my husbands passion is killing me?

Question

My husband is totally obsessed with Japan, Korea, China, Hong Kong basically anything oriental. He collects the films reads the books searches the internet. is learning the language, if its oriental he buys it basically. He also thinks the women are beautiful. Girls with swords and guns are his favourite. Its an everyday thing he cannot go a day without it. He is desperate to visit Hong Kong I am not. I got rid of our internet because he spent all day on it looking at Japanese/Korean websites (not rude) while I was at work. Its making me ill. I have told him all this, we just have rows. He tells me he loves me and I beleive him but I know I will lose him because I cannot love his passion too. We have been together for 20 years and he does have an addictive personality. I see oriental people in the street and I don't like them. I feel as though I am hating a nation because he is so besotted with it. If it was just a hobby I guess I wouldn't feel like this. I being silly?

Answer 1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanophile

(and related write-ups; easy enough to Google)

My other half says:

"She is totally obsessed with food, cooking, restaurants, basically anything to eat. She collects the cookbooks, reads the books, searches the internet, is learning how to cook; if it's related to good food, she buys it. She also thinks that food is to be enjoyed. Restaurants that obsess over the quality of their produce are her favourite. It's an everyday thing; she cannot go a day without it. She drags me along to all manner of restaurants that are sometimes not my first choice. I would never get rid of our internet just because she spent all day on it looking at recipe websites (not rude) while I was at work. It's making me fat. I have told her all this; it does nothing to lessen her interest. She tells me she loves me, and I believe her, and I know I will not lose her just because I'm nowhere near as excited about what I eat. We have been together for years, and she does have an addictive personality when it comes to enjoying life in harmless fashions. I see restaurants on the street and I don't like them, even though she does. Were I bizarrely insecure, I might feel as though I am hating a harmless pastime because she is so besotted with it. If it was just a hobby, which it is, I guess I might be pleased that somebody I love has found something harmless which they genuinely enjoy. Am I being sensible?"

Answer 2

I don't mean to be rude but yes you are being a bit silly only in the way that I don't think that you should start disliking Oriental people. But at the same time your husband does have a bit of a problem.

It's nice that your husband is passionate about a subject but as it worries you so much you need to sit him down enough's, enough, and while I appreciate that you love everything about the orient its got to stop or you need to at least start loving it a bit less, because you are becoming obsessed and this is not a good thing. I realise that you love it but it has to stop because you are driving me crazy. It will probably cause another argument but you need to say to him if you don't deal with this obsession then we will have to get you some help and I just can't take it anymore.

Who knows if he goes to Hong Kong, it might stop his obsession, but as it's getting you angry and down you need to sit him down and really tell him. Say to him if you don't listen, I've going to start throwing some of these things away. Then start doing it harsh I know but something you have to be cruel to be kind.

Having said that at least he isn't a beer-drinking football addict, and he doesn't abuse you

Answer 3

OK - he's not looking at rude sites, he doesn't have an addictive personality and you are still worried. It sounds like it must be more than that for you to not like people on the street. I read a book that said not sharing something that your spouse likes (depriving them) is a sure way to ruin a marriage. I don't see a problem, EXCEPT for the liking of the girls with swords and guns thing..... I am wondering if you are being kept in the dark about the things you say he's not doing... the websites and the addictive behavior. That sounds like something is missing somewhere....

Answer 4

dont b silly dear, after all, hes likes it a way too much, leave it, hes not gng behind women or soo!! its jus a passion, thts it..
ignore him.
marriage is somthg tht should last a life time, u 2 r quite matured mentally, after 20 long years of married life, this is all u hav understood ur hubby...? wen u accept him u must accept his likes, dislikes, craves, wishes and all good & bad, and the same applies 2 him too.. thts a symbol of a healthy marriage.
dont worry jus 4 a silly thing.. b happy
all the best

Answer 5

if his obsession is hurting the relationship you need to look into counseling so you can solve the problems. Talk to him and make him see that you are hurting and need help with him to come to some better point.

Answer 6

how would you feel if he were to kick up a stink about youre passions and hobbies the man likes these things big deal its better then him seeing other women now isnt it

Answer 7

Why can't you just let him be? So what if he's into these films and cultures? Is it inconveniencing you in any way? Is it preventing you from becoming a more worldly person yourself? Sounds to me like you need a hobby of your own.

Answer 8

Are you kidding? No, you are not silly at all. I would feel trapped if I were in your shoes. Take him to a psychiatrist, he needs help. This is just too much.

Answer 9

think of it this way, if u had a passion will u like it if ur husband objected to it? maybe u can ask ur husband to ease up on it a lill though..

Answer 10

Look up obsessive compulsive disorder...