someone you care for so much, you give your heart to them, you love them so much and you find out they have kept things away from you and lied to your face, more than once....
how do you tell them how hurt your feeling? without them getting angry..... :(
2006-11-14 22:32:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
write it in a letter
2006-11-14 22:37:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should you care if they get angry? They betrayed your trust, you should be the one who's angry. However since you are obviously capable of being reasonable at the moment, choose reason over anger; it's more productive.
If they dont understand how trust plays a central part in every relationship, they need to learn quickly so they can understand how to behave appropriately in a relationship and take responsibility for their actions.
Anger is a defence mechanism. Some people use it to cover up or bat away guilt and accusations. It can be a sign of a lack of responsibility for ones own behaviour/ contribution to a problem, or it can be righteous anger when someone has crossed your boundaries.
If this person doesnt feel they owe you the truth, theres something wrong in your relationship. One or both of you may have done something to cause this, sort it out. Or your partner may just be immature and have blnkered views about relationships. Start the learning curve or you will be exploited.
Explain with tact and diplomacy. Matter of fact, firm but fair. Dont be a wimp, but dont be aggressive either. Sometimes it's necessary in a relationship to set boundaries for your own self respect and to gain the respect of your partner.
Explain that dishonesty is disrespectful to you as a person, ask if they respect you, and if 'yes' then let them know that in order for them to show you that respect they'll need to give you better treatment. If the answer is 'no' they dont respect you then, unless you did something to lose that respect, you need to leave.
2006-11-14 23:05:05 · answer #2 · answered by cognoscible 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly what you are going through. in my case the person only got aggresive and defensive each time I broached the subject. I let them know I knew something amiss and they had lied and hoped they might own up ........what in fact happened was they manipulated the thing so I ended up feeling like the bad one....stupid but true. I knew there was fabrications going on but not sure exactly what. Pathological liars are unaware of the hurt they deliver with their lies. Often to them the subject they lie about seems unimportant and they believe has no baring on the relationship and that they are allowed to have secrets. They are inept at the relationship thing as in sharing and caring. There was something concrete in the end they could not deny....but did try.
I walked away in the end because communication became impossible, It is horrible to invest trust in a person and have it thrown back in your face. It is no basis for a relationship to continue painful as it is the only solution is to walk. Let them mess with someone elses head.
The hurt is doubled by the fact you loved someone it turned out you never really knew at all. There is a better person out there for you......as I hope there is for me too. If it is any consolation I am now starting to feel better about it all and realise the lucky escape and no more time was wasted in a bastardised relationship. Love is a spent force without trust.
2006-11-16 07:10:42 · answer #3 · answered by eagledreams 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find I have to write stuff down if I am upset or angry in a letter for the person. Otherewise I will cry!! and not get the point accross.
Try writing a note or maybe or make a little video clip with your message on. Don't be there when they read it that way they have to read it first and not interrupt you getting the point accross.
Sorry fot your boken heart and hope things turn out alright for you.
2006-11-14 22:39:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont bother about them getting angry! they have no right to be angry if they are lying and hiding things from you. Just get straight to the point and ask them why they do that. My fiance is the exact same i keep telling him his lies will always find him out but he never believes me then i find out all his lies. I dont blame you for hurting right now i know how you feel. dont ignore the situation though. if you ignore it it will only get worse. Good Luck
2006-11-14 23:09:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them exactly how you feel who cares if they get angry, that is the guilt making them angry because they know how they have treat you. Dont let anyone walk all over you be strong. Good luck
2006-11-15 01:59:18 · answer #6 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you concerned with getting a liar angry?you should be angry,angry enough to kick that person to the curb,when you allow that bad behavior,it's like harboring a criminal.you will never feel the same about the one who betrays you and you should be getting away from such a person as you are seemingly taking the shame for them.don't just be hurt,protect your self and never trust them with your love like that again.what ever happened to earning a persons respect ?you aren't"t thinking clear or you'd be running in the opposite direction.
2006-11-14 22:42:54 · answer #7 · answered by punkin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
thats 2 questions really . firstly u need to stop bein a door mat. think about that consider if you want kept being made to feel guilty for somebody elses bad points . i think the more important question is that . not theyre crumby feelings because they blatantly dont care for yours . stand up . this person is a bully if they turn around and try to make u feel bad if u only want to tell them how u feel for THEM lying to you. build yr confidence it will come 1 day at a time but it wont start at all with ppl like tht in yr life making u feel tht way . u r being used . sorry but thts the impression i get. im sure u know this anyway or you would not have worded it the way u did . laugh it (him/her) off . put it down to experience and learn form yr mistakes u dnt need negative ppl in yr life
2006-11-14 22:43:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you are feeling that hurt why would you care if the other person got angry. Have it out with them.
2006-11-14 22:38:56 · answer #9 · answered by Label Lady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First for me it would depend on what lies were told and why. But if you feel this way then why would you care if they are got mad at you or not, surely you arent thinking of patching it up and if you are then you need to just say, I know you've lied and about what but that is the past and we go on from this minute forward, honestly.
2006-11-14 22:42:17 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you can talk to them honestly without any of you getting angry,but the most important thing would be to be honest with each other and talk.Express your feelings to them.
2006-11-14 22:45:06 · answer #11 · answered by TG 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋