Is She Right?

Question

My ex partner ran off with my son and it took me 4 years to trace them...when i eventually caught up with them i started to see him regularly...this went on for 4 years with me travelling 200 miles every other weekend to pick him up/drop him off...i even paid the deposit for her new house so she could move closer to her parents...last september she rang me and said if i didnt come to pick him up she would put him in care as she had had enough of him...he IS NOT a bad boy...just a happy go lucky normal 11 year old...now she is taking me to court for acces after having no contact with him for 10 months... my son does not want to see her and is still very hurt but the courts could decide he has to...What should i do...what will happen if i keep him away from her...Someone help please...Legal Knowledge would help lots

Answer 1

If the court decides your wife should have access and you then deny that access you will be in breach of a court order and could lose your son as a result. You will be given a chance to state your case in court - the court will usually order an independant socila report on both you and your son and your wife, they will talk to your son too. If deemed unfit your wife will not get access or will oly have supervised access which you can request. Having said that, years ago I went through similar with my ex and when he was granted access I upped sticks and moved - in fact I moved 7 times in 1 year, changed my name and my daughters name and he never found us. Good luck in court love xx

Answer 2

1) Get a good solicitor.
2) Take your son to a child psychologist to discuss why he does not want to be with his mother. Get the psychologist to be an expert witness in court.
3) It is becoming more common in such cases for the child's wishes to be taken into consideration - more so as they get older - I'm not sure how much say an eleven year old will have, but ask your solicitor about this - testament from your son is bound to have some impact on the court.
4) If you can afford it, hire a private investigator to have a sniff around your ex to see if there is anything in her life which might suggest access to her kid is not a good idea. It sounds horrible, but she sounds horrible too, and the courts will often side with the mother unless there's a really gruesome reason not to.
5) Allow her access to see him, but only when you are also present between now and any court decision. This will appear that you want to be reasonable, but that you have good reason to be very concerned about her stability and the safety of your son. This might cause her to show her true colours and either give in, or do something stupid which will weaken any legal case. On the more positive side, she might actually have sorted herself out and this might be an opportunity for all of you to resolve previous conflict... unlikely, but possible.

The problem is, if you avoid court, you will always have to be on the run and if they do catch up with you, you will be seen as the bad guy. You have to be seen to be doing everything properly and by the book.

Answer 3

I would have to be familiar with the family court where she is filing the claim to say anything specific, but some generalities:

You have to answer her claim in court; if the court does not hear your side of the story, that means that they will probably side with her and issue an order for him to live with her. Which could mean jail time for you if you do not comply and more stress on your son.

You need a lawyer. Your child is too important to try to deal with this without having someone versed in the law and the policies of the court on your side. A good lawyer will probably be able to help you get custody and maybe even get child support. Ask around for a referral, call the bar referral service or go to legal aid. Many lawyer's specialize in father's rights, so look for one of those if you can.

Also, since your son is understandably upset, please look into child counseling services. Often times, these services are offered free or on a sliding scale of what you can afford to pay -- ask at your son's school. Things like this can leave emotional scars that really can mess with his head.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Why did you not see him for 10 months? She can take you to court but if you were together when the child was born you automatically get access rights. You can go for a residential order if you leive near or in the same town as her.

Do you have all the care of him now? The courts will take all your details and way up the pros and cons. Unfortunately the courts will side with the mother unless they think the child is at risk from her.

This is a difficult but yet typical ex who's playing games with you and using her son as a pawn. Speak to citizens advice on what to do next because shes gotta be stopped from hurting her son anymore.

Answer 5

Im sorry to hear about your situation. i was in a simillar situation to you but obviously the other way around and unfortunately if she goes to court she will be granted access to your son whether you like it or not. He is still classed as a child so he will not have much of a say in what happens just now. If you can keep her sweet and talk her out of going to court and try and agree something between yourselfs it would be so much better for you and your son. Once a court order is in place it has to be stuck to or you could get in serious bother so try keep it outta court. Good Luck to you and your son.

Answer 6

I wish I could give you some legal advice. I'll never understand the cruel things people do to children, and the games they play. He is lucky to have you for a father, hopefully that will help him WHATEVER else happens. He knows that you looked for him for 4 years and have been a part of his life since, doing all that you could, wanting to be in his life. You are a great father and you are lucky to have each other. Don't lose faith, your ex sounds so immature and troubled. Just always be there like you have been. Good luck to both of you. Maybe the courts will award you custody, I hope so.

Answer 7

Look at this rationally - this is NOT about you and your ex - it's about your SON. The court is only concerned with what is in the best interests of the child. Your son is now old enough to form and have his own opinions and the court should ask him what those opinions are and take those opinions seriously into account when making a decision.

If the court does determine your ex should have some sort of access - NO under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you flout that order and keep your son away from your ex.

Answer 8

He is at the age where is is able to say what he wants and does not want. Go through the court and have him tell the truth. I am sure no one can make a child see a parent if he does't want to. Maybe get him a social worker and find out what is really going on in his head and the soical worker can speak up in court. Good luck.

Answer 9

Everything will be taken into account, try and settle this out of court, both parents have a statutory right to see their child, unless one is a danger to themselves and/or the child.......

the childs view must be put across, it wouldn't befair for the courts to discount his preference, having said that he is in his minority thus the courts will look at the situation as a whole and try and decide what is in his best interests, .......

i would certainly try and talk him round to seeing his mum, (unless she is a danger...alcoholic, drug etc)... and by all accounts i can gather that that is not the situation....

try and avoid court by negotiating some time with the mother,.... a sorry from her would help bring the child round.

good luck mate

Answer 10

Sorry men am sure the judge is going to look into everthing in detail/but just make sure u have a very good lawyer because the mother always holds stronger ground if you can not show she is not able to be a good mother and take care of her your kid.if by any chance you have any information to prove that fact it will help you a lot.just be smart about it and fast.