My husband accusing me that child we have (9yrs. old) is not his?

Question

I'm shocked, what to do? God knows, I have never ever laid my eyes on another man. He wants to do DNA, and I said "do that and bring papers for divorce", cause if you think I'm a whore, you don't deserve to have me around. I've always loved him. He drinks, going out, drags me downhill with him, accusing me of everything. I'm so scared of life. So scared to live alone with my child. Is there any way that we can fix this, without "hurting" each other. I'm really willing to try to work things out, but I can't just leave, I have no family, nobody around, just myself. That's the main reason I'm scared to live alone.

Answer 1

Give him the paternity test he is requesting. And then go from there, if you are willing and able to forgive him. However, you seem to have more issues than this DNA testing. He is a alcoholic and this may be leading to his paranoia. Why would you want to stay with a man and raise your son in this atmosphere. Being single and alone, does not mean lonely. And my guess is you would be much happier without the emotional abuse. And just think about the example the two of you are setting for your son and his future relationships. I say you need to get some counseling, this may assist you in feeling empowered to do something about your situation. No one can do it for you, and you and your child deserve better. Check the yellow pages for the local domestic violence agency in your area, they offer counseling services. Not just for battered (beat up) physically abused women. Emotional abuse is just if not more harmful. Good luck and God bless you, I will keep you in my prayers. *

Answer 2

Well, your excuse for not doing a dna test is that if you do it then that means he thinks you’re a ‘wh*re’ (your word, not mine) but that excuse doesn’t seem to hold water, because he’s basically already made that accusation, right? So right now he’s probably thinking that there’s another reason you’re reluctant to do the test.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d be pissed off if I were in your place too, but I’d do the test (without the kiddo being aware of what was going on!) and prove him wrong.

So here are your choices: (1) do the test (2) don’t do it, stay, and expect him to always wonder about it and maybe even continue to bring it up for the remainder of your marriage (3) leave, file for divorce, and expect him to request that the judge order a dna test.

Whatever you do, don’t stay in a marriage where you’re unhappy and treated badly just because you’re scared of being alone.

Answer 3

Getting the DNA test is probably the only way you will ever convince him that the child is his. I know from experience that alcoholics get some very weird ideas in their heads.
As for leaving him, ask yourself this. Would your child be better off without him around? I'm guessing the answer is yes. If you decide to leave there are tons of support groups out there where you can meet people so that you won't feel so alone.
If you can forgive him and decide to stay I recommend at least joining an Al-Anon group. It sounds like you could really use the support.

Answer 4

You obviously do you love your husband. But because you are scared of being by yourself, this is no reason to be with him when he is making things hard for you. I don't know why he thinks that your 9 year old is not his but prove to him that it is and have the DNA test and when it proves that he is the father. Say I told you, and now we have to talk.

You will be in the stronger position because you would have just proved him wrong and then say now what was that all about. I love you and I want to be with you but you can't go around accusing me of things that I haven't done. If you love me then let's make this work, let's go to counselling I will do everything in my power, but if you don't even though I'm scared then I want you to leave.

I think that you have to prove to him that you are willing to face things by yourself, because if he sees that you are this strong then maybe and that you are willing to carry on without him, he will hopefully come around and start treating you better so that you can make a go of things. However I bet that you are stronger than you think many women have made it on their own and raised their children without having families and I'm sure that you will be able to do it to, if you have to. Be strong!

Answer 5

Get the DNA test and then leave his sorry piece of @ss for treating you like garbage. Sometimes its better to live alone than to be living with a man who brings you down. This man should not be the be all and end all of your social life. Go out with your child and have fun! You need to come out of your shell and live life instead of simply existing. Do it not just for you but for your child as well.

Answer 6

Don't be scared to live alone, anyone can do it! Something I've learned in life is...when someone accuses, they might just be doing it themselves!

I say, let him pay and have a DNA done....prove the as*hole wrong!

If your willing to work things out, try talking to him calmly...but remember you might wanna do some investigating!

Answer 7

Then have the test and be done with it. But, it sounds like you have other troubles. The two of you need to find some help together. The child thing is just his way of getting you started, and it sounds like it is working.

Answer 8

I've been in a similar situation so I know leaving is scary. Really scary. But if you think about it, isn't staying worse? Do you want to go through this, for your kids to see you go through this, for any longer. Don't you deserve better?
Also, in my opinion he is preparing to leave. If your child isn't his, he thinks he won't have to pay support. Of course he's wrong.
Your best bet is to break up on your terms. I know it's hard to hear but it is for the best. There are better things out there. It takes time, but you owe it to yourself and your children to be happy.

Answer 9

Take his a ss to Muray , and when he reads you are the father, You need to take his A ss to court to make him pay you child support. Men kill me with that, they know that the child his theirs and the first thing they say that baby isn't mine. Just take him to do the blood test so you don't have to keep hearing his mouth about it. Good Luck

Answer 10

you know what quit being scared i would rather be alone than to be with some one like that . Get yourself a job and get up and stand on your own two feet. women do it everyday in this country and we file for divorce everyday in this country too. If you are scared to be by yourself why? you know how many women in this country are by themselves? Alot . are they scared no!!1 stop being a ninny and you might find out that there is peace in being just you and your son. alot more peace than you have right now and believe me you might even like being by yourself. good luck and god bless and happy thanksgiving.