1. So when I stumbled upon a path of social work in college, I was surprised by the fultillment I found.
2. So when I stumbled upon a path of social work in college, it was with unexpected fulfillment.
Which is better and why?
2006-11-15 02:13:06 · 15 answers · asked by sjbchapman 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Neither one. NEVER begin a sentence with a conjunction - it creates a sentence fragment! Say, "Consequently, when I stumbled upon a path of social work in college, it was unexpectedly fulfilling."
That "unexpected fulfillment" sounds funny. And NEVER use first person ("I") in an essay for a class!
2006-11-15 02:23:24 · answer #1 · answered by teacherhelper 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would choose 1. My reason is that the second one just makes the path seem that it was upexpected. The first one gives your reaction to the path. The surprised look gives people the understanding that you were surprised by the outcome. They would read on because the readers would want to know why you reacted that way.
SIDE NOTE:
As for grammatical errors: Get rid of "So," it doesn't make the sentence flow smoothly and "a path" to change to "the path" because this explains the enitre spectrum of social work. If not keep "a path" but explain what type of social work it was.
2006-11-15 10:34:34 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin_Widing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither.
Should read something like
"When I stumbled upon the path of social work in college, I was surprised by the fulfillment I found.
2006-11-15 10:22:50 · answer #3 · answered by koral2800 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Neither. I think this sounds better:
When I stumbled upon the path of social work during college, I was pleasantly surprised by the sense of purpose and fulfillment I found in that field.
- change "a path" to "the path"
2006-11-15 10:17:54 · answer #4 · answered by cajun m 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sentence 1 has a spelling error - fultillment. So sentence 2 is better in that context.
With the spelling corrected:
Using Word Perfect 12's Grammatik tool, your first sentence rates: 9.52 on the Flesch-Kinkaid grade level, a 33% on passive voice, a 35% on sentence complexity, and a 30% on vocabulary complexity.
Your second sentence rates: 9.85 on Flesch-Kinkaid, 0% passive voice, 13% sentence complexity, and 38% vocabulary complexity.
By those numbers, if you wish to sound more sophisticated, go with sentence 2.
And be sure to always run spellcheck! ;)
2006-11-15 10:20:50 · answer #5 · answered by Landline 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just a suggestion, I would put "when I stumbled on the path of social work in college, it was met with unexpected fulfillment."
Just a thought
2006-11-15 10:16:51 · answer #6 · answered by mfcarroll1102 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
2 w/o the "so"
2006-11-15 10:14:44 · answer #7 · answered by Win 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First one, for two reasons.
1. The first one is more thorough. Something can be unexpected, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll be surprised. I don't expect it to rain today but if it does I won't be surprised. See? The first one tells us more.
2. The first one just sounds better.
2006-11-15 10:19:47 · answer #8 · answered by Amy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I think they're both awkward sentences, and could be easily said another way. Secondly, the spelling error in the first sentence precludes it altogether from being a "good" sentence.
Re-write it.
2006-11-15 10:22:03 · answer #9 · answered by haha 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sentence #2 is better because it has a more advance adj at the end of the sentence.
2006-11-15 10:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by sheedsfan697 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋