When my fiance and I got together 4 years ago sex was great. He couldnt get enough of it and everytime we were together we just knew it was going to happen. It was amazing. Foreplay, Kinky postions..the whole 9 yards. We moved in together about 2 years ago and sex has almost stopped. Im lucky to get it twice a month. It makes me feel unattactive and unloved. But when I bring it up to him he accuses me of basing our relationship on sex. Which im not. He said he only gave it to me so much before to make me happy, why cant he make me happy now? And Im second guessing the man Im going to marry. Sex now is just that. Sex, I mean I do enjoy it, but theres not foreplay, no fun postions, its just "Ok lets do it" and then its done. Is there ANYTHING I can do to change this back to the way it was before? Or and I fighting a losing battle? I love this man to death, I just dont know whats going on..
2006-11-15 01:54:54 · 10 answers · asked by that.one.girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When my fiance and I got together 4 years ago sex was great. He couldnt get enough of it and everytime we were together we just knew it was going to happen. It was amazing. Foreplay, Kinky postions..the whole 9 yards. We moved in together about 2 years ago and sex has almost stopped. Im lucky to get it twice a month. It makes me feel unattactive and unloved. But when I bring it up to him he accuses me of basing our relationship on sex. Which im not. He said he only gave it to me so much before to make me happy, why cant he make me happy now? And Im second guessing the man Im going to marry. Sex now is just that. Sex, I mean I do enjoy it, but theres not foreplay, no fun postions, its just "Ok lets do it" and then its done. Is there ANYTHING I can do to change this back to the way it was before? Or and I fighting a losing battle? I love this man to death, I just dont know whats going on.. im 22 hes 23.
2006-11-15 02:37:48 · update #1
Of course sex between a couple will change as the years go by, but you both need to putt your ALL into the relationship. I am a little worried that he said he only did it to make you happy. There is definitely something wrong there. You need to have a serious talk or maybe go to relationship therapy. You don't want to marry a guy you are not sure about.
2006-11-15 02:02:15 · answer #1 · answered by ~jenjen~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His argument about 'basing the relationship on sex' is a crock. This is his way of trying to shift the blame from him to you. He is trying to hide behind this disguise. Truth is, if you have a great relationship, then there is going to be passion and lust. Without lust, then what are you...friends with occasional benefits? Under the worst conditions, if you aren't having wild, erotic sex at least once a week, then there is a real problem and he isn't being 100% candid about his thoughts and feelings. Once you moved in together, his conquest was over. He doesn't feel that need to persuade you to his favor because now he has you. Now he is just taking the relationship for granted, where he doesn't feel a need to try and men become bored quickly. This is common and if left alone will just continue on this way or get worse. Eventually you'll probably catch him having an affair. Getting married is not a good idea right now. If there is a chance to bring the spark back to your relationship, you'll have to prove to him that he hasn't won you. You need to make him want to reclaim you. I'd say move out and date him. If he pursues you then great. If he lets you go, then he wasn't the one. Better to find out now, right? You can't truly love someone unless they love you back. What he displays isn't genuine and doesn't sound like love.
2006-11-15 02:19:10 · answer #2 · answered by seattlego 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there, done that! Me and my hubby only dated a month when we got engaged, we had sex all the time, sometimes 6 times a day! It was great!But we got married last July and since had a baby, now I'm lucky to get it 2 or 3 times a month. Your fighting a losing battle. IF you can talk to him and tell him you love him and miss how it use to be. You relationship isn't about sex, but you need that closeness you had b4. Good luck
2006-11-15 02:39:38 · answer #3 · answered by jojo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes the stress of living with somebody changes everything... especially sex...try just starting it instead of talking guys like doing things not talking (i don't mean don't talk that's important too) also there are herbs that you can get and put in his food that will make him feel more in the mood...ya know... also try doing some of the other things that you used to do when dating go out more sometimes they need to see that they and you are still attractive to others..a LITTLE jealosy is good..but if none of that works you need to rethink this seriously because a relationship shouldn't be based totally on sex but by god it is a very IMPORTANT part of it. I mean if he isn't physically impared there is definatley an underlying problem.....good luck hope all works out
2006-11-15 02:05:14 · answer #4 · answered by bunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off all i need to know your age and your fiance age.
However if you think that he only make love with you only to make you happy then you have to find out why he think so. Since you did it before with full of love and enjoy.
Don't you think you guys don't have transparent mental relation?? If not then try to improve this again.
Discuss with him when he is in good mode what he need more from you.
Regarding sex I would suggest you to play some thing in front of him like ( masterbation, recall the memory of previous intercourse and discuss with him, discuss few dirty story etc. I hope it will work.
2006-11-15 02:23:36 · answer #5 · answered by Jack 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The love life cools off a lot after the initial volcanic beginning....it gets even worse when you have kids...but before you consider a future with this guy, and all the stresses that go with it, just make sure you guys are on the same page. Maybe he isn't in a good frame of mind now. Maybe he's just too tired. Who knows? Maybe you can try new ways of seducing him....use your imagination. I wouldn't give up yet....just talk and find out what's going on with him. Then decide.
2006-11-15 02:07:30 · answer #6 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviosly, don't get married until you get this resolved. Go for pre-marital counseling. If he won't go, go yourself. And, if he still won't go, don't marry him. Simple as that.
Marriage is for keeps...or, at least, it should be. Few couples have the luxury of defining a problem like this BEFORE marriage. You may love this man to death, but emotionally, it could be your death that results from marrying him.
2006-11-15 02:00:31 · answer #7 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is exactly what I am afraid of! I love sex too but I don't want it to get old! I want him to want it!!! Just as much as me! I would tell your man that sex is part of a relationship! It's called LOVE!!!! This is something serious that the both of you need to discuss......it depends on your future!
2006-11-15 02:22:19 · answer #8 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has lost interest. When sex becomes mechanical it is time to re-evaluate the relationship.
2006-11-15 02:21:21 · answer #9 · answered by bad_bob_69 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and see if he will tell you what the deal is. If push comes to shove, suggest a sex therapist.
2006-11-16 20:05:32 · answer #10 · answered by Nyema 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋