do i leave my wife for my girlfriend?

Question

I love them both but why would i look else where if i really loveed my wife? Im so unsure!

Answer 1

You have a girl friend who knows you love your wife? She knows what she got into. Leave your Girlfriend, Confess to your wife & face the consequences

Answer 2

You promised your wife "until death do us part".

There was a reason they made you make that promise. It didn't say "until someone better comes along" or "until I stop loving you one day" or "until I'm not so sure anymore". You made a committment for a reason. Were you sure then?

We all have doubts about whether we've done the right thing - every day.... but there's nothing worse than doing the wrong thing when you're unsure.

Think long and hard about it. What ever you chose to do, it will stay with you forever. Remember that a marriage can be the most magical thing - you must give it a chance, and you can't give it that opportunity if you're blinded by lust...

One more thing I would say to answer the question directly... You married your wife, that's who you should be with. Leave your girlfriend to get on with her own life.

Answer 3

Sometimes its 'better the devil you know' so to speak. Who knows after living with your girlfriend for a while you or her may tire of each other, then you lose out big time. If your basic relationship with your wife is sound, then i would suggest that you stay with her, and work on what you have. It is so easy to get bored with what you have, but as you have said, you are unsure of what to do, i would say that you still love your wife, because if you didnt you would not hesitate in leaving. The fact that you are unsure tells me that you are unsure of your stability in your relationship with your girlfriend also. When you say that you love them both, that is quite simply not true. You cannot love them both, i think it more correct to say that you love neither of these woman. To truly love someone means giving all of yourself to one person when you are romantically involved in this way. Just question your motives here, maybe its just that you want some excitement in your life.......you can do this with your wife, you know you can.....think about it.

Answer 4

You're right, if you really loved your wife, you wouldn't have cheated on her.

By the same token, if you had more respect for people in general you wouldn't have had an affair and dragged a third party into your unhappy marital situation.

How will the girlfriend ever be fully able to trust you, knowing that you are capable of cheating on your wife in the first place? Maybe it is only a matter of time before you do the same to her.

Out of common decency, the right thing to have done was to have left your wife before starting with anyone else. I guess the lure of the forbidden was too great for you.

What is your own self-worth that you decided to do this, not only to your wife, but to yourself, and to this other woman?

So, do the right thing. Make a choice. Make a choice that you can live with, with as clean a conscience as you can. You're a grown-up now.

Answer 5

Firstly, you as a marrried man is not expected to have any affair outside your matrimonial home because this is unfaithfulness. It would be very wrong for you to leave your wife just like that. Don't forget your promise to her when you got wedded that you will be with her "for better or for worse". It is very impossible to love two people equally. You will therefore love more than the other. and I suggest you should love you wife more and don't be unfaithfully to her. Don't foget the truism that says "A bird in the hand is more more than two in the forest." Stick with your wife. You will sooner or later wear-off from the feelings you have for your girlfriend. Cheers

Answer 6

You need to ask yourself a lot of questions that only you have the answer to.

Why did you marry your wife?
What has changed since your wedding?
Why did you need to find a girlfriend?
What do you want your future to look like?
Will your girlfriend still want you if you leave your wife?
Will you regret either decicion?
What does your wife deserve? A reformed husband who has decided to put everything into the marriage or a life away from the man she trusts that is betraying her?

Only you can make your decision but respect your wife.

Answer 7

Humans are not monogamous by nature, just social conditioning... And intimate, adult love, is not diminished by the number of people involved.

What does create limits to a relationship are lies and deceit. If you "really loved your wife" you would tell her what is really going on, and your girlfriend too and deal with the consequences. But if you tell either one of them don't use any excuses and don't place blame. Just tell the truth.

That may mean divorce, that may mean that you loose both of them, it also may mean a redefinition of your relationship with your wife and girlfriend (see: www.polyamory.org ).

But consider this: If you have been hiding the fact that you have more than one love, you are in the wrong and whatever happens you'll have to live with the consequences. Hiding things creates problems that can be insurmountable.

Again, to answer your question; Do you leave your wife for your girlfriend the answer is Yes, No, and Maybe. Yes - if your love for one of your partners has been replaced by the love of another. No - if you love both of them then stay with both of them, but only if your honest with both of them. And maybe, really you need to be honest with both of them, and it is likely that they will make the decision for you.

Answer 8

There is no easy answer to that question.

It is, however, important for you to understand the vows you committed to when you got married - marriage is not something you should just throw away without working on it.

Perhaps you might like to consider talking to a counsellor about the issues that led you to stray from your wife?

~Do you really "love" the other woman, or is it just lust, or a need to gain something your relationship with your wife lacks? What do you "get" from being with your girlfriend?

I would be curious to hear how you describe the relationships you have with your wife and your girlfriend, as loving two people equally with true sincere depth is rather unusual.

Indeed, i believe you have touched on your possible feelings of guilt over your "double life" in your statement: "but why would i look else where if i really loved my wife?"

Sometimes in a marriage you can lose sight of your partner because of pressures at work, home life and the general flow of life, always repeating itself day in day out - what you might like to consider is "rediscovering" your wife - find out what makes her tick, take her out on a date (like a first date), spend some quality one-on-one time with her.

You may or may not like to tell her about your affair - it is up to you - but consider: of all the couples that get divorced (which is well over 50% nowadays), many could have worked it out to create a better more loving relationship. Who's to say that what you're craving and searching for won't reoccur when you are with your girlfriend fulltime?

To me, it seems you are seeking something which you could very well obtain within your marriage, but are not facing it....

Answer 9

in the first place if your married having a wife where is the
girlfriend suppose to come in? you should not even have a
girlfriend in the first place if you have a wife. girlfriend and wife
dose not mix in the same sentence. what you need to do
is spare your wife, let her go and be with the girlfriend or
leave the girlfriend and do right with your wife. if the girlfriend
was any kind of woman she would back off or encourage you
to make amends with your wife. what goes aroung comes
around for people like your girlfriend.

Answer 10

This problem will probably get solved for you by one of the women cos it usually takes a woman to sort something out!

Your wife will find out at some point - wives always do. Then your world will turn upside down and you may not have any choice of what you do. Your wife may chuck you out..... certainly she won't feel the same about you. And your gf may not actually want you.

There's an old saying that says something like Take what you want from life - but be prepared to pay!

So do whatever you like - but one day my friend it may not be YOU making the choices, and you will probably end up divorced, so you have to decide if sh*gging your gf is worth it.

Answer 11

Would you really put the choice on the opinions of a group of random people after a two line question?? We do not know any othe the people involved or the curcumstances. Only you and you alone can choose your path in life. Somehow you are just not being fair to any of the parties here including yourself. Sh... will fly no doubt what ever the option .......or maybe down the road you end up with neither!!!