Recently married - problems already :(?

Question

I have recently married (arranged marriage). After marriage, I am facing a problem.

He is my hubby and is a very loving and loyal man. He loves me and he says this is a harmless way of having fun and this excites him....

He is an exhibitionist - he makes me wear short skirts/tops in public. Or sometimes he doesnt allow me to wear any/appropiate lingerie when going out...and expose myself to (only) him publicly.

Till now I was doing this but now it feels weird as he has posted a few of my lingerie-clad pics on a website (without showing my face) quite openly - he showed me the site...almost proudly.

What do i do? Should i refuse or continue?

I wanted to add that I am NOT exposing to others - only to my hubby.

Like on the road/restaurant, when no body is around - he will tell me to (raise my top/skirt/saree) and let him take a photo...
But he ensures nobody can see me when i am doing this...

I want to add that I have begged him to not make me do this. He says since we are married and only he is seeing me nude - it is ok.

He makes me wear a saree blouse in public without any undergarments on the road - it is embarassing (since i am a top heavy girl)



Plus i think our local grocer has seen the pics on the net - he winked at me and grazed my buttoc*ks when i went there. he never used to behave like this before.

Answer 1

For an arranged marriage, it's understandable how there can be some conflict arising from the circumstances but...Refuse! You have to stop for a second and think about your husband's desires. It is important for you to show respect towards yourself and not do just anything he tells you to. Express to him your discomfort, and if he as loving as he seems to be, he will get your point. He also should take down that site and respect your privacy, especially since he never asked for your consent.

If he isn't willing to do that...then get a divorce if possible and move on.

Answer 2

You need to prepare yourself for getting out of this marriage by planning how and where you will live. If you have a close, trustworthy family member or friend who would be able to help you then you should maybe confide in them, especially if you are unable to support yourself should you leave your Husband - only you can make that decision. Anyone who forces you to do something when they already know your feelings about the situation is manipulating you for their own gains. You should not be made to do anything in a relationship which makes you feel uncomfortable. It will only be a matter of time before your pictures become more public and you have to face the embarrassment of people knowing when you are obviously unhappy with them being taken.

Answer 3

It is not a question of whether this behaviour is right or wrong. It harms no-one if no-one else sees you exposing yourself except him. It is only a problem if YOU think it is or if YOU dont want to do it. If you DO want to do it, or don't mind, then carry on.... it turns him on and, as i say, hurts no-one. If you DON'T want to do it, then tell him you don't and won't do it any more.

However, this sort of thing will probably lead on to other things. The thrill of this will wear off and he might want you to expose yourself to other men...... and maybe eventually have sex with them. Make sure that anything you do, every new step you take, is what YOU want to do. If you don't you will feel ashamed and used.

As far as the website is concerned, i think that is totally out of order to put your photos on the world wide web without asking you. It doesnt matter if it shows your face or not.

I think you need to be careful that your husband doesnt push you towards sexual activity that you do not want to get involved in.

Remember that although people do it, it is illegal to have sex where other people might see you and it wouldnt be pleasant being cautioned by a policeman!

Answer 4

How vulnerable your hubby is? I suggest to talk to him while you are in the spirit of happiness. Open up this subject matter how and why he loves to do this into you although you are not confortable as you are not used to expos to anyone else but him. If he really loves you, he will protect your own rights. If he really loves you, he must be considerate and not to be selfish enough to satisfy his exhibitionism. Just convince him you have your rights to keep yourself in a private profile and no desire to conpete with those sexy models or sex goddes artists. You are not a sex toy.

I'm afraid, if someday you are no longer young as today, all his hungrier and desire on you would fade away, then he leaves you so he will find another new younger girl to expose her in to his show.
I suggest, to avoid future abuses, just make him write a promissory agreements stating that he will keep his words and never leave you all of your life and let him sign to safe-guard you from his abuses in the future. If he signed, then go on, follow his opinion everything he likes you to do, do it and enjoy it. In the long run you'l adopt to like it going out without wearing underwear or topless.

Answer 5

You are obviously uncomfortable with this. He is not considering how you feel about his choices and actions- ask him what he would do if you were to post pictures of HIM on the internet without even discussing it first. You need to have a serious talk to him and set boundaries as to what you are prepared to do to make him happy. You must not allow him to overrule your decisions. If he does not respect you enough to do that then you have the right to divorce him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. He may be an exhibitionist but you are not an exhibit, you are his wife!

Answer 6

I'm tipping that your husband is quite a bit older than you. Am l right ?? You said it was an arranged marriage, is your family aware of his treatment of you.? I'm guessing they have no idea or l am sure you you would not be still married to him. What he is doing to you in my eyes anyway is immoral and degrading. I personally think you are married to one sick minded man.If l was you l would get as far away from him as possible and never go back. If you stay, what next !! God only knows what he will expect from you. He is a real sicko. Get out quick.

Answer 7

Have you actually told him how you feel? If you haven't then how should he know better you've been willing complicit in his "fantasy" - If you have told him that you don't like it, then it doesn't sound as though he has a great deal of respect for you.

My wife has made it quite clear on a number of occasions that any pictures that may have been taken in the bedroom should NOT be shared with the world, and for my part I respect her wishes no matter how much I'd like to show her off.

Answer 8

If I were you I'd stop doing this straight away tell him that you do not like doing and he has no right to ask you to do such a degrading thing. If he says well you are only doing it for me and I am your husband, just say if you loved me you would not even think about using me in this way.

He is just using you and that just isn't fair, he is exploiting you and this is NOT LOVE

Do you have a sister or anybody within you family you can talk too, if so I would say something to them. Also you should think about leaving him

Answer 9

You should not to be ofrced to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. A marriage should be built on trust, love, honesty and mutual respect. You are not being honest with him about your feelings and he is not respecting you. Most importantly you need to sit down and discuss this matter together and take matters from there. How is he supposed to know you feel uncomfortable with this behaviour if you don't tell him? Don't make any rash decisions until you have both talked about it!

Answer 10

Tell him you don't like him posting that on the Internet, for everyone to see, you started doing it because he liked it, but if you had known he was going to start sharing it with the world in general and making you feel like a whore, you would never have done it. He's making you feel like a piece of meat. Tell him if you don't like it, if he loves you he will listen to you, and stop. And if he continues, get yourself a good solicitor and take him to the cleaners.