should I keep the baby?

Question

I am 19 yrs old and have a 4 month old baby. I just found out I am pregnant again and am not ready for another baby just yet. I find it hard at the moment, a baby that takes alot of my energy and I feel I have to put all my effort into her before I think about another baby. If I keep the pregnancy I would have 2 children under 1 year old and I really dont think I would cope very well. My partner really wants to keep that baby, but I dont think he realises how hard it will be on me. What is your advice?

Answer 1

trust my advice, i got pregnant again when my first child was 7 months old. I wanted to have an abortion but my husband did not. I had the baby and while I do love her very much, it really is too difficult most of the time. Don't have a baby if you're not ready to take on the extra child, both children and yourself will suffer at times. Just enjoy and nurture the child you have now and maybe in the future when you're feeling more stable. Good Luck.

Answer 2

I honestly believe that the ultimate decision is yours to make. But, that being said, it is also up to your partner. I think the best thing you can do is to sit down and discuss each option. If your partner really wants you to keep it and you feel it would be too much, explain what would be so difficult and see if your partner is willing to take on more responsability to help care for the children. If you decide not to keep the baby then you have to decide what is best for you. Adoption is always an excellent choice as there are many families out there who would love to have a baby and can't. If you do choose to have an abortion - expect some people to be very hard on you about it. But there are also alot of supportive people and groups. You could also try discussing it with a professional - such as someone at Planned Parenthood to help you make a decision. Good luck no matter what you decide.

Answer 3

Congratulations on your daughters birth,
You need to remember everything happens for a reason, I can understand how hard it is on you at the moment but things will be hard at first but it will get easier as your children grow.
If you do keep your baby which is a decision for both you and your partner to decide together as it affects both of you. Your children will grow up together and be very close, thats a wonderful thing,

If you and your partner decide t o keep the baby you need to know your partner is going to be very helpful as it is hard enough with a new baby but been pregnant will put extra strain on you and you will need extra support. I personally would keep the baby but I'm not you so I can't make that decision for you only you and your partner can decide what to do, as you are who has to live with the dicision.

Could you imagion aborting your daughter now you have her? its the same thing you will ask yourself everyday if you abort. You need to be more careful once not pregtnant again as its very easy to become pregnant again after birth. There is a implant that sits in your cervix called the marina which can be only implanted 6-8 weeks after birth when the cervix is soft.

Remember things may be tuff now but thing will always get better, be positive and positive things will happen. Explain to your partner how your feeling, maybe before you make a complete decision you should see a counciler as its a decision you can't take back. You may be prone to post natal depression now as you are finding it tuff and have such a big decision on your head so talk to a professional so you know your thinking clearly and don't regreat your decision whatever that may be.

Good luck and I wish you all the very best.

Answer 4

I don't think it's my place to give you advice on your life decisions. However, it does sound like you are a caring mother and if you choose not to keep the baby, you will probably regret it deeply...

If it is any consolation, I have two boys - 19 months apart. So yes, changing two sets of diapers, feedings, bathings, etc. twice as often seemed like such a huge task at first... I didn't know how I was going to do it... But it DOES get easier! Now that the youngest is over a year, I can feed them basically the same foods, bathe them together, and most importantly, they play with each other! It's nice because they will amuse each other for short periods of time and I actually get a few moments to myself now and again.
So, while it might be difficult for the first 6months to a year... that time is very small compared to how helpful it will be to have two siblings so close together. They will have a tight bond together and will keep an eye out for each other as time goes by. It really does get so much easier when they are past the "baby" stage and move on to being toddlers... I can honestly say, after having 2 close together myself, it is actually EASIER to have two now! I don't know what I would do if I only had one...

Oh, and if you feel tired and overwhelmed and just feel like you want to cry - you are so tired... we have ALL been there as new moms... The best help I ever got was calling someone (it can be mom, aunt, sister, friend - even a nanny or daycare) call SOMEONE and take time for yourself once a week. Even if it is just for 3 hours to run errands or take a quiet nap in peace. I even INSIST in having 20-30min to myself at night to take a bath. It is MY quiet time,,, You would be amazed at how relaxed you can get by just having 20min of quiet... Have Daddy take the boys for a 20 min walk around the block... Another trick: A group called "The Wiggles" I have never met a kid who didn't like to watch these guys dance around. When I need 30 min to myself to pay bills or do laundry - I have my boys watch them (I record them off of Disney so I always have a tape ready to go). I don't think people get that raising kids is VERY tiring - especially when they are so young...

If you would like any other tips on how to cope - feel free to email me at [e-mail].

Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 5

If you didn't want another baby why didn't you take the proper precautions?I mean you know how it happened the first time.I'm 5 months pregnant with my 1st and I plan on immediately taking care of business.Aborting the baby is your choice.I mean I had to go through it myself but I can see how this would be an even harder choice after already having a beautiful little miracle that you can just look at forever.Your still young you got a lot of time to have kids.I do agree that you will really have your hands full.I want you to look at the big picture though.(not saying it wont happen)but your 19 and your boyfriends ? In most cases people your age will not be together forever it usually doesn't work out .Your both still growing up as we speak.So think about this .Do you want to be at home with 2 kids when he decides that being tied down to you and 2 kids is just to much?Think about it! Good Luck and congrats if you decide to keep it.

Answer 6

Obviously it's your body and your choice, no-one can make it for you. I think you need to go and speak to a trained counsellor immediately and talk it through. Don't get put off by the anti-abortion views of some people that use this website. I had an abortion 2 years ago when I got pregnant after i got a stomach upset while on the pill. I wasn't ready to be a mother and did not feel i could take care of a baby as i was in between jobs, moving to a new country and just about to move in with my boyfriend after living 200 miles apart for 3 years. I felt a little sad afterwards, but my overwelming feeling was of relief because i was sure that it was better for the baby. I'm now pregnant again, am overjoyed and I know this is the right time.
Good luck to you, talk to someone about it (someone impartial) and I sincerely hope that everything works out for you. x

Answer 7

It's up to you, but since you asked on a public forum....

Keep the baby, you would be denying a baby a chance of life with a mother who obvious cares enough to ask advice. Do the same when the baby is born. Get advice and help before things get out of control, not after. Your partner seems supportive - thats a good sign, too.

There are contraceptions such as Implanon, which last for three years. They are implanted under the skin and you hardly notice them. It's just one more thing that you won't have to think about.

Answer 8

Some people are on this site telling you to keep your baby. The decision is yours, however you might want to ask yourself some questions.

1. Can you give this baby the life that you feel they deserve?
2. Do you feel as though you can provide for you child, especially if the father is not in the picture.
3. Do you want the best possible future for your child.

These are just a few of the questions that you should ask yourself.

If you feel that you can not accomplish all your goals, hopes and desires for your child's future then maybe you should think about adoption.

My husband and I have been married for 6 1/2 years, we tried for the first 5 to have children to find out it will not happen for us. We would love to adopt and give a child two loving parents, a home and everything that a child deserves and needs. I am not advertising for us, although we hope to adopt someday, but for all the couples out there who would love to raise a child and can not. If you decide on adoption you could do open or private meaning that you could have contact with the birth family, pictures and as much openness as you and the family agree too, or you could have a closed/priviate adoption were you the parents would raise the child with no pictures or contact. One way to get more information is to contact a Social Worker in your area that handles adoptions or an agency. If you would like anymore information you are welcome to contact me. [e-mail]

Answer 9

My advice...since you asked...

Do what's right for the babies. If you don't believe you can be a good mother if you add one more, then seek out alternatives. (I don't personally believe in abortion, so my advice won't include that...) Have the baby and give her/him up to a family that is prepared. There may be another option though...do you have a support system at all? Mother? Father? Sister? Best friend? Ask for help if you need it. You may find you can manage it. Many people do...

And, please, take serious measures to prevent pregnancy when you're not prepared to take on the potential consequences. One unplanned is understandable...two, careless...three, totally selfish.

Answer 10

I think you have already made up your mind. Having a baby is hard work & Men don't relise this. Looking after a baby whilst being pregnant will seriously take it out of you. You wont be making a mistake if you decide about abortion & you shouldn't feel quilty either. At the end of the day it's your body & your life & your partner should understand your concerns & worries.
Good luck,.