Everyone I talk with about this has an agenda so I am asking complete strangers for neutral thoughts on this issue. Wow!
Should I file for divorce or are the benefits worth it?
If I file, I lose all health insurance, life insurance and pension rights if something happens to him. He is now paying the mortgage (almost $2000) and all of the tuition for the two kids ($1800) without an argument. He left me and is involved with another woman so it feels that by not filing I am saying that it is OK. My son has cerebral palsy. One marriage is enough so I am not looking to marry again. Any thoughts?
2006-11-15 02:37:32 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would hire a great lawyer and divorce him now, while he is doing well in his career. You have nothing to gain by waiting. Eventually, when the time is right, he'll serve you with papers and you'll loose the life insurance and pension anyway. At least at this point, a good lawyer should be able to keep you whole, in the life style in which you are accustom. Left alone, there are too many 'what ifs'. What if he moves out of state and files for divorce...then he has jurisdiction. What if he changes jobs and his income takes a dip...then he pays less. Better for you to control this. Nothing great will come from waiting or trying to be super nice about it all. Eventually, he could burn you.
2006-11-15 02:51:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look since you are not looking to remarry, why give up your lifestyle that you are currently enjoying. Stay the course let him continue his life style and you move on. If you file for divorce you will lose what you deserve insurance, health insurance and pension rights. Please for yourself and your future you cannot live withouth medical and life insurance. The benefits are not even in your favor. You do not even have a clue on how hard your life will be without all these benefits plus a nice home that he is paying the mortgage. Stay the course and move on and do not file for a divorce. Just does not even make sense. Does not even comes close to adding up.
2006-11-15 10:45:48 · answer #2 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to ask yourself if you can live with the way things are. People do it everyday. But are going to be happy living in the shadows of another women. Your husband can't have both. Granite he thinks he is now but in the long run he is going to get burnt. I would divorce him and let him know you have no plans of being a door mate. Depending on your home state he will have to continue to pay the mortgage, tuition and then some to the divorce in final.
2006-11-15 10:46:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you divorce him you could have a better case on your hands than him. He is comitting adultery....it's technically illigal. If you get main custody over the childeren the children should still be covered under his insurance. That is if they are under like 20....the tuition part got me lost on the ages. You won't unless you are covered under your own.
As for the pension rights, I have not a clue about that.
My thoughts are with you through this choice. Good luck to your son with his battle through ceribral palsy. My cousin has it and I know how difficult it can be to watch a person go through it. But the progress is amazing to watch.
If the household is filled with stress you need to lose the stress or it could cause you to get a stress induced disability. My mom got Rhumetiod artheritis (sp) from everything she went through with her divorce years ago. You shouldn't have that much stress.
2006-11-15 10:50:21 · answer #4 · answered by Jenny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will still have to pay child support and that includes part of the tuition. The amount depends on his income and his expenses. I feel that since he is out of the house and with another person, you should divorce. If you cant afford the house, you can agree to sell it. Your kids can still be covered under his health plan.
2006-11-15 11:07:51 · answer #5 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok 1st off your child with the CP should come first. all the bull and material things need to be last.. whats best for the child and his well being.. you may not loose alot of the things you have mentioned.. with you haveing this child can award you alot more in a divorce in the courts eyes.. like your seperated parther may have to keep up the insurance and tuition and so forth .. you have really the upper advantage on the divorce
2006-11-15 10:48:05 · answer #6 · answered by emanon082264 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many of the other answers you are receiving give legal advice. That's fine, but make sure you consult an attorney in your state. Every state has different rules, especially community property states. I would get some sound advice on what you actually stand to lose or gain in a divorce.
2006-11-15 11:42:29 · answer #7 · answered by Mom & Lawyer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same answer as before....if you can prove that your husband is seeing another woman, any competant attorney can get you the same benefits in the divorce decree....the mortgage, the insurance, the pension, all of it...seriously, at least go TALK to an attorney.
2006-11-15 11:11:59 · answer #8 · answered by mjboog2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since the financial benefits are why you are remaining married, and are not interested in a partner, stay married --- it's just a piece of paper at this point, but an important one. You aren't looking to find anyone else, so do nothing. In your mind you are already "divorced" and so is he.
2006-11-15 11:24:54 · answer #9 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should absolutely not put up with his cheating. Do you still love him? If you do, try and work it out by telling him that you are not willing to stay with him unless he drops her and goes to counseling. (That way he will respect you for taking care of yourself.) If he refuses, then get proof of his cheating and take him for everything. He will still have to pay the mortgage and the tuition. He is doing nothing now but making you feel horrible. Remember, You deserve more!
2006-11-15 10:46:45 · answer #10 · answered by I'mDone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋