A little over a year ago me and my husband had a rough time with some things and almost got divorced. We were seperated for a little over a month and then he came back saying that he wanted to work things out. He's in the military and it's hard to go day by day without some sort of rumor getting started. I admit that I done some things that I shouldn't have like for instance I spent a lot of money but I guess I was using the money as a crutch since I was so far away from my family. But I never did cheat on him. When he got back from Afghanistan that's when rumors started flying saying that I was messing around and I know exactly who started it. All that matters is that he came back and was willing to work things out. Now over a year later, he says that he can't get all of those things out of his head. I don't know what to do, I love him and I'm just wanting to save our marriage. Can someone give me some insite on what to do?
2006-11-15 03:18:33 · 14 answers · asked by brooke_herrin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The thing is that this girl that was supposed to be my best friend had a problem takeing care of her little girl because there was hardly a day that went by that she wasn't drinking and how can you take care of a baby when your drunk? I said something to her because I was the one taking care of this kid. Then come to find out she was sleeping with just about anyone that walked and I was getting ready to tell her husband so she turned it all oround on me and said that it was me that was cheating. It's so easy for people to up and say to get a divorce because they have never been in this kind of situation. So, don't start with the divorce crap.
2006-11-15 03:32:04 · update #1
I've tried to get him to go to counseling, but he won't go because he says it BS and it won't help. I think he still has a lot of growing up to do. We made a pact a long time ago to leave things in the past and never bring them up again. How do I prove to him that I do love him and that I'm sorry about the money and reassure him that I never cheated on him. I think he's still hanging on to things that happened in Afghanistan and he needs somewhere to lay the blame.
2006-11-15 03:37:54 · update #2
Get counseling. Sheesh! If you didn't cheat then the two of you are separating because of rumors. You each need to come to grips with the trust, or lack thereof, in your relationship.
2006-11-15 03:28:39 · answer #1 · answered by silver2sea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brooke-
I'm very sorry that you are going thru this. It must be very hard on you. I'm not going to tell you what you need to do because that is something that you need to figure out on your own. Just some observations in your question~
First off.....war does crazy things to your mind and spirit. I know from experience because in was in the first Gulf War. He's going to need some counseling and I know you say he won't go, but maybe if you say something along the lines of you need him to go....most men will things if we say we NEED it. It is taught that men need to feel like they are the caregivers and that wives and children NEED to rely on them. Make an argreement with him to just try it....say 3 times and if after the 3 times if he feels that it is just BS then he doesn't need to go anymore. But tell him you need him to.
Second....the whole spending money thing.....I'm sure he could get over that if you just communicated to him why you did it. He came back to the relationship so he's showing you that he is willing to work on the problems you and he have.
Third.....why doesn't he believe you when you tell him you didn't cheat on him? Did you tell him about the drunk woman? If you haven't, then why not? Is there something else incriminating that you don't want him to know?
Fourth.....Like I said before, war is a terrible thing and even though you didn't actually go to fight, it creates war at home as well.
Good luck with you and please remember ..... communication is the best answer to everything.
2006-11-15 08:28:11 · answer #2 · answered by babe_in_the_country 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might cost a little bit, but offer to take a lie detector test and then be prepared to follow through. Nowadays that's about the only real proof a person can provide. I'd also go hunt that other woman down and confront her. Have a mini-cassette recorder hidden in your purse or pocket and see if you can get her to confess her lies on tape. Then God bless you if you have the strength to not lay her out right then and there. I was a military wife and then later active duty myself and I've been through the same crap. Not all, but some military wives use ruining other people's lives for their own personal enjoyment. I'm so angry FOR you!!!!!
2006-11-15 03:42:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why hold on to something that wants to be free? If he married you he should trust you. And like the money being a crutch to you maybe the rumors are for him. And an easy way out.
2006-11-15 03:26:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best answered question is "
WHO started these rumors, and WHY?" Maybe if you could answer those two questions your husband would be a little more comfortable. Hard to see why someone would just say something like that.....I know there's more to this question than you are telling us.
2006-11-15 03:24:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You realize the consoling your husband wants is not from a marriage counselor but from another woman. He does not want to formally leave the marriage, but has found someone who 'understands and appreciates him'. Get your affairs in order since the next step could easily be divorce. He's is a 'difficult place' because another woman came along who caught his eye and he took the bait.
2016-03-28 21:23:15 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my grandparents (i know forever ago but still true) had the same problem when my gramps got home from Korea... they ended up getting a divorce...then voila they got married again...if you love him talk to him and show him that you love him and if he loves you all will be well. worked for grandma and grandpa... they were married not even counting the 1st time 35 yrs.....3 kids and a bunch of grand kids and greatgrandkids and we all know the story...good luck
2006-11-15 03:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by bunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants to leave. No proof and he's holding it against you...he want out NOW and probably has someone in line to take your place.
You cannot force a man to stay. Get a lawyer, get you life on track and get a new mature relationship that runs on respect and trust not rumours.
2006-11-15 03:22:50 · answer #8 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at least he is only asking for a seperation, to me that means he is still in love with u and not ready to call it quits. give him his space and perhaps it will all work out. if u dont agree to the seperation i would fear that would only push him away more and next time he asks for something it wont be a seperation.
2006-11-15 04:07:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just assure him that you love him and that you're there for him, I'm sure that he had alot of bad things to go down over there, just give him time, good luck and all of the best
2006-11-15 03:22:08 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋