My husband has Rage issues?

Question

I was just wondering if im the only one wo has to listen to this crap. When my old man gets angry and enraged, he actually GROWLS and ROARS like a damn wild beast. It terrifies our 20 month old and annoys me to no end.He does it ALL THE TIME as he is always angry.
Anyone else ever heard of this?

Answer 1

I've not heard of of it, but here is what I would try to do about it.

Another male (this is very important), who he's receptive to (such as his best friend or father), at a time when he's calm, such as in a bar, needs to point out the problem in the following way.

They would say, for example, "Were you aware that when you're angry, you actually roar and growl. It terrifies ".

Note, he didn't lead up to it with something that would get his back up, like "X was saying the other day that you had a big row". He just said it out of the blue.

The point is, just to state the problem as a fact, without the emotional-baggage. There's no request or demand to do any specific thing. What he does about it is entirely up to him.

The same sentence coming from you would be interpreted as criticism and start another argument.

That's it. The friend just makes him aware of the problem and leaves him to think through for himself what to do about it. Virtually all men love their young children and wouldn't do anything to scare them.

He'll most likely think about it for a while, then stop doing it.

If it starts another argument, just tell him you mentioned it to the friend for the sake of the kid, that he's not in trouble, smile, then leave him alone.

Definitely don't get into a long discussion. The objective isn't to have all the past things he's said to hurt you acknowledged and apologised for. Its to fix the problem. Attack the problem, not the person.

As far as the rage and rowing goes, it just needs someone (a male friend again) to point out that the problem exists and ask him to fix it in his own way and in his own time.

He can suggest that he reads up on the internet and in books (see links) on such subjects as the difference in the way men and women think and communicate, marriage-guidance and anger-management.

He needs to study hard In the subject areas of understanding women and having a good relationship. Now that we have the internet, this is much easier than it was decades ago. Someone needs to tell him that a lot of the stuff he reads is written in a style that suits women. He needs to bite the bullet and extract the 1% that is useful from the 200 page books.

One key point is that a man's whole personality is based in feeling competent and successful. That's why criticism or anything that can be misinterpreted as criticism causes so much trouble. In most men it causes grumpiness and moaning. In his case, it seems to be at the anger level.

He can get his own Yahoo Answers account and ask specific questions on here to both men and women (All those "What does it mean when..." questions).

I think there's one thing you need to do too. Have a read of this article. Many women don't understand that having a discussion (even a short one) of a relationship problem stands no chance of having a positive affect and solving it. The exact opposite is true. It has a 100 times negative affect, magnifying the row, because every sentence you say is misinterpreted as criticism and blaming and demands for apologies, etc. The man just has to escape because his mind is mangled by the rate at which new emotional issues are being raised that he has no understanding of and needs an hour per item to think about.

If there's a problem, just point out that it exists and ask him to go away and think of a solution. Only deal with a single problem at a time.

A man can't fix an emotional problem in an emotional way, just in a logical way, like a car-engine.

Women tend to discuss every last detail of a problem and discuss them in groups. Men like to work alone, only asking for help when needed. If he needs information from you, just provide it in as few words as possible and stick to the facts.

If he eventually learns to stop getting angry and things get better, he may eventually apologise for the things he's said. In a good relationship, both partners let each other be themselves.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Yes, not only have I heard of it..I like you, have lived it. First off, the first time my husband did this after my daughter was born I walked out. I told him my children were not going to grow up being afraid of him. Now, I don't know about your husband but at the time I didn't know if he would hurt me or not. HE knew he wouldn't, but I didn't. Second. When I told him this he was very clear about changing, and he did..for the most part but let me tell you..we have been together over 20 years, he has never raised a hand to me or our children, but the fits we have had to endure, well, it's just not right. He's a great husband and father, terrific man and he has sincerely changed ALOT through the years but the only thing that really has mellowed him has been age. I call it the drop of testosterone levels. And, he STILL gets crazy. Alot less, but it's still there. It's a long road to take, so get him help NOW! Let him know you won't tolerate for yourself or your children. It's genetic, my father in law is the same way. I'm just thankful we had 2 daughters, so I didn't pass this on to another generation of males. Good luck! Like I said, it's a tough one!

Answer 3

"It terrifies our 20 month old", doesn't that concern you? Why would you put up with something like that?

Your husband has "anger management" issues and needs some professional help to learn how to control his feelings. The fact that you seem to "accept" it doesn't make it "okay" for your child to be exposed to it.

I would be less concerned about how it affects you, (since he only "annoys" you), than I am about the welfare of your child. It's up to you to ensure that your child is raised in a stable and loving environment free from any "outbursts of rage".

As a parent you need to do "whatever it takes" to make sure your child is not "exposed" to these types of outbursts before it causes permanent damage.

Encourage your husband to seek the help he obviously needs. It isn't "normal" for anyone to go around "growling and roaring like a wild beast"! If he's unwilling to go for help and he isn't going to change, you need to take another look at your "priorities".

Good luck with this.

Answer 4

Anger Managment. I used to get all hot-headed, not to point of growls, but I've learned to be calm. Anger is bad for every ones health. Point out to him that it is affecting the child, maybe he'll cool it off a bit.

Answer 5

An ultimatum is needed here. Therapy or the curb. Come on, would you let a stranger scare the **** out of your baby??? Why would you let a wild beast any where near your baby. Good luck!

Answer 6

No, however, you are the only one that can do anything about it. Why do you choose to deal with such crap. Tell him to get some help via anger management classes. Good luck and God bless*

Answer 7

sorta, used to terrify my kids but eventualy they got used to it. mostly because he roared alot but didnt hit. they know that if the worst they have to suffer is a headache then they are doing better than the kids that are abused by their parents. dont worry, talk to him and maybe he will tone down a little, at least in front of the kids. good luck.

Answer 8

People do all kinds of stupid **** when they're angry. Sorry but it would annoy me to the point where I'd throw him out and protect my son from being afraid.

Answer 9

Sounds like he feels out of control with his feelings and is acting oddly. He needs professional help. Make an appointment for him and make sure he keeps the appointment.

Answer 10

Yes,get him some anger management help before it turns physical.