2006-11-15 03:28:53 · 25 answers · asked by joanne v 72 2 in Business & Finance ➔ Careers & Employment
explosive diarrhea
2006-11-15 03:30:34 · answer #1 · answered by David B 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being poorly
The most tried-and-tested excuse is always some kind of disease. Make it something messy or contagious, and they'll be relieved to see your empty desk. If you're tired and have a slight cold or a touch of hayfever, splash a little warm water on your forehead and pinch your cheeks for that fevered look, and go home with a dose of 'flu'.
If you're ill in bed with a hangover, call in sick and say you went out for seafood the night before, and (oh no!) got food poisoning. When you go back to work, rub a little bit of talcum powder under your eye bags for a pasty, sickly appearance that'll back your story up nicely. Keep this one for treats. Your boss will notice very quickly that you are always getting salmonella on Mondays and Fridays.
Back injuries are hard to prove, but they are equally hard to disprove. Your new bad back could slip out of place at any time, and is also a great excuse for being lazy around the office. Don't get caught dancing in a local club the same evening.
Develop really horrific 'migraines', the sort that make you vomit every time you try to get out of bed and ready for work.
Medical excuses work well because most people won't dare doubt that your pain is real. They can rely on sympathy, humour, fear or bewilderment, but if that doesn't work, confuse them with technical and obscure terminology. Try...
"I need to check on something that's bleeding."
"I might have brucellosis. The tests will be back next week."
"Chemical imbalance."
"I've got a touch of diarr--oh, call you back."
Or you can always blame a nonsensical syndrome. The best thing about the excuses below is that they've all been identified by a reputable medical journal as a real illness.
"Beer Drinker's Finger: Swelling, bluish discoloration and wasting of finger caused by placing beer-can rings on finger." (JAMA, 1968)
"Christmas depression: Psychological stress during the holidays, related to the use of alcohol and to social pressures." (JAMA, 1982)
"Flip-flop Dermatitis: Skin disease of the feet from wearing rubber flip-flops." (British Medical Cooperative Journal, 1965)
"Motorway Blues: The sort of headaches noted by drivers on congested motorways (British Medical Cooperative Journal, 1963)
"Television legs: Loss of normal flexibility of the legs from being slumped in front of the box for too long." (JAMA, 1958)
Emergency medical visits
You can also get mornings off here and there if you invent some long-running dental problem with a filling that keeps falling out. You can't get away with this one if you've got perfect teeth, of course.
Emergency visits to the GP are a good mini-sickie excuse too, especially if you have been 'suffering' all weekend, and 'it was the only appointment I could get'. Lap up the sympathy.
Transport trauma
This is easy, as long as nobody in your office comes into work the same way as you do. Plan ahead; moan loudly all week about the traffic or public transport before you turn up late. Blame your car, the bus company, the train, or a traffic accident.
Domestic duties
Try 'waiting in' for any number of things - the cable guy, gas engineer, or washing machine geezer. Be creative; invent a personal domestic crisis like burst pipes, the roof falling in, or a mercy dash to casualty with a poorly partner.
Mourning lie-ins
You will be able to swing a long weekend if you pretend there has been a death in the family. It's best to invent a favourite aunt, if you can act convincingly distraught then even better. Otherwise, be unusually quiet and shy, avoiding eye contact with people at work, until someone asks you what's wrong. This leaves you free to attend a 'funeral', in which case you should get out of town for a long weekend break. NB: never try this one if you work in a family business.
Enjoy the day off!;)
2006-11-15 11:33:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Stomach problems - if you quote something along the lines of '...pooring out of both ends' I doubt they'd ask much more.
If you have kids, then their projectile vomiting can cover a multitude of sins... literally.
Boiler problems, car broken into and having to wait for police, garage etc, keys stolen, locks broken - locked in house, family member taken ill??!, leaking water pipes etc etc
2006-11-15 11:42:09 · answer #3 · answered by Pington 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Got thrush and I am constantly itching I would feel em brassed If I came into work and someone saw me scratching. I was a manager and someone phoned me with this one.
My advice get some canestan!¬
2006-11-15 11:42:34 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not actually taking a day off...
but I once apologised for turning up late by saying 'I forgot I had a job'.
;)
2006-11-15 11:38:23 · answer #5 · answered by Blathers 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I once called in sick and told my boss it was because i was having a hot steamy day of passion, and that she would have to like it or lump it!!
Needless to say she sacked me!!
2006-11-15 11:38:17 · answer #6 · answered by Clare 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Got a family/friends wedding or Funeral to go to.
2006-11-15 11:38:01 · answer #7 · answered by Iron Man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My assistant called on Monday to say she couldn't come in because her cat was sick... She got a warning yesterday though!
2006-11-15 11:33:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
- I have to pick up my speedboat that I just bought -
* After that your boss is going to be asking abouth your speed boat instead of your work abcense
2006-11-15 11:43:33 · answer #9 · answered by Chiruley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive bin sacked again mum.
2006-11-15 11:36:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Death of a parent. Doesn't work if you work for your dad. Trust me.
2006-11-15 11:39:14 · answer #11 · answered by Bruce P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋