my son is 11 and got on probation last month he has been acting up for a while now and his dad thinks he should loose out on getting any toys for christmas and just get clothes he also lost out on going on halloween. What would you do if your child got on probation, what would the punishment be.
2006-11-15 03:18:00 · 13 answers · asked by Sharon S 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I think his father has the right idea. Strict discipline and what may seem like harsh punishments now may save your son from a world of trouble as he grows older. Sometimes we have to do things for our children that seem to be a bit harsh, but we do them for their own good.
Do not coddle your son. How much can an 11 year old suffer with probation unless the parents enforce it at home, too? He needs to learn now that what he did was wrong, so that he will hesitate from doing it again... or doing something worse.
His father is right. The child needs to learn that what we do has consequenses. You need to back up this punishment 100% or your son will learn that while Daddy says he did something wrong and deserves punishment, Mommy thinks differently. Present a united front to the child and help him learn from his mistake.
2006-11-15 03:27:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about losing out on Christmas, that's a big holiday and shouldn't be held against them. Now you can get him the presents and not give it to him until he starts behaving properly. You can also have him open up those presents so that he knows all the good stuff that he's gotten and then take it away and then tell him that until he behaves the way that a good 11 yr old should, he's not going to be able to play with any of those presents.
What did he do to get probation? I would punish him by taking away everything that he enjoys. If he's got a tv, take that out of his room. If he's go video games, take those away and the same goes for a phone and computer if in his room. You can tell him to stay in his room and the only time he can come out is to go to the bathroom, shower, and to eat. If he tries to lock the door on you then take the door off, he lost his privileges when he got probation. You can also give him an earlier bed time if he has one, if it usually was at 10 then make it at 8, that'll get to him too.
By the way I'm doing the stay in your room punishment with my oldest now and her attitudes has changed a lot. I also found a website where they sell this cd rom program to help out kids. It has charts, where you can add up their good deeds and subtract their bad ones. Then they have opportunities to get extra credit. You can make a "bank" for them and they can withdraw with you. There a great testimonials with this program. I've ordered it and if you're interested, let me know. Good luck to you!
2006-11-15 03:26:59 · answer #2 · answered by acehernandez2006 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I worked with inner-city kids for 8 yrs, some that were actual gangmember to be exact from the ages 12-18. Some that really are hard and some that were born into it. Probation isn't actually a bad thing so what it's stipulations, curfuew even. Think of it as an extra hand. Something to hold over him if he doesn't listen. It's how you use it if you do. I don't think that not getting him toys is the thing to do. Is he listening now? Is he doing chores? Does he have things to occupy his time. Is anyone at home paying attention to him or is he left to sit infront of the computer or Play Station by himself?
Toys? Okay maybe toys that the family can play together? Will Daddy play with him? Yes, I worked with kids and my daughter started her BS so i put a Protective Chinns on her which is similar...Curfew and something to throw in her face if she didn't listen. It worked like you have no idea. But im going to pick my battles and it all started at 12! that crisis identiy problem. Is he into sports in the commuity after school programs? He needs to be involved with something. As far as Halloween is concerned good he didn't need to be out anyways...Halloween is over rated anyway that is for the little ones. Moms and Dads need to work together and have a plan without ones families fall apart. I have to do this all by myself..I hope i helped a little bit and let me know if i can do anything. Believe me he will get over this if you give him a little space and don't hover over him and love hm for who he is. Im in the inner-city and all boys want to do is be loved unconditionally for all their flaws..but there has to be limits set and bouderies children love them and they feel safe.
They might not tell us but some actions will show.
jae
2006-11-15 03:47:51 · answer #3 · answered by Mz. JAE 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
By all accounts and even my own admission, I was a bad kid.
I can tell you the punishments that counted most were the ones from my parents. In my day, and because I went to Catholic school, they paddled your butt. I didn't care!
But when Dad felt I had not 'learned my lesson' sufficiently, I got it again and it was not something to look forward to. Also, the guilt of disappointing my folks is what really kept me in line anyway. I could always take a spanking and it really didn't affect me one way or the other. Being left out of family events and Christmas presents made me get in line real fast.
Punish him like his life depends on it lady.
If you don't disipline him, society will.... and he'll be serving time or worse.
2006-11-15 10:35:54 · answer #4 · answered by DJ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probation is very hard to live up to all the conditions that apply. You might want to keep tight control on where he goes and what time he comes in. You did not say how long his probation is for, but it would be sad to have it revoked, at his young age. If he has to pay probation fees, I think punishment should be that he has to earn the money to pay them (chores, etc.) Good luck to you and your family.
2006-11-15 03:28:59 · answer #5 · answered by NAN G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you talking probation by the law or your own form of probation?
If you are talking about probation administered by the justice system, I think it's a little more serious than whether or not he should get Christmas presents.....Perhaps you all should get to some family counseling.
2006-11-15 03:21:17 · answer #6 · answered by favrd1 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
a kid that is on probation at 11 needs to learn the hard way.. sometimes punishing a child is more punishment for the parent, because its so hard to do... but you have to stick to the punishment, or your child will walk all over you... if you don't cure him of his rebellion now, he'll be worse as an adult!!! good luck however you decide to handle it!
2006-11-15 03:25:32 · answer #7 · answered by lily 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
your son is 11 and he has probation??????? I think i agree with your husband but I think he should have 3 present but that is it for christmas!
2006-11-15 03:21:00 · answer #8 · answered by Dancer315 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
probation with who ,the law or w/ you as parents
2006-11-15 03:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by christine v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he would not be able to go anywhere and would only get cloths for christmas. school and home would be his punishment study,eat and sleep
2006-11-15 03:22:25 · answer #10 · answered by pg#3 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋