If I file, I lose all health insurance, life insurance and pension rights if something happens to him. He is now paying the mortgage (almost $2000) and all of the tuition for the two kids ($1800) without an argument. He left me and is involved with another woman so it feels that by not filing I am saying that it is OK. One marriage is enough so I am not looking to marry again. Any thoughts?
2006-11-15 01:32:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That all depends on what is important to you? Financial stability and material things at the price of your sanity and happiness. For me personally, I would get a divorce, I have my own job, my own money, my own life. He would have to continue on with the support of the children and paying for their schooling. They should not have to suffer with a change in education just because the two of you are divorced. And just because you are not looking to marry again, why would you stay in a marriage with a man who is unfaithful and not even trying to work on the marriage. He is with another woman. Contact an attorney and find out what the laws are in your state and what you are entitled to. Good luck and God bless*
2006-11-15 01:51:34 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is very difficult, and you really should consider speaking with an attorney and posing those very same questions. Depending on state law, remaining married has some benefits (maintaining insurance, pension, marital assets such as the house are held jointly and pass to the other party if one should die). The downside to not asserting those same benefits through a dissolution and order of support is that you are then waiting for him and his new partner to decide when to file and he might be able to do some financial manuevering in the meantime that will leave you with no support. It is remarkably easy to hide assets, open new accounts, and appear virtually penniless to a family judge. If your state has laws about adultery you may even have a great case to make sure your lifestyle and the children's lifestyle are maintained. I strongly encourage you to spend the few hundred dollars it would take to discuss the legal issues with a qualified attorney. Not all attorneys are after blood - some understand that you have to jointly raise children and they strive to preserve that focus. Good luck, it will not be easy!
2006-11-15 01:41:03 · answer #2 · answered by NPB.Mo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would decide how you feel about still being his wife. As another responder said...if he is currently with someone else, your attorney can get you all of the benefits that you currently have without you having to continue with your marriage.
But, if you want to work on things and you want to give him a bit of space to "wake up and smell the coffee" and do what is right by you and your family...or if you are in a place where it would be too overwhelming to go through a divorce, I would wait.
But...do get some legal advice. See an attorney and know what your options are.
He may...he may not come to his senses...but by the time he does...more than likely you will realize that you need him less than you thought you did.
Good luck....and my thoughts go with you. Hope that things get better for you.
2006-11-15 02:02:12 · answer #3 · answered by Susanne W. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are still married and he is involved with another woman, there is no reason that a competent attorney can't get you those benefits anyway....mortgage, tuition, insurance, pension, etc... you say that you are not looking to get married again, but what if you find it anyway? Then what would you do if you are still married to this guy?
2006-11-15 01:37:38 · answer #4 · answered by mjboog2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd call a lawyer and discuss your options with them. In some cases, you can get spousal support -- health/life insurance, mortgage payments, plus a monthly income. In some cases, the other parent can be required to continue paying health/life insurance, tuition, ect. for the children in addition to child support -- to maintain their current life-style. You also need to consider the long-term healthcare your disabled child is going to require, and you could seek some kind of contingency plan for on-going healthcare costs. In some cases, the home would be sold and the profits from the sale divided equally -- or you could "buy out" his half of the house and keep it. The options are almost limitless, but it requires you working within the legal system to get satisfaction and freedom. Why do you need to suffer for his choices? Call and lawyer. Talk with them. Then make your own choices based on the information you gather. Most lawyers will give a free 30-minute consultation or, at the very least, a severely discounted consultation.
2016-03-28 00:57:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound like you have been married for quite some time. If that is the case and he left you and is with a norther woman you can divorce him and keep ever thing that you have right now and also he will have to pay you. Go and get a good lawyer and you will find out all of this. He has put himself in the wrest poss able place. You have the upper hand and if you don't use it, it's your problem.
2006-11-15 01:44:36 · answer #6 · answered by ranchforman57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to an attorney and inquire about him having to sell the house or give you 1/2 the value of it and going after 1/2 of his pension. You may be surprised as to what you are entitled to.
2006-11-15 02:25:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is cheating on you, please divorce him. Forget your benefits. Go and get your own job where you can get the benefits yourself. Don't let anything hold you back. Cause if you do, he will really think he's got control over you. And if you do divorce, let him still pay tuition and mortgage. Don't you fork over a cent.
2006-11-15 01:38:20 · answer #8 · answered by gapeach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
check with a lawyer. i am sure that the adultery factor will help you win all that and some dignity back. by not filing you are telling him it is OK to treat you this way and what if he decides one month that he is done paying for your mortgage and school fees??? get a lawyer and protect yourself now.
2006-11-15 01:41:25 · answer #9 · answered by me2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if your not looking to marry right now I would just leave things be...and anyone important in your life you can tell them the truth that you don't like that fact that he is with another but going to take him for all you can by letting him continue to pay the big bills.
2006-11-15 01:36:34 · answer #10 · answered by ladysilverhorn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋