My parents divorcing.. and Im miserable..?

Question

Well, my birthday is today and I cant even begin to explain to you the pain I am feeling. My parents decided at 2AM that they are getting a divorce. My step-dad came out and told my mom that he doesnt love her anymore and that he likes someone else. My mom found text messages on my dads phone talking to some chick he works with about how much he misses her and all this other crap. I dont have a dad. My real one is such a jerk [long story] but he is out of my life and has been for the passed 3 to 5 years. And now.. My stepdad.. The closest thing I had to being a father to me.. Walked out and left for basically some other chick. My 18th is suppose to be happy and fun.. And right now.. I just cant even imagine getting through this process that has just begun. We have to sell this beautiful home we just bought.. Cause we cant live in this home.. Just from my moms paycheck.. And move into some tiny apartment. Im so heartbroken right now.

I dont even know where to begin. I cant believe this is happening to me. It doesnt seem real. It just seems like a horrible dream. And I cant wake up. Ha. Its so crappy. I got about a half hour of sleep.. and was woken up by my parents fighting.. And I cant miss anymore school.. So, Im going to school.. with not even a full hour of sleep in me.. Parents divorcing.. Birthday here.. but having to worry about moving out.. And money issues.. And how to stay strong to keep my mom and brother strong. Im so scared. I dont know what to do.

Answer 1

Happy birthday
always remember it is not your fault
your stepdad does not have any problems with you and I am sure he will be willing to stay in touch with you

Answer 2

I know that it is hard on you but it is better if they split so that can be happy and be with people they make happy and that make them happy. It is hard no but you have no idea on what the future is going to hold. You never know if after your step dad's is gone that he might come back and if he doesn't then your mom might meet someone better. My parents got divorced when I was your age but that was for the good. My parents got along better when they were divorced. It was nice. As for the house there are nice apartments and smaller house that you mom might be able to get. Why does your step dad have to not be there cause he can't make it work with your mother. If he feels that you are like a daughter then he will be there. If not then it is his lose and some men are made to be dad's they can just help make a child not raise them. Just try to look at the pluses and know that things can get better. Most of all give it some time.

Answer 3

OK first of all stop and take a deep breath......I know you might really be hurting right now but you have to be there for your mum it is not your fault that this is all happening and i know it sucks, Your step dad sounds like he has really been a *** about this, if you have all these feelings about him being there for you and now just running out on your family after all this time i think you should tell him, i say write him a letter telling him everything you feel about this situation, I know your thinking how will this help but it will really, even if you don't give him this letter in the end it will still help some of your grieving process, now about your house, having a beautiful house is not everything help your mother out by letting her know you support her you might have to live in a small apartment now but things will change after a while, hey you might even move out into your own place with a few friends etc.. so it's not like you are going to be there forever. I know it's crummy my dad did the same thing when i was 15 it was really hard to start off but i made the best out of things, it will take time to get things back to normal but you will get there! Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sorry it couldn't have been a better one!

Answer 4

You can be scared, but you have to stay strong. Moving out the house should not be a problem. Financial issues are the most important. What can you do about it is what you should be thinking about. Do you have a job? If no find one. You can help with some stuff like gas or small bills with the money you can save. The divorce of your parents doesn't end your life. You have the right to be happy, and if others can't help you, give yourself the opportunity to achieve your goals and be financially secured in order to enjoy your life later. My parents divorced when i was 4 and a half years old. Neither of them got married after that. I never spend more than 2 months straigth with my mother.Today i love both of them and I'm trying to be the best i can be.
Remember, what does not kill you makes you stronger...
Peace

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through...My parents' divorce was final on my 17th birthday...so, I kindof know what your going through...my dad and I also had to move out of our home and into an apartment...and my mom left us for another man...I know that right now it seems like your never gonna get through this...but you will..you'll come out stronger then ever...my experience, I believe has made me a better wife and mother...because I've seen how an affair can affect a marriage...and I've felt how a broken marriage can affect a kid...I work harder then ever now to make my marriage work for the sake of my children...and I'm a more understanding person because of this..and you will be too...just hang in there...support your mom emotionally...she's gonna need it...and you don't worry about money or finances...it's not your job..you have enough to worry about with school...if you feel like you want to help, and you think you can handle it, then maybe you could get a job and help pay for your things like clothes and gas and stuff...it's hard I know..because I did it...but if you really set your mind to it...you can do it too...it'll be fine..I promise..

Answer 6

Only you can know how much pain you are feeling, so I won't even try to console you.

In my experience, embracing change instead of resisting to it helps more. So, if your parents are fighting and a divorce seems under the way, well, pondering about it doesn't help. Think about your priorities. School, your mother and brother, finding a new house, starting a new life... Think of things as a series of events, rather than a ball of emotion. Action helps you get through things. Also, helping others get over surrows will help you forget your own pain. So, set your priorities and act!

Try to be more accepting of the facts. OK. Your father cheated on your mother, you have to start things anew, so what! Get your strength together and get going. Think: "I can do this!" You'll soon see that you really can! You cannot imagine how empowering positive thinking is!

I repeat. Stop pondering and get into action!

Answer 7

Dang! Lousy birthday, huh?

I'm so sorry for you and your situation. Because you are "in the moment", everything may seem black and horrible because, well, it is.

But, eventually, you will get passed it all. Most people here will have suggestions about what to do, and they will probably be good ones. So, here are some things NOT to do:
1) Don't run off and marry the first guy that pays attention to you to get away from all of the hurt.
2) Don't get pregnant by some guy that takes advantage of your sadness and tries to "comfort you".
3) Beware of any kind of quick fix - stay away from drugs, alcohol, and so-called "friends" that lure you into their own lives of dispair and bitterness.
4) Watch out for attractions to older men, especially married ones. They may appear to be very attractive right now and they may find you very attractive, too, in your time of need. But, don't get involved in any kind of relationship. (I'm not suggesting that you avoid sincere and appropriate support from a gentleman, clergy, or counselor, however.)
5) Don't drop out of school or radically change your life goals. Stay focussed and let your parents sort out their problems. Don't get involved in that mess if you can help it, accept as a support to your mom during the transition.

As with all of life's trials, this, too, shall pass. Hang in there. My heart goes out to you. God bless you to be strong beyond your years.

Answer 8

First of all "Happy Birthday" to you sweety! And I know the pain you are feeling! I really do! But you will gwt threw this and its not your fault for your parents divorce! I know I had my parents divorce my senior year in high school and I was a mess! My real dad is a 'jerk' too! Left my mom for another woman and It really caused me alot of depression too! I had no where to turn and no one to talk to! But I did confide in a friends mom and dad who are still married to this day,and they got me to talk to my high school councelor,I lived in a nice home all my life and had it all,and the divorce made us have to move in a smaller place I had to change schools and it was rough! But just think " Positive",never let a "Negative" thought cross your mind! and it may not happen as fast as you want it,but if you "pray"and just put it in Gods hands he will "Open" doors for you!and never blame 'yourself' for there split! Talk to people and friends and just look at it like this,"I am Strong,I will get thru this, things will get better! This is just temporary! Keep looking 'up' and make it work!
At least you have a roof over your head and thats positive,I know it was so hard for me too! But my Aunt got me thru it,and she has passed now but Im just telling you what she always told me and It worked! Good Luck sweety and I will keep you all in my "Prayers".......and pray for your dad and stepdad and mom and you too!. . . The Best is Yet To Come! Happy Birthday To You! & Many More Happy Ones To Come!

Answer 9

Wow! What a Birthday present! Time hearl all wounds. This is your Mom and Dad's problem It soundslike they need to take their arguements into another place not around you! Are you planning on College? More than likely you are a senior and still have the rest of the year. Maybe you can get a job after school and help your Mom out with rent money.

Answer 10

Happy brithday HON,
I actually don't know what to say to you
remember no matter what make sure that you continue to go to school at least you can give your mom some hope
be a friend to her, listen
and pray that all of you will come out ok
talk to your school counsolor as well as you priest or pastor
anyone that you can trust
but most of all stay away FROM DRUGS that will be a big help
I know at the moment you can't see light at the end of the tunnel
but their is
Good Luck

Answer 11

You're going to be okay and so is your mom. You had a rude awakening, and now you are trying to digest all that has happened. Your mom is going to need you, and you need to be there for her, as she will be there for you. Now is the time to put all the pain into action. Talk to a guidance counselor at school, if you don't have a job yet, get one to show your mom that you are strong for her. Do whatever it takes to turn this around and make it work for you guys...remember there is never a greater revenge than accomplishment.