sometimes i feel like i need to just walk away-but i can't bring myself to do that!
2006-11-15 05:13:42 · update #1
I am dating a woman who has kids also from a marriage. If she really loves you and is comfortable with who she is, she will explain and defend her life choices to her children no matter how difficult. I understand that could be very difficult for her, but she must make an important decision. If she isn't strong enough to live this life, she might consider living a different one.
As for yourself, you should decide how much you are willing to deal with this. If it continues this way, I am sure you will reach your limit soon. Your hurt will grow and grow and grow until one day you will say you cannot take it anymore! Take it from me, I have been there!!
Have some serious discussions and trust your heart!
2006-11-15 04:23:26 · answer #1 · answered by U2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most women would give up the world for their kids and this, unfortunately, includes relationships whether they are in love or not. The best thing you can do is be supportive and be open. You need to sit her down and tell her that you love her. Tell her how much you want things to work with her but that if things keep going the way they are it will not work between the two of you and that you really don't want that to happen. Be understanding about it though and let her know that you do understand why it is such a hard situation for her. Ask her what you can do to help her in her situation but also let her know that you both need to work something out because your heart is being broken with the way things are going. Hopefully by keeping the dialogue open and trying to keep the emotions in check and not getting too upset, you will both be able to come up with a plan to make it work for the both of you. If after all of that things are still not working, you are best to let her go as hard as that is. You are obviously hurting every day and a person can't continue going through such hurt day in and day out. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-11-15 04:28:30 · answer #2 · answered by edawns 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain 2 your g/f that the only reason in the world that they r acting that way is because some homophobes or a group of such like minded intolerant, black/white thinkers rammed it through their developing minds. In my mind teaching hate and intolerance of others is emotional abusive, They have 2 heal now. By pushing u away. she is merely reinforcing the stereotype somebody planted in their precious young minds. On the other hand actions speak so much louder then words. If you two do not act ashamed, but openly laugh show your friends that care about each other and about them. With out saying a word you will be chipping away at the mean programming somebody set..MARY
2006-11-15 04:39:10 · answer #3 · answered by mary57whalen 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Counseling might be a good thing for the kids and her, and make sure that the Dad is not making rude or crude comments in front of them. It is very important that their Dad supports his ex in her life choices to show the kids that he accepts her choices and so should they. Sounds to me like you need to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation as well. This is going to be a very trying time for you and you need to figure out if you are strong enough and love her enough to tuff it out. I'll pray for all of you.
2006-11-15 04:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by Scooter Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, do the kids want to be with you guys? Because it's important that they are in a place they want to be. Second, you just need to give her space. Let her think through things, and then have a talk. That's all I can really tell you because, I'm not her and we all heal and think differently.
2006-11-15 04:22:24 · answer #5 · answered by PeachyFixation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. thats really hard. You're girlfriend needs to sit down with her children first of all. I'm not sure how old they are, but i'll asume they are teenagers.
She needs to explain to them about her lifestyle choice. My best friend freaked out when she found out her mother was a lesbian. But later down the road, after some explination, she accepted that. And the same needs to happen here. It could be because the kids are getting made fun of. (same thing happened to me when i found out my father was gay!) That they are overly Christian, or that they are afriad of something.
You also need to sit down with your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. PLEASE DO NOT make her choose between you and her family. You WILL lose. But, if you have to, and if you really love her, distance yourself from her and her children for a little while (don't break up!! please dont breakup!!!) and let her iron out these issues.
I wish you both the best of luck!
2006-11-15 04:23:30 · answer #6 · answered by Pandora 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get her with other mothers in her sitiuation. Leaving your family for ANYONE is hard. If you were a man they'd hate you for not being daddy. They just don't understand and she doesn't understand enough to help them understand.
YEAH. Find her someone who can give her advise. She's having mother guilt, lesbian guilt. and god knows what other kind of guilt.
Don't take it personally either and you may need to walk away if she's not willing to deal with the realities of her life.
2006-11-15 04:21:40 · answer #7 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kids will be kids....u should try to win their heart, they react to ur gay relation 'coz they have grown up in a society which is not all embracing about such relation maybe they have been fed on the pr-empt concept that gay relations are not good, besides to stay wid u their mum had to break up wid their father.... their next most important relation (besides mum), i wud suggest u don't take their words so personally rather try to bulid a good rapport wid them, tyr to be friendly towards them keeping in mind their likes n dislikes , be patient( they are going thru the trauma of their parents getting separated) n then only u can win their heart, i had seen one patient (16yr old gal) in an psychiatry child n adolescent unit in leicester who had similar problem like these kids she was traumatised between her parents n her mums recent girlfriend...n ultimately opted out of both homes to stay in a foster home....
2006-11-15 04:30:56 · answer #8 · answered by simplynuts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids complicate things. You need to do some serious talking and get it worked out. My friend was in teh same situation and they kids broke them up eventually :(
2006-11-15 04:20:05 · answer #9 · answered by huggz 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What would I do?
I would... not date a woman, especially one who may have a lot of baggage.
She needs time to heal, just her and her kids.
GG
2006-11-15 04:31:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋