Babysitter problems. Will someone offer me advise?

Question

My babysitter loves my 7 month old. She takes great care of him. It's hard to find that now a days. She watches my best friends son also. Those are the only two she keeps. She gets paid 60.00 a week which is great for us. My son is a very good baby. He hardly cries ever unless hes teething. He occupies himself and goes to sleep with out a bottle or anything. Now that he is going there she started rocking him to sleep, holding him the whole time hes there. (she told me all of this). Now I see a change in him. He has to be rocked to sleep and wants to be held a lot more. I brought this to her attention and she shrugged it off. She is still doing all of that. Well for the last 4 days my sister-in-law has watched him. She has taught him to say momma, feed himself, and shes breaking the cycle of wanting to be held 24/7. What do I do when I take him back to the babysitters? How can I tell my babysitter to stop spoiling him when she don't listen? I do not want my son spoiled. Any ideas?

I do love her as a babysitter. That is why I do not want to take him elsewhere. I love the fact that she is one on one with him. I do feel he is very safe with her. I don't want to take him to a daycare for the fact the he won't be given attention. I just want some suggestions on what to do when she shrugs off everything I say and keeps him dependent.
I want him to learn things, be taught things, etc. In 3 days with my sister-in-law he has done so much. It really warms your heart to see him learning all these new things. I love my son more than anything and will do everything best for him. All I wanted was some suggestions.
I thank those who are actually giving me suggestions. Mikey Mike... frankly I don't like your attitude but its your opinion
Stallion I feel sorry for you. Just by the way you answered this question shows you are unhappy in life and seem to have a chip on your shoulder. Im a great mother and I will bust my butt at work to give my child what he needs!

Answer 1

Sorry those first two answerers are major morons, with out a real clue (unfortunately for them, they are probably biologically programmed to be this way).
I can totally relate to your problem. It is a frustrating one. It is many times easier for the sitter to just hold the baby instead of really paying attention to it's cries and trying to understand what the baby really needs. If the babies needs are being payed attention to a proper amount of loving and holding and snuggling, while it may be a great amount, it is not constant. Babies also need to have independant play, to discover their abilities and world around them. A baby who is constantly rocked to sleep, begins to learn that this is the only way to sleep. Babies often wake several times during sleep, (not a full alertness, just mildly like when they adjust, or turn. Just like we do, think about it.) When they realize they are sleeping in a place that is different than where they remembered falling asleep in, this can be scarry. Some will cry until held and rocked again. This is a very disturbing sleep cycle to thier little minds and bodies that need a very large amount of restful sleep. Another thing, if babies cries are thier way of communicating their needs. They do not have only 1 need (being held and rocked). When they are constantly answered with the same holding and rocking, (can you imagine how frustrating this would be for yourself) they do become fussier, because no one is "getting them". Many people (including many moms) do this out of best intentions, and just not really knowing better. You can't really blame someone for being innocently ignorant when they don't know, and when their are plenty of rediculous "experts" out there who have made plenty of money reinforcing this type of "parenting".
Sorry to say, but your baby sitter will probably not change her ways. She will justify her actions in her own mind by her own ignorance (like your 1st two answers) and figure she is just more caring. When the reality is, she doesn't have to deal with the responsibility of rearing the baby, she only has to get through her day and holding the baby all day, to her, seems like she is doing what's best. So you are in a difficult situation. You need to work and you need your child to be taken care of. The benefits of her watching your child during the day, and you knowing that your baby is in caring hands my have to out way the negatives of your baby picking up the "poor baby habits" while you are away. I don't know, only you can answer that for yourself. I'm hoping for you, that you just realizing that it's not you, you can understand that you are a caring attentive mom. Just by realizing the change in your baby, and then trying to figure out what your baby needs, you have been able to trace it back to the babysitter's best intentions. Your babies infant days will go by pretty fast (i know it doesn't seem like it) but perhaps she would be the best one when your baby is a little older, so would it be worth it to just stick this time out and bite your tounge? Should you just appreciate her for what she is doing right? Is your sister in law a full time reliable option? These are questions you will have to ask yourself and come up with yourself. Hopefully you have been able to mull it around and the different opinions have helped you to truly weed out what you believe and don't believe. Best of luck to you and my hats off to you, for paying attention.

Answer 2

its a hard thing to have a baby that needs to be held but i would also look at all the good things about her. talk to her again and see if you can get her to understand but on the other hand you should be happy that you have a sitter that interacts with the baby there are many out there that dont do that. i know its hard but you need to figure out what is wores for you having a good sitter that doesnt charge much and ending up with a baby thats a little needy or having a day care where the baby;s sit around all day with little cuddeling and a high price but you dont have a needy baby. i am not being mean i have 3 children and they all have been in some form of daycare/ sitter because i do work. so i know its hard but to me the needy baby sideeffect is the better of all evils.

Answer 3

My sister watches my son because she is a stay at home mom. I get this for free also. My son is spoiled rotten now because of her. But you know I'm thankful that I dont have to worry about him going to a stranger who WON'T give him attention. My son has been in her care for a good 4 months now. Yes he seems to want to be held more now but he is adjusting to MY schedule too....like laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning...all that I have to do at night because I work 9+ hours during the day. Maybe your son will do the same and adjust to the environment he is in at the time. Also he is just 7 months old. He needs attention and to be held. I say hold him now while you can because soon he will have better things to do and not want to be held anymore. I enjoy when my 6 month old wants me and grabs my face and smiles when I pick him up.

Answer 4

Well my son is the same way. He is Mr. Independant by all means. I was afraid that my sitter was also going to do the same thing. Fortunately nothing really changed for him. I try to explain to the sitter that he is getting attached to the way she is doing certain things. That the way you want her to do stuff is beest for the way you and your family works. Explain to her that it is better for the baby to be able to go to sleep on his own, and start learning certain things as he growns. Don't think of it as spoiling, babys can't get over spoiled. But those are the things you want done as his parents. I would maybe even throw in (whether or not you mean it), that you may have to look for a different sitter.

Answer 5

You have to consider the possibility that you may have to change babysitters. It's great that she loves him and cares for him, but he needs to learn as well. If she doesn't teach him, she is not a good babysitter. Start looking for a new sitter and let your current sitter know that you are looking. Maybe that will help her to pay more attention to your requests. If she doesn't change, you would be doing your son a great disservice by keeping him with her.

Answer 6

I have to say that I couldn't do what you do. I have 2 children, my son is almost 5 and my daughter is 4 mths. Neither of them have been in daycare or watched by a babysitter daily. I'm a nurse and I chose to work nights so that I could be there 100%.. I'm not saying that you're a bad person, but I just don't understand how you can let someone else play mommy when you're off at work. Not for me to decide so I guess you just need to lay down the rules on this babysitter. You let her know that this is YOUR child and she will do what you say when it comes to your childs care.. I hope everthing works out for you.

Answer 7

I would sit your sitter down and talk with her. Be sincere and explain that you want her to be an extension of you when you are away. Let her know you trust her in her decisions and believe she is only doing what she thinks is best, but it's not how you believe your child should be raised at this point. Let her know that he is a more independent baby and would like to keep it that way. When approaching these matters it's important to not make your sitter feel incompetent or that she has done something wrong. In other words be firm but gentle.

Answer 8

Well I would really sit down with your sitter and ask her politely to see things from your view. Don't insult her or compare her to your sister-in-law. She needs to be reminded that he is your son - not hers. But dont' go overboard with it, or you're going to end up loosing your babysitter, and who know who you'll end up with next time. Good luck!

Answer 9

Wow those other answers were pretty harsh. I suggest, as a mother that had similar problems, that you just talk to her openly more. Just stress to her what is happening at home at night after she has had him alll day. You are the mom and you make the rules. You are paying her to do a job, and she needs to do the job like you want it done. You dont have to mean or anything just tell her what you want done!!

Answer 10

Did you know that connections between brain cells are only formed when a baby is being held???

Your babysitter is loving your child and doing right by him. Your sister in law is the type that wants to force children to grow up way way way way way before they're ready. We don't need one more man raised in the harsh, uncaring, truly ignorant way she proposes.

Remember, it's the well-loved babies who grow up smartest and most independent. The ones raised the way your sister in law proposes are full of self-doubt and feel unloved. When they do achieve, it's to perform, to please, to get that love.

If you get your babysitter to change how she is raising your son, you will be making a terrible mistake. She is giving your son what he needs (what you were supposed to be giving him) and taking what he needs away from him will just prove what all the research on babysitters for infants/toddlers has shown - that moms who separate from their babies for more than ten hours a week get less attached to their babies.

Only a mom who is not attached to her baby could want him to stop being love and enter the boot camp nightmare world of your sister in law.

Or a mom who is not strong enough to stand up for her child and say NO.

Your baby is still forming. He needs 24/7 mother's arms. It was supposed to be your arms, your millk. Don't hurt him. Let the sitter keep loving him the way nature intended.

Go to a zoo and watch a gorilla/chimp/oran utan mom. These are our closest relatives and we all evolved to need very similar infancy/toddlerhood experiences. They never ever put their babies down.